Rebirth
by Ashantai
Summary: Sequel to my JB fanfic "Duty Bound," Jacob and Bella have now returned to La Push as a couple. As they discover what it's like to be together, Edward still stands on the sidelines waited for failure, and other dangers are looming just around the corner..
1. Chapter 1

Bella had never really been big on anniversaries. She'd spent the past year dreading her birthday, and most holidays had seemed fairly unimportant in the face of all the crazy things that went on in her life. When you're worrying about a vengeful vampire coming to kill you, or running off to Italy to save your boyfriend from committing suicide at the hands of vampire aristocrats, things like Valentine's Day or Christmas seem a bit inconsequential.

But things had slowed down a lot since then. Three months ago today, she and Jacob had graduated from best friends to something much more; she'd finally admitted her feelings for him, and vowed- to him, to Edward, and to herself- to give them a real chance to be together. Since then, things had settled into a nice pattern. She wasn't in danger anymore. She spent a lot of time on the Rez, hanging out with Jacob's pack, and it had been weeks since she'd dreamed about becoming a vampire. Slowly, the idea was repulsing her more and more. Maybe because she was enjoying being alive so much.

All of this had come about because, of all things, Jacob had been betrothed as a child and the bride was looking to finally tie the knot. Bella had been forced to admit that she didn't want to lose him to another woman, and had followed him across an international border to stop him from leaving La Push- and her- forever. She had been surprised to actually grow to really like Jacob's fiancée, a girl named Iniabi, or Abi, who ruled over a whole community of werewolves in the Canadian mountains. Through Abi's generosity and kindness she had been able to admit her feelings for Jacob, and once she had there had been no going back. She learned that she could love two people at once, but in the end she had chosen to pursue a relationship with Jacob because, mainly, she didn't want to die always wondering what she might have had with him.

It had been a difficult adjustment for Edward, and still was really, though Bella had insisted on remaining friends. But it was hard. He still thought of her as much more than a friend, and she knew part of him felt that he was just waiting on the sidelines for her and Jacob to fail, and that after they did he would be back as her boyfriend. If Edward was anything, it was patient, but she knew it was hard on him. He didn't like her going on the reservation, he didn't trust the werewolves in the slightest, and he didn't believe she was safe with Jacob. Bella felt badly for him, but she couldn't live her life like that. She had to do what her heart told her, and so far, things were going really well.

Three months was a big deal to Jacob, and he'd insisted on a date. Usually their dates were laid back and casual, hanging out at one of their houses watching television, doing homework together, or taking a hike through the woods. But Jacob had promised her something special tonight, though he wouldn't say what. Bella didn't really like surprises, but it seemed so important to him that she didn't push. Instead she simply promised to be waiting at seven o'clock sharp for… something.

At 6:50, she was brushing her hair when she felt a familiar presence behind her. She turned toward Edward. He'd been gone for just under a month now on an extended hunting trip, and at first she'd worried that their strained lunches at school and occasional drives together had become too much for him and he wouldn't come back. Even now, she feared his abandonment more than almost anything. But she'd made him swear, and here he was, as good as his word. She smiled softly at him as he sat on her bed, gazing at her with that level gaze of his.

"You look beautiful," he said, smiling at her in that way he had of making her feel like she was the only person on earth.

"Thanks," she said. "I'm going on a mystery date, so I don't even know if I'm dressed appropriately." She had opted for casual dressy- dark jeans and a nice top, and figured she couldn't go wrong with that.

"A mystery date?" Edward repeated, smiling a little. "What is that, like a blind date?"

She knew what he was really asking. "No," she answered gently. "I'm still with Jake… he has some big surprise planned."

"Oh," Edward said. "Right. I guess it's three months today, isn't it?"

She was both surprised and not surprised that he knew that. "Yeah."

"So how are... things?" he asked.

She felt bad for him. She could only imagine how hard it was for him to watch her make what he thought was a huge mistake, and she appreciated the effort he made to understand her choice. "Things are good," she answered vaguely. She rarely spoke to him about Jake, and he and Jacob hadn't spoken to one another since they were in Canada. She didn't even know if Edward knew that she and Jake were sleeping together, and she had no intention of telling him, since she knew exactly how he would feel about it.

"That's good," he said after a moment. He stood up. "Well. I just wanted to see that you were okay."

She smiled at him. "I'm fine," she promised.

"So you're going on the reservation tonight?" he asked.

"Actually I have no idea," she admitted. "But probably, yes." She knew it pained him that she spent so much time in a place where he couldn't even set foot. She knew he worried for her safety, and his own inability to protect her there, even if she also knew that she didn't need protection. On the Rez, she had it in spades. Bella let him reach out and take her hand. He was freezing; the more time she spent with Jacob, the more she got used to being warm. But she hid her discomfort, not wanting to hurt Edward's feelings.

When she pulled back, he was gazing at her with those soulful eyes of his. They were bright gold, considering the fact that he'd been hunting for the past three weeks or so, and they were so beautiful. She found it so easy to fall into those eyes.

"I miss you," he said, and she couldn't deny that his words flooded her with warmth. It felt so nice to be wanted, even if Jacob would have preferred him never to speak to her again. Jacob still believed he had the ability to cast a spell on her, but she didn't think that was true. Of course they would have a deep, special bond, given everything they'd been through together. It didn't mean he had power over her… just history.

"I miss you too," she said with a gentle smile.

There was a sudden crash of the front door opening with force, and then the pounding of footsteps coming up the stairs. Edward pushed Bella behind him so fast she barely knew what he was doing, but through the gap between his arm and chest as he took a battle stance she saw her bedroom door burst open. Embry Call stood there, his normally wide brown eyes narrowed on Edward. Immediately Bella moved out from behind him and put herself between the two boys, both of them seething with anger.

"Don't you dare barge into her bedroom like that," Edward bit out, his voice grating.

"I smelled a vampire," Embry snapped back, glaring at him. "I thought she was in danger."

"She's not in danger as long as I'm here," Edward answered.

"Yeah? Well-"

"Okay, enough," Bella interrupted. Two sets of eyes flickered to her, then back to each other, but slowly they both relaxed their posture.

Embry opted to ignore Edward, instead giving Bella a sheepish smile. "I kind of broke your front door."

She couldn't help but smile back; over the weeks, she'd gotten quite fond of this quiet kid, fierce in his loyalty to the others but otherwise playful and good-natured. "It's okay," she said teasingly. "As long as you can fix it before Charlie sees it."

"Already on it," he answered, his eyes sliding in Edward's direction for a moment before he closed Bella's door behind him and trotted down the stairs again. She heard definite sounds of what she hoped was construction a moment later, so she turned back to look at Edward. He had calmed down, but he wasn't looking at her.

"Edward," she said softly, reaching out and touching his arm. His eyes met hers, and they seemed pained, uncomfortable and uncertain.

"This is just… a little weird for me," he admitted.

"I know," she answered.

"I hate that I can't follow you there… that I couldn't save you, if you needed me to."

"But I don't," she said gently. "I'm safe with them."

He didn't say anything for a moment. Finally he answered, "Well, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that. Just please… promise me you'll be careful."

"I will," she said. Edward raised his hand and touched her cheek and she shivered a little at the chill it left on her skin, closing her eyes briefly to the touch. She had wondered, while he was gone, if her response to him would fade or at least change, but even after three weeks of absence, he still made her knees weak. Maybe it would always be that way. But she would just have to learn to live with it, because she didn't want to lose him. She couldn't even stand that thought.

"Embry fixed the door," he said softly. "He's worried about being late."

She nodded. "Okay," she said, reaching for his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Pick me up for school tomorrow?"

Edward raised her hand and pressed his lips against the backs of her fingers. "I'll see you at 8:00," he promised. And then he was gone. Bella let out a soft sigh, checking herself out in the mirror one last time before leaving her bedroom.

Embry was loitering around at the bottom of the stairs, trying to pretend he wasn't waiting for her. Bella smiled at him and he returned it, though he seemed tense. "He's gone?" he said hesitantly, seeming like he was almost compelled to ask.

"Yeah," she answered. Embry eyed her for a moment, but seemed to decide against saying anything further. "What?" she asked as they left the house and started toward her truck. She handed him the car keys and Embry slid into the driver's seat, but he didn't start the engine right away.

"It's just too bad you're going to smell like vampire for your date with Jake," he said, his voice somewhat apologetic.

She frowned. "Edward's my friend. Jacob understands that."

"Yeah, but it's hard," he pointed out, putting the key in the ignition and pulling out of her driveway. Bella watched the trees going by outside her window, one tall pine after another, and let out a sigh.

"I know," she said. "I wish it was easier for them to get along… for all of you, I guess."

He grinned sideways at her, back to his old self. "Bella," he said. "We're, like, mortal enemies. What do you expect?"

Again she sighed. "Yeah," she said quietly. "I know."

"Hey, don't be sad," he said. "Jake's got something really special planned, so let's not ruin it. He seems mostly cool with your friendship with him, so I am too… it's all good, Bella."

She smiled at him. "Thanks," she said. "Now please tell me where we're going."

"And risk getting killed? No way," he joked, smirking at her. "You'll just have to be patient."

It was about a forty-minute drive to the Rez, one that Bella had now made many times. Other than her bout with a bad flu that had lasted almost a month, coming on within a couple of weeks of them returning from Canada, she'd spent at least three or four days a week in La Push. It helped that Jacob didn't go to her school; those long absences from him all day made her miss him that much more. Sometimes he came into town and they hung out at her place, but she preferred the Rez.

When she'd been sick, he'd been sweet to her, coming to her house almost every day after school bringing her chicken soup and sitting with her. At first she'd been embarrassed at him seeing her like that, but gradually she grew to rely on him. With Edward, she was always afraid of showing human weakness, but with Jacob, it seemed natural, even if it wasn't terribly romantic to have him present while she was pasty and clammy, or throwing up all the soup he'd thoughtfully made for her. Still, he'd been there for her throughout, and it had only strengthened their relationship. But now that she was better, she preferred being on the Rez to staying home.

Part of the reason for her preferring the Rez was Charlie. After Edward had broken her heart and left her, he'd made no secret about how much he disliked him, and Bella couldn't really blame him. But once she had chosen Jake, Charlie couldn't have been happier. He probably thought that his daughter dating his best friend's son was the best thing that could possibly happen, and Bella knew he thought Jacob incapable of hurting her the way Edward had. But still, his happy acceptance of their relationship could get tiring, so escaping to the Rez was as good of an excuse as any to avoid it.

A lot of their time on the Rez was spent at Emily's, who seemed to have a bottomless pantry to feed the boys' constant hunger, and Bella enjoyed her company. A few times she had even gone and hung out with Emily without anyone else, and it had been fun- the older girl was a talented artist. She made all her own jewelry, as well as dabbling in painting, drawing, woodcarving, and sculpture; she could even sing and dance. She made Bella feel both untalented and uncoordinated, but she was eager to try to teach her what she knew, and Bella enjoyed the lessons, even if she usually massacred whatever Emily put in her hands. Still, Emily's rich laugh and good sense of humour always ensured that they had a good time. Because of her time in La Push Bella had also gotten to know the other wolves; even she and Paul were now on friendly terms, though there was a definite separation between her and the rest of them. Sometimes she envied Jacob's bond with them, and sometimes she felt a bit threatened by it, but mostly she couldn't help but be taken with the true community and love between all the boys.

Well, the boys and Leah. When they'd been in Canada, living temporarily with a whole village of shapeshifters that were distantly related to the Quileute, Bella had met a girl named Mitsis who, like Alice, could see the future. She had warned Jacob that a female on the Rez would be shifting imminently and joining Sam's pack. She hadn't said who, but by the time Bella and Jacob had returned home, Leah Clearwater and her brother Seth had both joined the pack. Everyone had been shocked, as no Quileute girl had ever made the change, and just to make the situation that much stranger, Leah was Emily's cousin and Sam's ex-girlfriend. There was definite tension in that situation, and Leah pretty much always seemed like she was in a bad mood. Mostly Bella tried to stay clear of her, and she seemed perfectly content to do the same.

As they reached the Rez, Bella couldn't help but notice the sly grin that came over Embry's features.

"What?" she asked nervously.

"Nothing," he answered quickly, glancing over at her, but he couldn't seem to wipe the smile off his face. "I'm just excited."

"Oh God," she groaned. "Do I need to be scared?"

"No, no," he said. "Shut up, you're going to make me blow it all out of proportion. You know how it goes, Bella… the hive mind thing. I feel what he feels… to a point."

She blushed, since she could think of a few things she wished he and the others _didn't _know about, but she knew it wasn't exactly something Jacob could control. It wasn't exactly that they had free access to each other's minds, but it was difficult to censor your thoughts, and whatever popped into one of their minds, the others all saw it. It made them very close, but Bella was also aware that not everything she might say to Jacob was necessarily a secret. Mostly, though, they all seemed to take great pains not to intrude on each other's privacy, and they rarely spoke aloud about anything they'd heard via their link. Bella thought of it as both a sign of their deep friendship, but also as a kind of mutually assured destruction- if one of them let slip a secret, there was bound to be an equally embarrassing secret that could be used as retaliation. So they generally all kept pretty tight-lipped about everything.

Right now, she wished Embry wasn't honouring their code quite so earnestly. "Can't you at least give me a hint?" she asked hopefully as they passed out the giant forest of the Olympic National Park and onto the reservation itself, entering via the only road that went in or out.

He glanced sideways at her and grinned. "It's on the Rez," he told her.

"Wow," she answered with a small giggle. "Thanks, Embry… I think I might have already figured that one out."

She soon realized they were going towards Emily's house. Embry turned the truck toward First Beach, following the streets that would lead them to Emily's small but inviting home, which was nested right into the woods just off the sandy beach itself. But then Embry took a turn just before they would have reached Emily's place, and shortly after that, the road stopped. Without ceremony or signage, it simply vanished into the woods. Embry turned off the engine and grinned at her.

"Okay, here we are," he said. Bella looked around. There was nothing. Just forest and darkness. She eyed Embry suspiciously but got out of the car when he did and followed him down a little trail towards the beach. She could smell the salt air and soon she heard the breakwaters on the sand ahead. They soon broke out of the tree line and Bella expected to see Jacob standing there, but the beach was deserted.

Then she caught sight of the island. James Island, a little horseshoe-shaped pocket of land just off the mainland where the river met the ocean. According to Emily it had once been connected fully, but when the river was diverted it had been cut off from the beach forever. But it wasn't the island that caught her eye, but the little sparks of light that adorned one whole side of the cliff face. At first she wasn't sure what she was looking at- it looked like a huge chunk of the island's face was covered in little pinpoints of light, like stars. Even a couple of the trees had been hung with lights, as if it was Christmas time. The whole picture was breathtaking.

Embry was grinning at her as she took in the scene, and then he gestured towards the shoreline. She saw a small boat there, basically a rowboat with a little outboard motor on the back. It was similarly laden in lights, but she saw no sign of Jacob.

"Your carriage awaits, m'lady,' Embry said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Please tell me you're driving this," she said nervously as she approached the rickety thing.

"Of course," Embry said, rolling his big brown eyes at her. "As if I'd let you drown yourself."

She made a face at him but followed him to the boat; the glowing strands were rows and rows of tiny Christmas lights, and she also saw a cushioned seat had been placed in the boat so she would be comfortable. She climbed in and Embry took old of the boat, shoving it out into the water and slogging in up to his knees as though it was nothing. Bella knew she herself would freeze if she did that, but she suspected that Embry's high body temperature made the icy water a welcome change. He climbed into the boat behind her and started the motor, and slowly they puttered out toward the island, skirting the edge and going behind, where the horseshoe opened to reveal a quiet bay. Embry beached the boat, hauled it in far enough that it couldn't escape, and then offered her a hand onto dry land once again.

Now she saw Jake. On the beach, not quite at the tree line, he had draped the trees in lights around a small table where a single candle burned between plates covered by domed warmers. It was incredibly romantic.

"Well," Embry said with a grin. "I'll leave you two alone." With that, he shifted into wolf form and bounded into the sea, where she watched him dogpaddle out and around the point. She laughed, and then turned as she heard Jacob's footsteps approaching.

"Too much?" he asked nervously as he watched her take it all in.

She smiled at him. "No, it's perfect," she said. He smiled, and brought his hand up to stroke her cheek, touching his lips to hers in a light kiss that was, in itself, a promise. He seemed to grow tense for a moment and she knew he could smell Edward on her, but she was relieved when he let it go without even a comment.

Bella's heart fluttered as he took her by the hand and let her to the table, offering her one of his own sweaters that ne never wore anymore so she wouldn't get chilly in the cool night air. Bella pulled it on, and Jacob took off the plate warmers to reveal a delicious dinner of steak and vegetables. It smelled amazing.

"Courtesy of Emily," he said, sitting down across from her. "She was more than happy to help me make this night special."

"You're not going to get in trouble for defacing the island with those lights?" she teased.

He smiled, shrugging sheepishly. "Let's just say there are a few perks to being the village protectors… we have a lot of sway with the tribal council."

"Well, good… it's beautiful," she said sincerely. "I love it."

"You're beautiful," he countered. "And I love you."

She had to grin. Maybe she wasn't normally one to make a big deal out of anniversaries, but she had to admit that this felt pretty nice. She couldn't help but wonder how he was going to top this at six months, or a year. With Jacob, it seemed like there were always surprises around the corner.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob's endeavour on the island definitely had to rank as the most romantic date of Bella's life. But that just seemed to be Jacob's way; over the last three months, she'd been constantly touched and impressed by his devotion to her. Sometimes she worried that he was going overboard, wanting to ensure that she never regretted choosing him over Edward, but the truth was, she hadn't yet- not once.

Sure, she still felt something when she was with Edward, but wouldn't anyone for an old flame that had ended in an amicable breakup? Now that Edward had returned from his hunting trip, it would take a bit more finesse to keep the peace amongst the tree of them, but Bella was determined: she didn't want to lose either of them. They were both too important to her, and she wasn't willing to let either of them go. Even if she was with Jake now, she still loved Edward, and that wasn't just going to go away because she'd made a different choice. She hated the idea of hurting either of them; they were definitely the two most important people in her life.

She and Jacob had parted sweetly, with a kiss on her front stoop, at the end of their three-month anniversary date. Sometimes she snuck him up to her room, but since she'd told Charlie the afternoon before her big date that Embry was going to 'kidnap' her and was refusing to divulge their destination, he had emphasized her curfew more seriously than usual. She thought it was better not to push it, and Jacob hadn't seemed to mind. They were still in the early phases of love, where every opportunity for sex seemed a gift and a treat, not something to be expected or taken for granted.

Bella continued to be amazed by Jacob's skills at lovemaking. He managed to give her pleasure that she wouldn't have thought possible before, and he never held back. Unlike how she knew it would have been with Edward while she was still human- cold, possibly painful- with Jacob it was extremely intense, but he didn't have to worry about breaking her in two or deciding mid-session that he couldn't stop himself from draining the blood from her veins. There were some definite perks to that.

By the wolf pack's own estimation, Jacob and the others had at least three or four times the amount of testosterone than was normal for boys their age, which she secretly suspected gave Jacob an edge in the bedroom. Every time she felt his burning skin against hers, she knew she was in for nothing short of excitement and a deep satisfaction that would leave her gasping. In Jacob, she had learned much about her own body, and his, and she treasured those moments they shared together.

* * *

The next morning, she heard Edward's car pulling into her driveway at 8:00 sharp, as promised. Charlie was already long gone to work, and Bella was ready to go. She grabbed her bag and hurried outside and down the short flight of steps, but she missed the last one and tripped. Trying to recover her footing, she heaved herself sideways and landed hard on the cement walkway that led up to the front of her house.

Edward appeared at her side instantly. "Are you alright?" He took her arm in his hand and helped her to her feet.

"Yeah, thanks," she said, blushing. Edward kept his hand on her lower back and walked her to the passenger side of the car, holding the door open for her. Bella slid into her seat and by the time she'd clicked the seatbelt into place, Edward was already sitting next to her and sliding his key into the ignition. He pulled out of the driveway and started heading, at his usual fast speed, towards their school.

"So are you ready for our biology final?" she asked him after a long, not quite comfortable silence passed between them. There were only a couple of weeks of school left, and on the nights that she wasn't with Jacob, Bella usually had her nose in a book.

He smiled sideways at her. "Well, I've taken enough of them that I don't really have to study," he pointed out.

"Right," she said, shaking her head. "Of course." She bit her lip as the silence encroached on them once again. "So… any big plans for the weekend?"

"Not really."

"There's this… I don't know, not exactly a party, but like… a gathering or whatever that I'm going to tonight."

"On the reservation?" he asked, obviously struggling to try to keep his tone even.

"Yeah, at Emily's," she said. "It would be nice if you could come along."

"I can't," he answered flatly.

"Yeah… I know that. I just wish you guys could stop fighting for one night. Emily's cool. You might actually have fun."

"It's not about us having an argument or insulting each other, Bella," he said with a frown. "I'm not physically allowed to set foot in La Push."

"Yeah," she said, sighing softly. "Yeah… but you know, treaties change. People can, like… revise them. Or amend them or whatever."

Edward smiled bitterly. "Well I really doubt Sam Uley's going to like that idea," he answered. "Not to mention Jacob and the others."

She let out a long breath. "I know."

They pulled into the parking lot and Edward cut the engine, but he didn't seem to be in any hurry to get out of the car. "I thought it would be easier, once I got back," he said after a long silence.

"Easier?" she repeated.

"Yeah, to see you. I thought if I went away for a while, it would give me some space to adjust."

"That didn't really work the last time you tried it," she pointed out softly.

"I know," he said, smiling at her. "But that was different. This time I thought I could start fresh when I got back. As friends, like you want."

"But you can't?" she asked, anxiety rising in her chest.

He didn't answer her for a long moment. Finally he said, "I'm trying. But it's difficult."

"I know," she said gently, reaching over and touching his hand. "I really appreciate it."

"Well," he answered, getting out of the car and then crossing around to her side to open the door for her. "We should get to class. I'll see you in second period?"

"Sure," she answered. "Of course." She felt heavy-hearted as she walked to homeroom, but she didn't really know what else to say to him. She knew this thing with Jacob hurt him, and she didn't want that, but Jacob had had to deal with the same kind of hurt when she'd been with Edward. Bella felt like she couldn't win, and all she wanted was to minimize the pain for everyone she loved.

She knew it wasn't fair, but she wished Edward could just get over her choice and respect her decision to be with Jacob. Instead, every interaction with him was uncomfortable, since he wasn't treating her as a friend at all, but rather a girlfriend who had asked for a break but would, ultimately, be with him again. It was that vibe of silent waiting that underlined his mood every time they looked at each other or spoke. Because of it, something as simple as getting driven to school by a person she cared about could become strange and uncomfortable.

Yet at the same time, she couldn't blame him. She knew that if the situation was reversed and Edward had chosen someone else, she would feel just as uncomfortable about it. So she gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried, more than anything, to be neutral.

If she admitted it to herself, there was another reason she enjoyed spending time in La Push. There, she knew that there was no chance of Edward suddenly showing up at an inappropriate moment, and she could pass an evening without feeling like she was potentially being watched. Even though she never felt threatened by Edward's hovering, and knew he meant it as a way of taking care of her and that he had only the best intentions, it was still nice to be completely sure you were alone at a given time.

Not that the wolf pack let her be alone very often. Aside from the few times she had gone to Emily's house on her own, the time she spent with Jacob's friends was always characterized by boisterous, loud, energetic activities that she had to work hard to be left out of. Sometimes they wanted her to play sports with them, which she knew was just a disaster waiting to happen. She had so far managed to come up with a dozen different excuses as to why she couldn't engage in football, rugby, soccer, lacrosse, tag, capture the flag, and various other strange contact sports that she was certain they had made up. Still, she had to admit: they knew how to have fun.

* * *

When the bell rang at the end of the day, Bella couldn't help but smile as she gathered her things together. She was glad she and Edward didn't share last period, as she worked hard not to appear overly excited in front of him when it came to Jacob. But Angela and Jessica exchanged giggling, knowing glances as they watched her hurry form the classroom, causing a blush to rise in her cheeks.

At first her friends had been almost appalled that she had traded Edward Cullen for Jacob Black, and Jessica had even made some comment about how no one from Forks dated Rez boys, which had put their friendship on hold for several days. But overall they'd gotten used to it, and Bella thought they were secretly happy that they didn't have to battle Edward for her attention anymore.

Outside, Jacob waited near the front doors, leaning against his motorcycle. He'd once shown up on a warm day wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, and she had made him swear that he would always wear a shirt so as not to embarrass her at school. Since then he'd been as good as his word.

"Hey," Bella said, smiling at him as she hurried to his side. Jacob leaned in and gave her a quick kiss, handing her the helmet he kept especially for her. She slipped it onto her head and waited for him to get on the bike before climbing on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Even as the cool air whipped by her face as they rode out, she didn't get cold because his skin heated her easily through both their clothes.

It seemed like she always saw something new every time she visited Emily's house. Part of that was because Emily was an artist and was frequently adding more personal touches, be it paintings, sculpture, carvings, or even jewelry, to herself and to her home. But probably the main reason was that she rarely had time to actually look around before Jacob's friends accosted her. As soon as they heard his motorcycle cut out in front of the small one and a half storey wooden house, five shirtless boys came bounding down the steps and into the yard, skidding to a halt in front of Bella. Without exception, they all had food in their hands and mouths.

"Hey, Bella," Quil spoke first, only because he happened to be the first one to swallow his mouthful. "What did you bring for the potluck?"

"Potluck?" she repeated blankly.

"Yeah, you know," Paul continued for him. "Everyone brings a dish. I brought corn."

"I brought chili," Embry spoke up, not to be outdone.

Jared chimed in with, "Sweet potatoes."

"So what about you?" Jacob asked Seth, the only one who hadn't spoken yet.

"Beats me," he answered. "Leah's bringing something for both of us."

"You always try to get out of everything," Paul teased him.

"Do not!" he protested, before Paul got him in a headlock, dragging him sideways and trying to flip him over into the dirt. Bella couldn't help but laugh.

"So seriously," Quil continued as though nothing had happened, turning his attention back to Bella. "What'd you bring us?"

"Oh…" she trailed off. "Um, Jake picked me up right after school and I didn't know I was supposed to-"

"You don't have to bring anything," Emily's voice called out from the doorway. "You're a guest."

"I'm sorry," Bella said, instantly at ease as she entered the house and the other girl tossed her a friendly smile. All the other boys trotted inside after Bella, grabbing what was left of a plate of cookies on the counter. Despite the huge, garish scars that adorned Emily's face, Bella always felt comfortable with her. "I'll bring something next time.'

Emily waved her hand in dismissal. "No, no. We'll have enough. Don't worry about it." Bella heard Sam's footsteps on the stairs and a moment later he appeared, nodding a greeting to both her and Jacob before giving Emily a long kiss.

"I have to go," he explained to them. "I'll be back for dinner." Bella smiled at him, watching as he pressed a single kiss to each of Emily's scars as she giggled, then gave him a shove on his bare chest. Months ago, it had hurt her to see how in love Sam and Emily were, feeling like she would never again have that for herself, but now she liked watching them, and their devotion to each other.

"Sam," Jacob said, nodding an acknowledgement to his leader, and after a nod back Sam walked outside and into the woods and out of sight. Bella knew that a moment after he disappeared from her vision he would become a huge black wolf. Seeing them transform was still amazing every time she witnessed it, which was rare, since it involved them either being naked or destroying their clothes to avoid being naked. So, understandably, they did it in solitude whenever possible.

She knew Sam and Jacob had a complicated relationship. Really, Jacob had a complicated relationship with all his fellow shapeshifters, seeing as they could all hear each other's thoughts even when they didn't want to. But Jacob had explained to her that he, and not Sam, was technically meant to be the leader of their pack, but that he had given that responsibility over to Sam when he'd first changed. She was secretly relieved that he had, since Sam, though he was a nice guy, seemed so intense about everything. She wasn't sure that Jacob would have had time for her if he'd been the Alpha. Sometimes she felt badly for Emily, but the older girl seemed to shine in her role as den mother to this pack of rowdy teenagers, as well as in her role as Sam's fiancée. Still, Bella knew what she'd gone through to get both those roles, the evidence of which she had to wear on her face for the rest of her life, and she could only imagine how difficult Emily's journey had been.

"So, it'll be at least two hours until dinner," Emily said, to a chorus of groans, which she just laughed at. "Why don't you guys go run around and work up your appetites?"

"My appetite is fully worked up," Jared complained. "Why can't we eat at 4:00?"

"Because, that's ridiculous," she answered, swatting him in the back with the oven mitt she was holding. "I don't care what you guys do, just don't do it in my house." She waved them off, calling, "Out! Out!" Bella laughed as Emily chased them out the door and they scattered, only to reassemble a short distance from the house, as Emily shook her head in laughter and retreated back inside. Bella followed them out.

"Come on, Jake, let's go play," Seth yelled from across the yard.

"What do you say, Bella?" he asked her. "You up for reffing a game of touch football?"

"Touch!" Paul spat it out like it was a bad word. "My ass- we'll only play touch if she's playing." He pointed at Bella. "Otherwise you know we can all take it, Jacob. Touch is no fun."

Embry looked hopefully at Bella. "Want to play?" When she immediately started shaking her head he said, "Come on, you always put us off."

"None of you would want me on your team," she protested. "I suck."

"So does Quil," Paul spoke up helpfully. "Jared's pretty bad too."

"Am not," Jared protested, glaring at Paul and taking a run at him. He caught him by surprise and bowled him over so hard that Bella heard what she was sure was the crack of his head against a rock just under the surface of the mud- and from the sound of it, it was a sizable one.

"Oh, ouch! Are you okay, man?" Seth asked, laughing even as he high-fived Jared, who was receiving backslaps from Quil and Embry.

But Bella's eyes were on Paul, and she saw that he was pissed. He picked himself up, the whole back of him covered in mud, but Bella saw the warning signs of the same imminent rage she had elicited in him when she'd punched him earlier in the year.

"Jacob-" she started, but Jake just shook his head.

It was too late. With a deep growl in the back of his throat, Paul's wolf form exploded from his skin and turned on Jared, who now had his back to him. Bella watched as Seth nudged Jared in the ribs, alerting him to his imminent destruction, and then all the other boys backed away.

"Come on," Jared said, holding his hands open as Paul snapped and snarled at him. "It was an accident." Paul glared and then lunged, and Bella watched in horror as Jared narrowly rolled away from Paul's outstretched claws. A moment later Jared also transformed, his clothes bursting away from his massive wolf body, as he and Paul stood off face-to-face, baring their teeth and growling at each other.

"Hey!" Emily's irritated voice rang out from the porch, and Bella turned to watch her run down the steps and toward the two huge wolves, stopping short a safe distance away, but much closer than Bella herself would have felt comfortable standing. She waved a spatula in the air at them as they turned their heads and regarded her with soft snorts. "Not in my house, and not in my yard- come on, you wrecked my garden last time you did this," she complained. "I had to replant everything."

"Hey, I helped," Embry protested, then fell silent as she tossed him a glare. She put her hands on her hips and stared hard at the two wolves, which made Bella giggle softly. The wolf that was Jared let out a huff of air and then jerked his head at Paul before wheeling and running off into the underbrush, Paul following close on his heels. Everyone visibly relaxed.

"Emily," Bella said appreciatively. "You've got nerves of steel."

The glare faded from her face and was replaced instantly with a playful smirk. "We can't let them think they can do whatever they want just because they have big teeth, Bella," she said. "Besides… it turns out the big bad wolves aren't so bad after all." Her eyes flickered up the road for a moment and her smile faded before she turned back to the house, disappearing inside once more. Bella followed her gaze and saw a small car coming up the drive.

"Bella," Embry called over to her. "Now we're down two players, so you _have _to play."

Jacob laughed. "He's got a point," he said, and Bella punched his arm playfully. The last thing she wanted was to get involved in a sport, any sport, let alone one in which she was the only human player.

"Hey wait, we only lost one player," Seth spoke up as the car came to a stop near the side of the house.

"Your sister doesn't count," Quil said, making a face. "She's a girl."

"Hey," Bella protested. "And what am I, exactly?"

"Oh, Bella… that's different," Embry said with a small smile. Bella decided she didn't actually want to know what he meant by that.

"Okay, guys, give it a rest," Jacob said, putting his arm around Bella to show that he'd had enough of them teasing her. They backed off, as Seth left Quil and Embry's side and went to the car, accepting a large platter from his sister's hands before she got out of the car. Bella couldn't miss the look of distaste that passed through Leah's dark eyes as she caught sight of her.

"What'd you make?" Seth asked, already pulling up the side of the aluminum foil that covered the platter.

Leah took her eyes from Bella's face and focused on her brother, swatting his hand away. "Don't touch," she said. "It's a casserole."

"Mm, your noodle and beef casserole?" he asked with a big grin.

"Of course," she answered, a tender smile crossing her lips. The only time that Bella saw Leah being anything less that severely irritated was when she was looking at Seth. Otherwise, she had a foul mood and Bella preferred to avoid her. Luckily, they had yet to be caught in a situation where they had to actually have a conversation, but from Leah's few barked comments to Bella, she knew how the girl felt about her dating Jacob: she strongly disapproved. Still, Bella couldn't help but be curious about how Leah had taken the news that there were other female werewolves out there, after she and Jacob had returned from the clan where men and women seemed equally capable of making the change. She knew that Leah would have read that in Jacob's thoughts, even he didn't actually tell her.

Jacob almost never told Bella anything that he'd picked up from the minds of his pack members. He had a strict etiquette about that, which she admired in him. The more time she spent with Jacob, the more she respected him as a man, outside of her feelings for him as a friend and boyfriend. He was so honest, so confident and caring, not just for her, but also for all the other people in his life, even those like Paul and Leah who he seemed not to get along with. Despite the fact that his code of honour meant her curiosity went frequently unsatisfied, she couldn't help but love him even more for it.

* * *

**Author's Note:** So glad to be receiving nice reviews- I know it's mostly setup at this point, but I hope you're enjoying it so far!


	3. Chapter 3

Despite her best intentions, Bella found herself standing in a clearing in the middle of the woods, watching as Quil and Embry, who had ordained themselves captains in Paul and Jared's absence, chose teams. She couldn't understand why all the supernatural people in her life insisted that she participate in organized sports with them, despite her obvious flaws.

As though sensing that fun was being had without them, Paul and Jared had returned as soon as first pick had been tossed for, seeming as calm as if no fight had even happened. Embry won the toss and immediately chose Jacob, and Quil in turn chose Paul, leaving just Seth, Jared, and Leah up for grabs. Jared went to Embry's team, and Seth to Quil's, and Bella felt badly as they all seemed to silently hesitate, fighting with their eyes about who would have to take Leah.

"It doesn't matter," she spoke up before anyone could say anything. "We're uneven. I don't feel like playing anyway."

"No way," Seth said, tossing a glare at the others. "Come on, Leah, be on our team."

She smiled briefly at him. "It's fine," she said. "I want to go for a run."

"Sam's out running," Jacob said, clearing his throat a little as afterthought, as though saying that had made him uncomfortable.

Leah hesitated, obviously trying to decide on a lesser of two evils. For a moment Bella wondered why she didn't just go back to Emily's to help with dinner, but then she belatedly realized that that was obviously out. Leah seemed unable to decide which torture she wanted to subject herself to.

"Hey," Bella called to her, breaking the tense silence, and eight pairs of eyes swiveled towards her. "Um… you can help me ref," she offered.

Leah looked like she'd swallowed something disgusting. Her eyes flickered to the boys, then back to Bella, and finally she let out a long, frustrated sigh. "Fine," she said, crossing the grass to Bella's side. "Do you even know how to call penalties in football?"

"Yeah," Bella answered, trying to keep her voice even and not be offended. "My dad has subjected me to a lot of football games in my life. I think I understand the rules well enough."

"Okay," she said, passing her eyes up Bella's body and finishing with such a look of irritation that Bella squirmed under her gaze.

"I was just trying to be nice, you know," she said as they boys scattered, deciding on their positions and readying for the first play.

"Yeah?" Leah said, jerking the football from Bella's hands. "Well I don't need your pity or your help." She trotted over to roughly the middle of the field. "Captains!" she called, and Embry and Quil both hurried to where she stood. Leah pulled a quarter on her pocket and flipped it; this time Quil won the toss, and Leah set the ball down square in the middle of the field, keeping her thumb on the tip on turning her face as Quil took a running start and kicked the ball hard. As it sailed through the air, Leah returned to Bella's side. "Why don't you ref Jacob's team and I'll keep an eye on Seth's?" she suggested. "You stare at him all day anyway." Without waiting for a response, she turned her attention pointedly on the game.

Bella tried not to be offended, but it was hard. Still, she stopped short of actually starting a fight with Leah. She knew the girl could rip her to shreds if she wanted to, or even accidentally, and Bella didn't trust her at all. So instead she did as Leah had asked, and paid attention to Jacob's team, calling their fouls when she saw them and screaming her support when they scored. Jacob's team won, and by the end of it, she found herself in the company of six smelly, sweating teenage boys. Secretly she wondered how they didn't pass out, given that their bodies normally functioned at 108.9° _without_ any physical activity.

"We've still got a half-hour till dinner," Jared said as they walked home, in human form mostly for Bella's benefit. "Let's go cliff-diving."

Jacob and Bella exchanged a glance as he slipped his hand into hers. "Maybe we'll sit this one out," he said with a small smile in her direction.

"Thanks," she said, remembering with a shudder how her last brush with adventure over the side of the cliff had ended. They fell back, following the others who, despite an hour and a half of rough-and-tumble football that had gotten downright scary at times, seemed to still be full of energy.

When they reached the cliffs, Bella had to laugh as one by one the boys showed off, doing somersaults and fake death scenes over the side of the rocks before splashing into the churning surf below. Even Leah participated, swandiving over the edge of the cliff with surprising grace.

"Did you tell her about all the female werewolves up north?" Bella couldn't resist asking.

"Not in so many words," Jacob answered.

"Did she freak?"

He let out a long sigh. "I thought it would make her happy, but I think it gave her the opposite reaction. Now she feels tortured _and_ unspecial."

"Sorry," she said sympathetically.

He shrugged. "With Leah, you can't really win." He looked at her and smiled, leaning down a little to touch his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. "We should head back to Emily's," he said. "The others will catch up with us."

She smiled at him and together they turned back. Walking through the fragrant, quiet woods hand-in-hand with Jacob, Bella felt nothing but contentment. Her life seemed so simple now, and happy.

Every element on Emily's stove was in use bubbling various pots of delicious-smelling things, but Emily herself was nowhere to be found when they first arrived there. Jacob immediately broke free of Bella's hand and hurried to the stove, grabbing a big spoon. Bella giggled as she watched him pause for a moment, trying to decide what to taste first.

As though on cue, Emily appeared on the ladder-style staircase that led up to the loft bedroom she and Sam shared, and in a sharp voice she said, "Jacob Black, you get away from that stove." He hesitated, as though trying to calculate whether it was worth it to ignore her, but Emily took advantage of his indecision and hurried over there, nudging him with her hip. It barely moved him, but he laughed good-naturedly and handed the spoon over, heaving a feigned sigh of frustration before returning to Bella's side.

"It smells delicious," Bella called over to the older girl. "Can I help with anything?"

"Yeah, you can make sure your boyfriend keeps his hands to himself," Emily answered with a smirk. "We'll eat as soon as-" Her sentence was interrupted by a few yips and whoops from the approaching boys outside, and she revised it, "Okay, we'll eat now."

"What about Sam?" Jacob asked.

"What about me?" Sam's unmistakable deep voice called from the staircase, a towel in his hand as he dried his short cap of dark brown hair.

"Perfect," Emily said. "You're out of the shower, your brothers are here. I love it when things go on schedule." She started carting pots to the counter, which Bella quickly jumped in to help her with, being extremely careful not to spill anything as Emily stacked a bunch of plates and a handful of cutlery onto the counter. In the meantime, everybody else lined up, and Bella soon witnessed the ritual she was now fairly used to, that of eight hungry werewolves warring for plates and forks and serving spoons. As usual, she and Emily hung back waiting, never as hungry as the others.

Eventually, they all got food, and found themselves places to sit, not only around Emily's small table but also on the couches and the floor. Jacob saved Bella the seat next to him on one couch and she slid into it with her plate, much less full than everyone else's save Emily's, finding herself where she usually ended up- between Jacob and Seth. Embry and Quil occupied the other couch and Paul had plunked himself on the floor by their feet. Sam, Emily, and Jared took seats at the table, while Leah sat on the arm of the couch next to her brother.

For a while there was very little talking, as the wolf pack devoured what was in front of them. Bella had never known such a hungry group of people in her life; it seemed like they were literally never full. Jacob had told her that Emily received a stipend from the tribal council just for feeding them, and Bella could believe it. She couldn't imagine the girl's grocery bill, with how much the pack was always at her house.

Bella liked to people-watch, and she had to admit that that was one of the best things about hanging out with this particular group. Everyone was very comfortable with one another and there certainly wasn't a lot of bashfulness, so she got to by a fly on the wall of the pack dynamics. She was especially fascinated with how Emily behaved with all of them, particularly when Sam wasn't around.

The first time Bella had noticed it, it had confused and embarrassed her, because she could plainly see that the boys were all flirting with Emily, and what was more, she was flirting back. But at the same time, she kept them all at arms length, as though toeing a very fine line between what was acceptable and what wasn't. At first Bella read the situation wrong and commented to Jacob that Emily seemed to have a wandering eye, but Jacob had said that that wasn't it at all- with a blush he had explained that, because they all shared Sam's thoughts and memories, and therefore shared his intense love for Emily, they all often felt not only romantically but sexually attracted to her.

"Imagine how weird it is for us… you feel like you know someone so intimately that you've never met before you changed, never touched… but you could almost swear you had," Jacob had explained. "That's what we all deal with, on a daily basis. Em likes the attention… but she has a pretty hard job, keeping everyone in check."

Once Bella had thought about it like that, she'd noticed that what Jacob had said was true. Emily was constantly on the offensive in terms of her boundaries, particularly when Sam was gone and the other boys didn't feel as motivated to behave. But the girl was so good at heading off potentially inappropriate moments that it came off as a game. Maybe it was, in a way, but it must have been a bit odd for Emily to have seven people witness her most private moments second-hand… especially when two of them were her cousins. But, like Jacob, everyone seemed to have a strict code of ethics about discussing the things that came up through their link, and Bella had yet to witness anyone mention anything that could embarrass Emily.

She certainly didn't envy the strange situation the other girl had found herself in. Though she realized her own predicament wasn't that different now- she wondered if Jacob had to deflect sexual comments and feelings from his brothers about _her._ She tried not to think about it; at least none of them had made any kind of move on her.

"Sam, you missed a great football game," Embry said when his hunger had died down enough that he could breathe. "We won, of course."

"You cheated," Seth protested good-naturedly.

"Did not," Jared retorted. "Besides, Jacob was like a handicap, staring at Bella for half the game instead of keeping his eyes on the ball."

"Yeah," Paul agreed, despite the fact that he hadn't even been on Jacob's team. "You should have played, Bella. It would have been fun."

She shook her head. "No way," she said. "You have no idea how much I suck at sports."

"I think we can guess," Leah piped up.

"Yeah, come on Jake, you're giving Bella special treatment just because she's your wife!" Seth said, grinning. There was a momentary pause, and then everyone burst out laughing.

Bella's face flamed and she glared daggers at Jacob, which only made everyone laugh harder. It wasn't a cruel laughter, but she felt humiliated. She buried her face in Jacob's shoulder, and a moment later the laughter tapered off, so she suspected that he'd given everyone a glare to silence them.

"Sorry," he said gently, pressing a kiss to Bella's hair. "I tried not to."

"I thought you guys didn't talk about link stuff," she hissed back.

"Bella's right," Emily said sternly. "You guys can't give her a hard time because of something you shouldn't even know about. That was a special moment for them- a _private_ moment."

"Yeah, private and hilarious!" Jared crowed, and a few of them started laughing again, though much less loudly and quieting down much sooner.

Sam was the first to clean his plate, and he soon stood and went back to the kitchen for seconds. Bella watched as he piled his plate high with more food than she could have eaten in a first helping, let alone a second. Then, suddenly, he set down the plate and reached for something else, lines of worry creasing his forehead.

"Emily," he said gently, but with enough presence that everyone turned to look. "Is this from today's paper?" He held up a newspaper article that had been carefully cut out. The headline read 'Police Fear Serial Killer as Missing Persons Cases Triple.'

"Yeah," Emily answered, sounding both sad and worried. "I cut it out this morning."

Sam returned to the table, his food forgotten, and read the article. Bella felt a sick feeling rising in her stomach, that familiar feeling of fear that she tried to convince herself was absent from her life with Jacob. But she knew that wasn't true. Victoria was dead, but there was still something else going on- something truly serious. She knew from Jacob that Sam was keeping track of the news, though they couldn't yet be sure it had anything to do with vampires.

"Sam?" Jacob asked tensely.

"It's the same," he answered. "No indication of what might be happening, but there is definitely something going on down there. Something big."

Bella watched everyone exchange tense glances. She knew it was frustrating for them, to feel compelled to destroy vampires, suspecting that they had something to do with what was happening down there, but being powerless to do anything about it unless the problem migrated north. But they had no choice- even one giant wolf prowling the streets of Seattle was sure to be spotted, let alone eight. At least here they had the protection of the forest.

"Jacob," she said softly, turning his attention back to her. "If this has to do with vampires, maybe you should talk to…" She trailed off as she realized everyone's attention was focused on her.

"What, you want us to ask those ticks for advice?" Leah asked sarcastically, narrowing her eyes.

"No way," Paul said. "Did you know your little vampire friends were straying onto our land? We were within our rights to kill them, you know."

"Come on," Seth said. "They're not so bad…" He trailed off, quieting down immediately as he received a few sharp looks from the others.

Bella swallowed, realizing she should have brought this topic up in private with Jacob, who would have at least considered the idea before squashing it outright.

"Okay, no ganging up on Bella," Emily spoke up, trying to lighten the mood. "She's just trying to help."

Taking Emily's cue, Sam said, "We appreciate it, Bella… but our hands are tied. We'll just have to take a wait and see approach." Everyone shifted uncomfortably, clearly not liking this plan, but also not being able to argue with Sam's decision. Still, no one challenged him, and gradually the stressful mood passed.

Bella and Emily were still nibbling at their plates even after every one of the boys and Leah had cleared their own and gone for seconds. Emily smiled at Bella as she was left momentarily alone on the couch and took the opportunity to snag Seth's vacated seat, putting her arm around Bella and giving her a squeeze.

"It's unbelievable how much they can eat," Bella remarked.

"You're telling me?" Emily answered with a warm smirk in the direction of the pack. "If they didn't volunteer to take shifts driving down to Costco in Seattle every Saturday I'd never let them through the front door."

"Well, you'd probably still let Sam through," she teased.

Emily giggled and glanced at Sam, and Bella could plainly see the love in the other girl's eyes, a fond softening of her expression as she gazed at him before turning her attention back to Bella. "Sorry about all that awkwardness before," she said. "That's why I was going to show the article to Sam _after_ you all left."

"It's okay," Bella answered. "I should keep my nose out of things."

Emily just shrugged, then she smiled conspiratorially. "So. We have to talk about this village you and Jake were in," she said.

Bella was surprised. "Hasn't Sam filled you in?"

"He filled me in on the need-to-know version of Jacob's experience, but I'm way too curious to settle for that," Emily said with a wave of her hand. "I want your version and I want details."

"Um, okay," Bella answered, smiling a little. Emily was certainly never shy about making demands; she wondered how much that had to do with having someone like Sam basically at her beck and call, excited to please her in any way possible.

"But not now," Emily added. "Too many people around to give their two cents. You should come over sometime and we'll have a girls' day in. We'll paint our nails and do facials or something and you can tell me all about it."

"Careful," Leah's wry voice came suddenly from next to them, making Bella jump a little. "With Em, innocent nail painting will turn into skinny-dipping in no time."

Emily stood up and let her cousin resume her seat on the arm of the couch, mouthing a quick 'call me later' to Bella before retreating back to the table. Bella smiled at Leah, but she didn't return it, instead digging into her plate. Seth and Jacob soon returned and reclaimed their seats on either side of her, but Bella still felt a bit awkward about the whole thing.

That night when Jacob was dropping her off at home she asked, more casually than she felt, "Does Leah hate me?"

He hesitated, and that said a lot. But then he answered, "No."

"Oh, okay. That's really convincing, Jake," she teased.

Jacob let out a sigh. "She doesn't hate you. She doesn't really _hate_ anyone. She's just not friendly, and she's really torn up about Abi's village and there being other girl werewolves and everything. I heard Em asking you about it."

"Yeah," Bella answered. "I get it, really. It's fine."

"She doesn't hate you," he assured her.

Bella leaned over and kissed him, and then they said goodnight and she went inside. She really didn't care what anyone thought of her, and she wasn't going to be nice to someone who wasn't nice to her. She put Leah out of her mind and instead started daydreaming about Jacob, wondering what his next romantic gesture might be. She loved his unpredictability, and she knew whatever came next was bound to be a big surprise. The thought of that put a smile on her face as she crawled into bed, pulling her purple comforter up to her chin and letting her eyelids slowly flutter closed.


	4. Chapter 4

Bella had slept through her alarm and was dressing hurriedly when she heard Edward's Volvo pull into the driveway below. Quickly she pulled a shirt on over her bra and went to the window, tapping on the glass just as he was exiting the car. Once she had his attention she held up a finger to indicate that he should wait a minute; a humourous smile touched his lips but he nodded to her, leaning against the hood of the car and waiting patiently. There was at least one good thing about having a vampire be her ride to school when she was late- when they weren't going through the middle of town, he could drive quickly enough to make up the time. Not that she always liked going so fast she felt like they were going to crash at any second. But it could sometimes be thrilling, and she was used to it enough to not have her heart in her throat for the entire ride anymore.

Once she was in the car and they had pulled out into the road she finally glanced at Edward. He was dressed well as usual, wearing tailored designer clothes that always made him stand out at school even more than his pale skin or his constant air of nonchalance.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, his voice smooth as he glanced at her, meeting her brown eyes with his golden ones.

"Well," she answered, looking back to the road. "So well that I, um… I slept through my alarm. Didn't even hear it blaring until I was fifteen minutes late."

"Good thing Charlie was already gone," he remarked.

"Yeah," she agreed. "If it had been his day off he would have killed me."

Edward smiled. "I don't really think your father is the kind to kill you over anything, Bella," he said. "He barely even gives you punishments when you deserve it."

"You sound like you're complaining," she teased. "Isn't that everyone's dream parent?"

He shrugged. "It's been a long time since I was actually parented," he pointed out.

Bella fell silent for a long moment, just watching the trees and the occasional house go by, thinking of her parents. "Carlisle must have been a bit like that when he first changed you," she mused.

"He was," Edward agreed. "And I appreciated him for that. After losing my family, it was good to belong to another one. But over time I didn't need to be parented anymore… I grew out of it."

She smiled at him. "See?" she said. "You're not so different from any other teenager."

The smile Edward returned was just a little strained. "But I still envy you, Bella," he reminded her. "You and all your friends… you can really grow up. Move forward." He turned his attention back where they were going, but he seemed troubled somehow- preoccupied.

"Is something wrong?" she couldn't help asking.

His golden eyes flickered to her, then back to the road. "No."

She didn't believe him, but he slowed the car to a more acceptable speed as they neared the school, and a moment later they were parked and he was out of the car. He came around to her side and opened her door, and as soon as Bella stepped out of the car she could feel eyes on her. She had heard whispers of the gossip, partly through second-hand reports from her friends and partly by accident when no one thought she was around. Some of the kids thought she and Edward were still together, and that Bella was juggling two boyfriends, taking advantage of the fact that they lived in different towns and went to different schools. It was ludicrous, of course, and she tried to ignore it, but she knew that Edward still driving her to school and opening the door for her and all the other considerate things he did only fuelled the rumours. But she tried not to think about it, chalking it up to the fact that it was so rare for a couple to stay friends after breaking up in high school.

"Thanks for the ride," she said to Edward, as she said every day.

"No problem," he answered. "I'll see you in second period." He lingered for a moment, and then he turned and headed for one entrance to the school, while Bella made a beeline for the other. Normally they might have met up with his siblings, but class was due to start shortly so they must have already been inside.

Bella had always been a solid A student, with the occasional B thrown in to keep her on her toes, but since becoming aware of the supernatural elements of life school didn't particularly hold the same thrill. Mostly she enjoyed the chance it gave her to socialize with her friends. She looked forward to lunch all morning, and the last bell all afternoon. After homeroom she had Biology, where they were learning about the cardiovascular system, and then she had second period English with Edward. After lunch was gym, which she loathed and dreaded beyond all else, and then she just had to endure math before she could leave.

It wasn't so bad, really, much better now than a few months ago, when Edward had been gone. During that time she'd been like a zombie, attending classes but barely existing, barely taking anything in and barely able to spew anything back out for quizzes and exams. If it hadn't been for Jacob dragging her out of that haze of depression, she wouldn't have even passed. She'd had a lot of catching up to do at the beginning of this year, but she was back on track.

Lunch was typical: Angela and Jessica filled Bella's ears with gossip as Mike and Eric vied for her attention. She had fun, but her eyes drifted more than once to the Cullens' table, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something was going on with Edward. He seemed uninterested in whatever his siblings were talking about, and Alice kept exchanging complicated expressions with Jasper every time they tried and failed to engage him in the conversation. What was bothering him so much?

"So, we're still on for after school, right?" Jessica asked, interrupting Bella's thoughts.

"What? Oh, Port Angeles- yeah, of course."

Jessica brightened. "Great! Mike made reservations, so you and Jake can follow."

"Sure," Bella answered. They were going on a double date. Her and Jacob, Jessica and Mike. Jessica had confided to Jacob that she was afraid Mike was growing tired of their relationship, and the double date was supposed to be a fun night out to remind him how great she was. Bella had, of course, agreed to go along, and Jacob was always up for pretty much anything as long as it involved spending time with her. Things had been a bit strained between Jessica and Bella since she'd come back from Canada, and admittedly even before that, so Bella hoped this outing would help to take their friendship back to a more comfortable place.

Gym was not quite as torturous as usual, and the subject they were studying in math was so difficult that the period flew by as Bella struggled to understand the problems on the board. Soon she was transferring books from her locker to her bag, and following a very chatty Jessica out the door, Mike following behind them. As usual, Jacob was waiting for her there, leaning against the wall next to his motorcycle. Girls let out little giggles and talked to each other behind their hands as they passed him, particularly if he gave them a smile or nod of greeting. Bella couldn't help the rising of that little flutter in her heart knowing that he was here just for her.

"Hey," she said as she reached him, Jessica and Mike holding back a few steps. Jacob tucked a hand behind her ear and leaned in for a long kiss. When he finally pulled back, Bella glanced back slyly at Jessica and saw that the other girl had a mixed expression on her face: wistfulness and jealously. Bella tried not to smirk, keeping most of it internal, but it was hard not to feel proud of her and Jacob's relationship, even though she knew how badly Jessica wished she had the same kind of boyfriend in Mike. It wasn't that Mike wasn't sweet or caring, but he didn't like to be controlled or planned for, and Jessica could be pretty neurotic sometimes.

"Hey guys," Jacob said, nodding to both of them and giving Bella's right hand a squeeze in his left.

"Hey man, what's up?" Mike said, reaching forward to shake his free hand. He had long since giving up ribbing on Jacob about having a fever, getting too hot and heavy, or any number of other remarks triggered by Jacob's elevated body temperature.

"Hello, Jake," Jessica said somewhat stiffly, but Bella ignored it, knowing she would loosen up once she felt less threatened.

"Okay, Mike's going to lead the way, so…" Bella trailed off pointedly, and Mike and Jessica took the hint, hurrying off to Mike's car as Jacob handed Bella her helmet and mounted his bike, waiting for her to slide on behind him. As soon as her arms were locked safely around his waist, he started the engine and rode them around just to where Mike was puling out of his parking space. Bella couldn't help but blush a little as the eyes of her peers lingered on Jacob, the girls envious of her having a boyfriend who owned a motorcycle, the guys checking out Jacob's muscles and wishing they could match.

But there was one pair of eyes she could feel quite distinctly, and she turned her head slightly as Jacob waited for Mike to pull out into the street, looking without appearing to look. Edward stood by his car, gazing at her with an expression of such pain and discomfort on his face that she felt her heart sink. He seemed so unhappy, so lost and hurt, that she wondered if she'd been underestimating how difficult this all was for him. But what could she do? She had tried to make this as easy as possible on him, but it didn't seem to help.

Mike finally got himself organized and headed for the road, following the long line of students doing the same thing. Jacob coasted the motorcycle after him, and soon they were turning in the direction that would take them to the freeway. Bella had to force her eyes away from Edward, turning her attention back to Jacob, and she tried to shake the lingering sadness. There was nothing she could do that she wasn't already doing. She just hoped Edward would come around to it. If his leaving for a month hadn't been enough to adjust, and the effort she was making to be friends and spend time with him wasn't enough, then she didn't know what else to do.

Bella forced Edward out of her mind, knowing how important this evening was to Jessica and wanting to spend time with Jacob without thoughts of Edward interfering. She enjoyed the warmth of his back as they drove, following Mike and Jessica toward Port Angeles. When she'd first started dating Jacob, a ride like this would have left her thighs aching by the end, but now she was used to it- forty minutes to the reservation, or an hour to Port Angeles as they were embarking on now. Either way, she just took pleasure in the physical closeness they shared as he drove, letting her mind wander as she watched the scenery go by.

Mike had made reservations at a small, cozy restaurant that was off the beaten track but still had excellent food. After their meals arrived there was some silence as they all got comfortable, but soon they were making small talk about their parents, friends, school, homework they hated, and all the other usual things. Mike and Jessica seemed happy to talk to someone who wasn't part of 'their world,' and Jacob seemed happy to entertain their questions about the difference between living in Forks and living in La Push.

"No fair, you guys get _so_ many field trips," Jessica complained.

Jacob laughed. "I guess we just like nature more than you palefaces," he joked, prompting an uncomfortable glance to pass between Mike and Jessica.

"Come on," Bella said, nudging him and smiling a little. "No faux racist comments at the dinner table, okay?"

He smiled. "Okay, but only because you asked." He leaned over and kissed her, pressing his lips gently against hers and holding them there for a long time. Bella pulled back when she heard Jessica's wistful sigh, and she saw Mike toss a glare in Jacob's direction for upstaging him.

After dinner, Jessica convinced Mike to take her home and 'hang out' some more; Bella watched as Jessica hooked her arm through Mike's and dragged him off to the car, leaving Bella and Jacob alone.

Jacob chuckled as he watched them go, and then hooked his own arm through Bella's, much more willingly than Mike's version had been, and pulled her close. "That was fun."

"Really?" she asked skeptically. "You weren't bored out of your skull?"

He laughed. "Maybe just a little."

"Poor Jessica," Bella said. "She's not going to let Mike go without a fight."

"I know how she feels," Jacob answered, wiggling his eyebrows at her. She laughed, giving him a playful shove even as her face flushed with pleasure.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't give up as easily as Jessica probably will," she said with a smirk, leaning her cheek against his shoulder as they walked.

He put a finger under her chin and tipped it up, laying a gentle kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes, sighing softly into the warmth of his lips, and caught his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Jacob released her enough that he could look into her eyes, his own warm and dark. "I would never give up on you," he said softly. Bella's heart fluttered when she saw the depth of love in his eyes as he said those words. They resumed strolling, a comfortable silence overtaking them, broken finally by Jacob's low whistle as a car he found particularly attractive drove by. "Just a second, Bella," he said, letting go of her for a moment to hurry quickly to the curb so he could watch it round the corner. She giggled as she watched him get excited for a piece of metal she could care less about, but it was cute.

Turning back in the direction of his motorcycle, Bella wheeled left suddenly as two children ran past her, chasing each other and giggling. Her left foot landed on a slant, half on the curb of the sidewalk and half on the street, and she went down, feeling her ankle twist beneath her as she pitched sideways onto to cold, wet cement of the street.

"Bella!" she heard her name being called, but oddly she didn't hear it as Jacob's voice, but Edward's. Then she realized there was another sound, the skidding of tires as a car or truck or some other terrible machine tried desperately to avoid her or stop in time. All she could see was two incredibly bright headlights coming towards her, and she couldn't help but think of that day long ago when she'd had to be rescued from almost this exact situation. What if her luck ran out this time?

But at the last second, someone seized her arm and hauled her upwards, pulling her to her feet and holding her close. From the warmth she knew it was Jacob, and she smiled into his chest as he clutched her to him, running his hands over her as though to make sure she was all in one piece.

Over his shoulder, she saw Edward, and with a start she realized she hadn't imagined his voice after all. He'd been here- why? And he'd stepped in to save her, but Jacob had beat him- how? Edward must have been standing some distance away, given how fast he she knew he could move. Now he was standing somewhat stiffly, not quite looking at them but not quite looking away, either.

"… you okay?" Jacob was saying. Quickly she turned her attention back to him.

"I'm fine," she answered, as Jacob searched her eyes for signs of shock or injury. He seemed to relax a little at those words, but he still held her close to him, as though to reassure himself that she was still with him.

"You scared me," he whispered softly into her hair.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm alright though." She smiled at him gently and added, "Thanks to you."

"How's your ankle?" he asked. Bella tested her weight on it gingerly and then smiled at him- it had only twisted momentarily, nothing serious.

Then, once again, Bella caught sight of Edward. He had moved a little ways away, still looking incredibly uncomfortable and almost like he was in pain as he stared at them. Bella cringed as Jacob followed her gaze and caught sight of him too, but instead of approaching him or trying to pick a fight, he just slowly shook his head in disbelief. Then he took Bella's hand, tugging her in the direction of the bike.

"Hang on," she said gently, squeezing his hand before releasing it. "Let me just talk to him."

Jacob's jaw tensed, but he nodded, shoving his hand in his pockets. "I'll wait for you over there," he said gently, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek before his eyes slid to Edward once more. Then he turned and walked away.

Bella walked towards Edward hesitantly, but he wasn't quite looking at her as she approached. She stopped just in front of him, wrapping her arms around herself as she did so. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he repeated, his voice sounding a bit flat, hiding the pain that hovered just underneath the surface.

"Sorry about that," she said. "It was kind of… awkward."

"Jacob's right," he said shortly, surprising her. "I had no business trying to protect you."

"He didn't say anything," she protested.

"Not out loud," Edward explained. "But he thinks I'm a creep for stepping in. For being here at all."

"You're not a creep," she said, somewhat defensively. "You just worry about me. I know that."

Finally, he looked at her, but she wished he hadn't- his eyes were guarded and full of anguish. "Bella, I can't turn off my worry for you."

Tentatively, she reached out and touched his hand, just for a moment. "I know that. I'm not asking you to."

"But you didn't need me," he answered flatly. "You don't need me here and you don't need me when you're on the reservation."

Bella bit her lip and didn't say anything for a long moment, knowing what he was saying was true. But she hated that he felt that way about it. "I… I do need you," she said finally. "Just not like that."

His smile was pained. "I know," he said. "It's just hard to get used to such a big change in such a short time." She nodded, trying to be supportive, but he didn't seem comforted. "Well," he said. "Jacob won't be patient much longer."

"It's alright…" she protested feebly.

Edward forced a smile. "It is alright," he agreed. "Now go on. I'll see you later."

"Are you sure?" she asked, though she knew he was right- Jacob would only wait so long.

Again, that forced smile. "I'm sure," he said. "Go on, Bella."

"Okay," she said softly. "I'll see you at school."

He nodded but said nothing more, so she turned and walked back to Jacob, who she realized had been watching them carefully the entire time. As she approached he put an arm around her shoulders and guided her back down the street to where the bike was parked.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Do you have to think mean things at him?" she retorted, a bit harsher than she'd intended.

Jacob inhaled deeply and then let the breath out slowly. "You can't expect me to control my thoughts, Bella," he said, sounding hurt.

He was right, and this was the second time she'd asked it of him- first to hide their embarrassing 'marriage' from his pack, and now to protect Edward's feelings. It wasn't fair. Bella glanced up at him and saw the tightness in his jaw as they walked, and she instantly felt guilty. She put her hand on his arm, stopping him. His dark brown eyes fell on hers questioningly.

"I'm sorry," she said gently.

He let out a soft sigh. "It's okay," he said. "I know you want to stay friends with him… I'm trying to support that, even if I think it is crazy to be friends with a vampire, particularly an ex-boyfriend vampire." He gave her a smirk and a little nudge, showing he was only joking around- mostly.

She smiled at him and nudged him back as they reached the bike. "Let's just forget it," she suggested as they both climbed on the motorcycle.

Jacob tipped his head back and kissed her deeply before saying, "My thoughts exactly." He revved the engine and pulled out into the street, and Bella snuggled up close to his warm back for the hour-long ride home.

She must have fallen asleep, because it seemed like only five or ten minutes had passed when she felt Jacob bring the bike to a stop and give her hands a squeeze. "Hey," he called softly to her. "You're going to fall off."

Quickly she straightened herself and stood up, dismounting the bike and waiting for him to do the same. She giggled as he threaded an arm through hers, escorting her like a gentleman all the way to the front door.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked. "Charlie won't be home for at least an hour."

"I'd love to," he said, sounding like he really did. "But I've got patrol."

She groaned playfully. "Sam's so mean," she said. "Messing with our love life."

"Tell me about it," he answered. His hand slipped behind her head and he pulled her in for a deep kiss, sliding his tongue through her lips and pulling her as close as possible, making her whole body melt as his warmth flooded through her. She put a hand on his lower back, just under the hem of his shirt, and at the same time his own hand crept up her shirt and cupped one of her breasts. Bella sighed her encouragement but, finally, the kiss had to end.

"Goodnight, beautiful," Jacob whispered.

"Goodnight," she answered gently. "Promise me you won't get killed out there."

"Promise," he answered with a grin before going back to the motorcycle and getting on it, giving the engine a loud rev for her benefit before tearing off down the road. Bella smiled after him, waiting until she could no longer hear his engine before going upstairs to her room and flopping down on the bed. She took advantage of this time before Charlie got home to do something which made her feel silly but happy all at once- daydreaming about Jacob and the life they might have together if everything stayed just exactly as it was now.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I had something entirely different planned for this chapter but due to a couple of reviews and comments from readers I've slightly adjusted my plan (don't worry, haven't shelved anything, just delayed it)! See, your reviews do matter everyone, and I love to get them! Feedback is always great. :-)


	5. Chapter 5

In the days that followed, Edward made himself scarce. At first Bella gave him space, knowing he was dealing with the difficulty of coming to terms with his new role in her life. But when the third day passed without him being at school, she could no longer ignore the pit of worry in her stomach. At lunch, she headed over to the table where Edward usually sat, coming face to face with a very apologetic-looking Alice.

"What's going on?" she demanded, sinking into the empty chair next to the dark-haired girl, already feeling apprehensive as Alice's golden eyes fixed on hers with hesitation.

"Bella," she said gently by way of a greeting, but then she fell silent again. Jasper stood and left the cafeteria, leaving the two girls alone.

"Alice," she said, making her words gentler this time. "Where is he?"

She let out a long sigh. "Home," she said heavily. "He's taking some time off school."

"Because of me," Bella said, not needing the confirmation, just knowing it was true.

"Bella," she said gently. "This is really hard for him. But he's trying."

"I know it's hard," she said stubbornly. "But I'm trying so hard not to shut him out of my life. It hurts that he's not making the same effort." Alice looked a little uncomfortable for a moment, and Bella pushed her. "What?"

"It's just… sometimes it's hard to be friends after a breakup, Bella. I mean… you two were so in love. You were going to leave this life behind to be a member of our family. And now you've chosen that- that-" She broke off, taking a deep breath, lowering her voice to a whisper. "That _werewolf."_ Bella could tell that she had originally planned to say something much worse, but held herself back, just as Jacob tried to hold himself back from using the words 'tick,' 'mosquito,' and 'bloodsucker' that his pack mates were so fond of.

"I do love him," she said softly. "I always will. But Jacob and I are together now and I owe it to him and myself to give that a chance. I wish Edward would understand that."

Alice covered Bella's hand with her own. "It's not that he doesn't understand," she said gently. "It's just… you're the first and only girl he's ever loved. It hurts to see you with someone else, and it hurts to try to stay friends."

"But wouldn't it hurt more _not_ to be friends?" Bella insisted. "I mean, if I just cut him straight out of my life, wouldn't that be like a hundred times worse?" She was thinking of her own experience, the terrible agony she felt when Edward left Forks- surely what he was feeling now couldn't top that?

A long silence passed between them before Alice said, very gently, "Pain is a funny thing, Bella. It doesn't change how much something hurts just to know that something else might hurt worse."

With those words, Bella felt an incredible guilt rise up from her belly, almost like a physical weight in her chest, as though she was about to vomit. Her eyes filled with tears but she forced them not to fall. Instead, she laid her head on Alice's shoulder, letting the other girl wrap an arm around her and gently squeeze her close.

"I don't know how to live my life without hurting people," she said softly. "It seems like no matter what I do, someone loses."

"You can't please everyone, Bella," Alice said gently. "Sometimes you just have to make choices that are right for you and live with the consequences."

Bella pulled back quickly, looking into Alice's golden eyes. "But you can see, right?" she asked eagerly. "You can see if I'm supposed to be with Edward or Jacob, right?"

Alice shook her head sadly. "I can't see past the wolves, Bella," she said gently. "You know that."

"But Edward…"

"Right now, his future's still tied to yours," she answered softly. "So much so that I can't see it either."

Bella let out a long breath of air and dropped her head back on Alice's shoulders. "Sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with stuff way outside my emotional capacity," she complained.

"Well, you sort of are," Alice said sympathetically. "I don't think anyone could really argue that."

"I love Jacob," she said, her voice a whisper.

"For reasons I'll never understand," Alice answered dryly. She gave Bella's shoulders a small squeeze. "But because I love _you,_ I don't need to."

Bella couldn't help but smile. Alice was a great friend; the best. "I just wish you could all stop fighting," she said, a complaint she'd made too many times over the past few months, to both sides.

She shrugged. "You can't stop cats and dogs and you can't stop us."

"But is that going to last forever?" Bella asked. "Can't you guys just bury the hatchet or whatever?" Alice's eyes glinted with a sparkle she got whenever Bella said something funny. "What?" she asked, pulling back to give the other girl a good-natured glare. "What did I say?"

"No, I'm sorry," Alice answered. "It's not that funny. It's just that 'bury the hatchet' is a Native American expression, so what you said struck me as ironic."

Bella made a face. "Oh, okay." She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at Alice. "Well, all the more that they should, then," she argued.

"Well, maybe you should bring that up to them," Alice teased. "I know Carlisle would be open to a dialogue about it. He'd even bring a real hatchet, if it would help."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, I'm good at sticking my foot in my mouth, I get it," Bella answered, smirking a little.

Alice's voice softened as she said more seriously, "Bella. With Edward… it won't always be like this. I don't need to see the future to know that. One way or another, change is inevitable."

Bella smiled as the bell rang for next period. "Thanks, Alice," she said. "Really, I feel better."

"Good," she answered. "Now if only Edward would listen to my sage advice."

"Get Jasper to magic him," Bella suggested, half-joking.

Alice smiled sadly. "You know it doesn't work like that," she said, sounding genuinely sorry for it. But she shrugged her shoulders, shaking it off. "Well, I have to get to chemistry. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, absolutely," Bella answered, waving as Alice moved off towards her class. Bella followed the throngs of kids into the hallway, but she barely noticed the faces and chatter around her. Alice's sadness had rubbed off, and for the rest of the school day she was preoccupied with thoughts of Edward.

* * *

Jacob was a good distraction. As usual, he waited at his motorcycle when the final bell rang, and he was content with a hug and a smile before waiting for Bella to climb on the bike behind him and heading off toward La Push. But after a good hour of television had passed at Jacob's house and barely a word had been uttered by either of them, he reached over and put his hand on top of her homework, setting his own aside.

Bella looked at him, his brown eyes soft with concern. He was really beautiful, strong and soft at the same time, warm and caring. Gentle. He reached out a hand and tucked it into her hair, sweeping it back over her ear as he gazed at her. "Hey," he said softly when her eyes met his for the first time since he'd picked her up.

"Hey," she answered, her lips curling up slightly as she felt the warmth of his love pass from his eyes and into her heart. She didn't know how he did that, but it was one of his secret gifts.

"Where have you been all day?" he asked.

She let out a long breath. "Nowhere," she answered. "I'm sorry, I've just been… preoccupied, I guess."

"Is anything wrong?" he asked, concerned. He sat back on the couch, raising an arm to invite her in, and Bella curled into his side, resting her head against his chest.

"Not really," she said, and the lie was like a sour taste in her throat. But how could she explain? She didn't want him to think that while she was spending time with him, she was worrying about Edward.

Jacob's hands were absently threading through her hair, his chest rising and falling under her cheek. She could feel his heartbeat, the movement of his blood through his veins- his life. She loved that about him, the simple fact that he was alive and warm.

"I love you," he said softly, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head.

She squeezed him close. "I love you too," she whispered the truth to him, covering up her lie with something more important. It was the truth: she did love him. And any lingering love for Edward couldn't take that away or diminish it. Her heart was bigger than that.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" he asked gently. His words weren't accusatory or even defensive, just cautious, as though he actually thought she might not know.

Bella tipped her chin up and looked at him. "I know that," she answered. "I trust you."

"I trust you too," he answered with a soft smile. "I just wish I didn't feel like there was this big wall between us today."

She let out a soft sigh, running a hand through his short hair and remembering how he'd looked when it had flowed down past his shoulders. The cropped cut made him look older, more sophisticated, but the long-haired look had made him seem innocent and full of fun. But it probably wasn't the haircut that had changed that, she realized- it was becoming what he was, the profound change in his life, that had matured him.

Jacob caught her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing each of her fingers and then her palm, nibbling playfully at the lines on her hand. Then he abandoned her hand and pressed his lips softly to hers. She parted her lips and reached her tongue out to meet his as he pulled her closer. They made out for a long time, and Bella enjoyed the closeness, the intimacy without conversation, how easy it was to lose herself in his embrace and his lips. By the time she pulled back, they were both breathing hard, almost gasping for air. Jacob's eyes were impossibly dark, and she knew hers must have matched.

He reached out a hand and slid it under her shirt, his fingertips tracing the curve of her side, from her hip to her ribcage, the light caress making her body shiver. He kissed her deeply again, then moved his lips to her chin and neck before sucking gently on her earlobe.

"Hey," she said gently, pushing his head away but keeping him close, stroking the back of his neck lightly. "What about your dad?"

"Tribal council meeting tonight," he said. "It's at Sue's. He won't be home for ages." With a grin he reached for her again, lifting her easily so she was straddling his legs, and Bella could feel now not only how much he wanted her, but her own growing excitement as well.

Again he kissed her, and she drunk in the taste of his mouth, inhaling the scent of him- cedar and pine, the forest floor and the cool ocean breeze. His hands grasped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, interrupting their kiss long enough to pull it up and then tossing it aside. His left hand closed over one of her breasts as his right went to work on her bra, unclasping the hooks and tossing it in the general direction of her shirt. He bent his head to her other breast, taking the nipple deeply into his mouth and nibbling gently.

Bella hissed in a breath, one hand anchoring in his hair so there was no chance that he could stop what he was doing, not that she thought he had any plans to. With her free hand she reached down and undid the button of his cutoffs, sliding the zipper down and taking hold of him through his boxers, grinning at the groan of pleasure he made against her breast.

Then her phone started ringing. They both paused for a moment, their deep breaths coming in sync, and their heads turned in unison to cast irritated glances in the direction of her bag. With a frustrated sigh Bella started to get off his lap, but Jacob gripped her hips, flipping her over onto the couch and seizing her other nipple with his lips, swirling his tongue around it.

"Jacob," she gasped, hardly able to think with what he was doing to her. When his hand pulled open the button of her jeans, she covered it with her own hand and he stopped, letting out a frustrated sigh of his own.

"Hurry," he said, kissing her again as if to remind her of what she was walking away from. Her legs felt like jelly as she quickly rose and went to her bag, answering the phone on what was probably going to be the last ring before it went to voicemail.

Charlie's concerned voice was on the other end. "Hey Bells, everything okay?"

"Yeah," she said, quickly calming her voice and trying to wrack her brain thinking if there was something she was supposed to do.

"You at home?" he asked. "I called the landline but you didn't answer."

"No, I'm at Jake's."

"Ah," he said, and fell silent. Jacob crept over to her and reached for her breasts but she dodged him, suppressing a giggle. He settled for stroking the small of her back, the tops of her hips and the bottom for her ribcage, driving her crazy and making her whole body break out into goose bumps.

"Um… so is there something up?" she asked finally, swatting Jacob away with a hand. He grinned wickedly at her.

"No," Charlie answered, drawing her back to the conversation. He seemed unhappy about something. "No," he said again.

"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

He didn't say anything for a moment, but then he said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to cleared out of here early tonight and I was thinking you might want to go to the diner… but you're at Jake's so that's fine."

Bella let her breath out slowly, thinking. She had been neglecting Charlie lately, with everything. When she ran off up to Canada with Jacob technically against his rules, he'd been understanding, forgiving even. But ever since then she'd been so absorbed in her new boyfriend and trying to make Edward comfortable with friendship that she couldn't even remember the last time she and Charlie had spent some quality time together.

Jacob was looking at her expectantly, but the urgency in his expression faded somewhat as he saw her attention drifting.

"When are you leaving the station?" she asked.

"Probably half an hour," he answered, sounding almost excited.

"Okay," she said, guilty for more than one reason. "Sure. I'll meet you at the diner."

"Are you sure you want to?" he asked hesitantly.

"No, it's great," she assured him. "It'll be fun. It's overdue."

His voice was significantly more animated. "Alright, great. Yeah. I'll see you there, Bells." He hung up, and with a sigh she did the same.

Jacob was eyeing her with a disappointed expression. "You have to go?" he asked glumly.

"It's Charlie," she said. "He's getting off work in like half an hour and he wants to have dinner. I haven't hung out with him properly in ages. He didn't even invite you, which shows how much he misses me."

"Oh, so I'm just your ride and nothing else now, huh?" he teased playfully. With a fake dramatic sigh, Jacob pulled her close, pressing a kiss to the top of each of her breasts, and then he fished her bra and shirt from the floor and handed them over. "You owe me double next time," he said playfully.

"Definitely," she answered as she pulled her shirt over her head, kissing him deeply. She smirked as Jacob went to the sink and splashed his face with cold water, enjoying that she could make him feel like that. They hurried outside to his motorcycle and Jacob drove over the speed limit for most of the drive, but Charlie was waiting for her inside the diner already when she got there. She gave Jacob a quick kiss, embarrassed at the idea of her dad seeing, and promised that tomorrow they would finish what they'd started today.

"I'll hold you to that," he said playfully before pulling out onto the road again. She watched him drive away, smiling slightly to herself, and then she went inside. Charlie waved her over, looking so happy to see her that she felt even more guilty for not paying enough attention to him lately.

Dinner with her dad was surprisingly fun. Sometimes she got so caught up in all the things she couldn't say to him that she forgot everything she _could_ say, and there was a lot. She told him about school, about Edward's discomfort with her request to be friends, about how much she loved Jacob.

"He's good for you, Bells," Charlie said, not for the first time since she and Jacob had gotten together. "He's a good kid."

"Yeah, he is," she answered with a smile. If she'd been in the mood she might have protested that Edward, too, had been 'a good kid,' but she knew her dad didn't like him. There was no use pushing the issue.

"So what are you doing on Saturday?" he asked.

"Um… nothing, I don't think. Why?"

"We've been invited to dinner," he said. "At the Clearwaters' house. Jake and his dad will be there. The Atearas. A few others."

"Sounds fun," she said dryly, thinking of Leah, but in truth it probably would be fun, given Jacob's presence. And Quil was pretty good at making her laugh. "Sure, I'll be there."

Charlie smiled down at his food and took a bite of his salad, chewing thoughtfully. Once he'd swallowed he said, "I think it's good for us to make an effort. It's been real hard for Sue since Harry passed away, not to mention the kids."

"Yeah, I bet," Bella agreed, thinking about what it would feel like to lose a parent. Then with a chill she realized she had almost made the choice to lose both- forever. Her life was so different now.

"You and Leah are friends now anyway, aren't you?" he asked. "Even Seth hangs around with all you guys, doesn't he?"

"Um, yeah," Bella agreed. "But we're not really friends. It's just a big group thing. You know how that is."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Not really," he said with a wink. "But I'm glad you have so many friends, Bells. I was really worried about you for a while there."

"Thanks Dad," she said, her face flushing.

He waved a hand at her. "Sorry, I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm just saying… you seem happy. Much happier. I'm glad."

She nodded and forced a smile. "Yeah... I am happier."

* * *

Laying in bed that night, Bella thought about what he'd said. She seemed happier, she had more friends than ever, and she had a boyfriend who thought the world of her. She did feel lucky. But there was also that other part of her life- that small part of her heart that still belonged with the Cullens. She was growing to care about Jacob's pack more and more, and she enjoyed spending time with most of them, but she missed spending time with Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and even Rosalie. And Edward… she was trying to give him the time he needed, but what if he never came back to school? What if she never saw him again? The idea was terrifying.

Snuggling under her comforter long after Charlie was in bed, she tried to banish her fears and worries from her mind, to focus on happy things, like Jacob and her new life. She was looking forward to dinner on Saturday, and there were other things going on that could distract her from her problems. Those problems were trivial, anyway, compared to being afraid of Victoria climbing in her window and cutting her throat, or worse. She tried to convince herself that everything would be okay, trying to relax away her worries, but even when she did fall asleep, she slept fitfully. She dreamed of someone taking a saw to her body, splitting her in two like the two halves of her heart, and she feared that nothing would ever be able to make her one piece again.


	6. Chapter 6

Bella wasn't sure what time it was when she awoke, but she instantly knew that she wasn't alone. Turning her head, she saw Edward sitting on the edge of her bed, gazing at her. Bella hid her surprise, since he hadn't done this- at least not at night- since before she'd gone to Canada and everything had changed between them. And now with him missing school, she had feared the worst, that it would be a very long time before she saw him again. She quickly sat up.

"Hey," she said gently. "I've missed you at school."

For a brief moment, a small smile flashed across his face. "You can go back to sleep," he said softly. "I was about to leave. I just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"Of course I am," she said gently.

"I worry about you, when you're in La Push," he said, averting his eyes and staring at the floor. "You know I can't keep my eye on you there."

They'd had this discussion, so she said nothing about it. She was tempted to bring up the night he'd followed her and Jacob to Port Angeles, but she didn't want to scare him off. So instead she said, "You can stay if you want. I can get up." Even as she said it, she yawned, and her eyes felt heavy.

"No," he said, reaching out a hand and brushing a stray tendril of hair from her face. He glanced away, as though wanting to say something but uncertain of how to bring it up. Then he seemed to think better of it, and he stood. His smile was strained when he turned it on her, almost painful. "I wonder," he said softly. "When you wake up, will you remember this, or will you think it was all a dream?"

"I'll remember," she said gently. "And if I don't, you can remind me." Again that pained smile. He said nothing, but she could read him better than he liked to admit. "Edward? Is something wrong?"

Again the hesitation, but he finally said, without looking at her, "Everything's fine. Go back to sleep."

Bella sat up straighter, pushing the comforter off her, and crawled to the edge of the bed before standing up next to him. "What is it?" she asked. "Is something wrong? Is someone in danger?" He had the same expression he often had when he worried about her, but her confusion only grew as he slowly shook his head. "Edward, tell me," she said urgently. She dropped her voice a little and added, "Please."

He took so long to obey that she was sure he would again insist that everything was fine and leave it at that. But after what seemed like an hour he said in a pained voice, "Remember when I told you that I'd thought it would be easier to adjust to this if I took some time? Went on that hunting trip?"

"Yes?"

"Well, it wasn't."

"I know," she said gently. "You said that before. I'm sorry, Edward, I don't-"

Quickly he cut her off. "You don't have to apologize, Bella," he insisted. "It's not your fault. I want to respect your decision and you shouldn't have to settle for anything less. I won't make you. But for me… this is something that's just too painful for me. It's too hard."

She sat there for a long time, absorbing his words. Finally she asked, slowly, "What exactly are you saying?"

"Bella," he whispered. "I have to go away. I have to leave this place… there's nothing but memories for me here."

The panic immediately seized her chest and threatened never to let go. She couldn't believe this was happening; not again. "Edward," she choked out. "Wait, no- you- you can't do this. Not again. You don't have to. I can make things easier. I can make more time for you… spend less time on the Rez. It'll be okay, I promise."

It looked like her words had physically hurt him as he cringed, then stared at her floor for a long moment before turning back to her quickly and putting his hands on her shoulders. His golden eyes bored into her brown ones as he said, "Bella, this is not your fault. It's mine. I should be stronger than this… I should be able to be happy for you because you're happy. But I can't stand this. It's so hard to watch you be with someone else, to watch you make what I think is a mistake, and to know that I wasn't chosen. It's selfish, and I'm sorry, but I just need some time to come to terms with this. Real time, not just a quick hunting trip. That's obviously not enough."

"So what are you talking about then?" she asked, the possibilities seeming to stretch in front of her like a bed of coals on which she was being forced to walk. "Six weeks? A couple of months?"

He didn't answer for a long moment as he released her shoulders and went back to studying her floor. Eventually he said, softly, "Maybe a few years. Ten at the most." At her horrified expression he reminded her, "That's not as long for me as it is for you, Bella."

"But… but…" Her eyes welled up with tears and she felt physically ill as she imagined him being gone for ten whole years. She would be nearly thirty when he came back… she and Jacob could be married, they could even have kids, she could have finished college… they might live somewhere completely different… but no, Jacob couldn't leave La Push, the draw of the land was too strong… but so much would have changed. But to not have Edward? Being without him had almost killed her once… could she really go through that again?

"You can't do this," she said, her voice urgent and flat all at once. "You can't do this to me."

"It's what I have to do," he answered. "I want you to be happy."

"So you're abandoning me?" she whispered. "That doesn't make sense. Besides, what if Jake and I break up? What if you get back here and I'm old and I've been waiting around for you for like eight years?"

"I'd check in on you," he said softly. "I don't trust completely that the werewolves can take care of you."

"You're talking about spying, right?" she asked bitterly. "Not actually seeing me but just sneaking in here or gazing at me from some mountaintop or something, right?"

Edward looked very much like he was going to cry. "I just need some space, Bella."

"What about what _I_ need?" she asked, her voice high with panic.

"I don't think that's fair," he answered softly. "We're not together anymore, Bella… you can't just expect me to hang around, waiting for you."

Bella's heart sank; he was right, but there was something else that bothered her, too: it was exactly what she would have done, if the situation had been reversed. She would have tortured herself waiting for him, for that one chance that he might reconsider. But how pathetic was that? How could she blame him for wanting to avoid that same fate?

Still, she couldn't help her tears falling, couldn't help choking out, "Don't leave me. Please. I don't know how I would survive that."

"Bella," he whispered, raising a hand and reaching for her face to brush away her tears. But before he did, his fingertips paused in mid-air, almost at her cheek, and he started to slowly lower his hand again as if regretting his actions. Bella quickly moved closer to him, laying her cheek against his palm and closing her eyes. His hand was cold, but his touch was so familiar and comforting, so safe. She couldn't imagine going through life without him there. She wanted this chance with Jacob, but she'd never dreamed that she would have to completely remove Edward from her life to do that. She knew it was terribly selfish, but she didn't want to have to choose; she didn't want to give either of them up. They were both too important.

"Edward," she said softly, and then fell silent because saying his name and knowing he would hear it was enough to comfort her. He pulled her into his arms, cradling her against his chest like a child as she sobbed.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this, Bella," he whispered against her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Then don't," she pleaded. "Don't make it like this. Don't leave." She felt his body tense and he started to pull away from her, but she clung to him, not wanting to let him go in case this was the last time, in case he fled from her room and they never saw one another again. What was life without Edward? How could she even recognize herself without him standing next to her?

He was much stronger than her, so when he insisted on pulling away she couldn't really stop him. Her body felt freezing and abandoned as he gently removed her from his arms. She could see in his eyes that he felt he'd drawn this out long enough, that he had reached the end of what he could endure and he had to leave her now. She had missed that look the last time, but this time she recognized it immediately and, as though somehow separate from her, like a visceral reaction triggered by the most deeply primal part of her brain, her body acted to prevent him from abandoning her.

At first Edward resisted her lips, as he always did, but she held his face captive with her hands and deepened the kiss, pressing past his lips to slip her tongue into his mouth. She tucked her body as close to his as she could, knowing that her scent would overpower him, forcing him to use all his effort to control his impulse to kill her. She didn't care what happened, only that he didn't go; she felt desperate to change his mind, to make him reconsider and stay here with her forever.

She waited for that moment that would snap his control, knowing that one of two things would happen: either he would use every ounce of strength he had to throw her away from him, barely clinging to his own sanity, or else he would give in. As she wrapped her arms around his waist and drank him in, she felt that moment present itself. She tensed, expecting the worst, her fingernails digging into his shoulders in the hopes that she might cling to him like a cat, but to her surprise the precaution wasn't necessary. He didn't throw her off, or speed out of her grasp, or leap from the window. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and hoisted her into his arms, and before she knew they were moving, her back was being pressed into the mattress by the weight of his body and he was kissing her with a fervor to match her own.

Bella was afraid to speak, in case it snapped him out of this moment and he regained his senses, which could only end with him fleeing from her and possibly Forks, forever. A pit of guilt was rapidly rising in her stomach, but she tried her best to ignore it.

_Let me have this,_ she prayed to someone- God maybe, or the universe in general, or maybe to the Great Mother that Abi's people up north believed in. _If this is the only time we ever have, let me have it and let nothing else matter._

Thoughts of Jacob fled from her mind, and Edward too seemed to banish his usual inhibitions and hang-ups about whether he might hurt her and the idea that they should be married. Instead, with a flick of his wrist he tore her pajamas from her body, and encouraged her with a low rumble from the back of his throat as her fingers went to work stripping off his own clothes.

She barely registered everything that was happening. His scent and his presence overpowered her senses and made her feel almost like she was in a dream, like this couldn't possibly be real, but it was. Tiny fears fluttered up for a moment here and there, which was bound to happen considering how often he'd warned her about the dangers of having sex with a vampire. But she didn't care; he was with her, and if she died then she would die for him, and she had already concluded long ago that a death like that was worthy.

His skin was like ice as it pressed against hers, finally nothing between them but air, and soon not even that. Edward kissed her neck, the curve of her jaw, as her arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling at him urgently, not wanting to think or even breathe, wanting nothing more than this solid physical act which would anchor them together through anything. She knew he had to be as needy and insane as she was right now, since he had always insisted so vehemently that doing this before she was changed was out of the question: a death sentence.

Bella gasped as she suddenly felt him inside her. It was so much different than Jacob; where Jacob was warm and still soft even at his hardest, Edward was like freezing stone, and yet as different as it was she welcomed it. She felt him grunt softly as he moved within her, knowing that his sounds were caused as much by pleasure as they were by the incredible restraint he must have been using to keep from crushing or biting her. She held on to him, moaning encouragement into his ear, as his movements became more and more insistent.

Suddenly, the flash of Jacob's smile appeared in her mind, unbidden, accompanied by a deep stab of guilt. For a moment she lost track of where she was, and she almost could have sworn that it was Jacob on top of her instead of Edward. Then reality came crashing in again and she looked up at Edward. She could tell he was close to finishing, and she felt her first real pang of fear. Hadn't she already decided to accept the consequences of her decision- all of them? She knew this act was her selfish spirit manifested in all its ugliness, yet she didn't care. For her, this was an act of self-preservation, of survival; she took these risks in order to avoid what she'd felt all those long months that he'd been gone, knowing that his leaving, too, was a death sentence.

But Jacob. He loved her, with no strings. He wouldn't have threatened to leave her, wouldn't have decided to abandon her in order to make himself feel better. What was she doing? How could she betray him like this, after everything they'd been through? What if this act kept Edward with her, but drove Jacob away? How could she live with that alternative?

Bella's eyes snapped open as the sudden realization of the mistake she was making crashed down on her. In a reflex, her arms came up against Edward's shoulders and pushed, but it was like pushing against a brick wall. "Wait," she gasped.

Edward pressed his lips onto hers, cradling her close to his chest as he gasped, moving faster inside her. "Bella," he moaned, his golden eyes clouded with passion as he looked down at her, deepening the kiss.

"Edward, wait," she said again, reaching down and pushing against his hips, trying to separate their bodies. She saw the haze of his passion lift momentarily from his eyes, but he didn't stop. She felt a swell of fear rising in her heart. "No," she insisted. "Stop!"

"I can't," he gasped, pulling her closer, moving even faster despite her efforts to push him away. But he had lost control; he couldn't stop once they were this far down the road, and she couldn't blame him. How often had he warned her about this, after all? She fell silent, wrapping her arms around him, and within seconds she felt Edward starting to shudder on top of her, letting out small gasps as he pressed kisses to her neck, his movements slowly settling down as he clutched her tightly.

Suddenly, something felt very wrong; the ball of guilt and fear in her stomach seemed to explode in a blinding flash of pain, and belatedly she realized that she could no longer hear. Then the edges of her vision started to blur and blacken. She was aware of Edward smiling down at her, saying something to which she couldn't respond, and then his face changed as he became confused, then terrified. She could read her own name on his lips, but it seemed her brain was filling with blood, and all sound was drowned out.

Bella felt herself passing into unconsciousness as a sensation of falling backward into water, and not only could she no longer breathe, but the idea of ever trying was too exhausting even to imagine. She didn't have the energy to do anything but give up, to surrender to the pull of death, understanding that she had chosen this willingly, and nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Dear readers, please don't hate me, I really am going somewhere with this. PS- reviews bring faster updates! ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

Bella's eyes fluttered open, then shut again almost immediately against the flickering of big fluorescent lights. She let out a groan of protest before squinting into the bright room, trying to figure out where she was and what was going on. What was the last thing she remembered? What happened? Where was Edward? Her eyes focused suddenly on a wall about six inches from her face, where healthy brown-skinned babies and children grinned out of cheery posters about childhood vaccinations and optimal nutrition.

"Bella," a voice came from nearby, and she turned her head, feeling a dull ache that pulled at the corners of her eyelids as she did so. She felt somehow separate from her body, as if it was just a dead weight she was carrying below her neck. Everything felt heavy and fuzzy, as though her consciousness was floating somewhere far above her. Was this what turning into a vampire was like? She'd been told it involved days of agony, yet she felt strangely numb.

Then the owner of the voice came into view above her. The deep frown of concern didn't sit right on his young face, which was normally almost always smiling cheerily. His dark brown eyes looked at her in concern as he leaned over her, and belatedly she recognized this particular arrangement of mouth, nose, eyes, and face as Seth Clearwater, the last person she would have expected to see.

She tried to open her mouth and ask what was going on, but the words came out no stronger than a hiss of air, so Seth heard nothing. He said something too, but all she could make out was the tone of his voice, urgent and gentle at the same time. A pounding sound in her head seemed to drown out everything else, yet it didn't hurt. She blinked a few times, trying to focus, straining to hear what he was saying, but his lips had stopped moving and he was frowning at her, the concern growing in his eyes.

Again, he opened his mouth and spoke, and this time she made out a few words, "… you okay? … hear me?"

She couldn't seem to coordinate a response fast enough, so she missed her chance and he turned and walked away from her. She thought he was leaving, but he only walked to door. The edges of her vision were clouded, distorting the details of the room, but this time she could make out what he was saying, probably because he was yelling it, "Mom! She's awake!" Seth returned to her and took her hand, giving it a squeeze; his touch didn't burn her, nor did he seem to hate her or want to rip her in two. What was going on? This was so different from what Edward had led her to expect.

Bella closed her eyes, and felt a moment of fear as the darkness paired with her disconnection of her body left her feeling like she was floating in space, alone and unattached to anything. Was this what death was like? Was she dying after all? But no. If she concentrated very hard, she could feel her own pulse at her throat, the pumping of her blood in her heart.

_I'm not dead and I'm not a vampire._ Her first two assumptions were blown out of the water and so she laid there for a long moment, opening her eyes again to stare up at Seth, completely at a loss to understand what had happened to her.

Before she could ask him any questions, Jacob and Sue Clearwater came into the room, displacing Seth at her bedside, who slipped out quietly, casting a quick nervous glance in Jacob's direction before he did so.

"Jacob?" she managed, finally finding her voice. She caught the tightening of his jaw immediately, classic Jacob body language for stress and anxiety. His nerves infected her and she heard her voice shake as she asked, "What is it? What's going on?" She pushed with the palms of her hands, hearing more than feeling the familiar crinkle of paper on an examining table. She was in a hospital or a clinic, that was certain, but why?

Jacob's hands pressed, gently but firmly, on her shoulders. He stroked the backs of his fingers along her cheek, trying to soothe her, but she felt only fear, as well as horrible guilt. Did he know what she'd done? Did he hate her now? Was he just being sweet because she was sick? What was wrong with her?

She turned her attention to Sue. Because Charlie and Harry had been friends, Bella was fairly comfortable with her, but she didn't like the look on her face now- a mixture of discomfort and pity, the expression sat heavily on the woman's pretty face. Bella knew that part of the strain on her face had to be due to the fact that she'd lost her husband so recently, but most of it was definitely for Bella alone. The look that Sue exchanged with Jacob only made her more fearful.

"She just woke up," Jacob explained. "I haven't told her anything yet."

"What's going on?" Bella directed her questions to Sue. "What am I doing here? What happened?" She was now fairly certain of where she was- the health clinic on the reservation, where Sue worked most days, aside from the odd shift she took at the hospital in Forks. But what she was doing there or how she'd arrived, she had no idea.

The look Sue gave her was so tender that Bella felt for a moment as though it was her own mother looking at her. But not quite- Bella still felt scared, and as Sue took Jacob's place at her side and took her hand, she felt the fear rising, threatening to cut off her oxygen. "Honey," Sue said gently, her voice heavy with apology and sadness. "This is going be a shock, but I'm just going to tell you." She paused for the briefest of moments, long enough to let Bella catch her breath and prepare, but not long enough to cause panic- years of nursing the sick, injured, frightened, and helpless had given her the gift of knowing the difference. "Bella," she said. "You're pregnant."

"I'm- _what?"_ Bella croaked out. Part of her was relieved that it wasn't more serious, but most of her was terrified.

"Tell he the rest," Jacob said from beside her head, his voice sounding flat. Bella's eyes flickered to him for a moment, then back to Sue.

"Based on my examination, you're well into your third trimester, Bella. You're about thirty weeks."

Bella looked quickly at Jacob, waiting for him to point out the absurdity of that statement, but his jaw only clenched tighter. Then, she wondered with horror whether he thought their night together, the one he'd believed had been the first time for them both, had been a lie, that she'd actually been with someone else before him. But how could he think that? None of this made sense. Unable to meet Sue's eyes, her face flaming, she mumbled, "Um… I only lost my virginity three months ago."

"I know," the woman replied gently, surprising her. "Jacob told me."

Bella looked at Jacob. "But…" She trailed off as his expression remained the same, pinched and stressed, almost unreadable. "I don't understand," she admitted.

Sue sat on the edge of the bed and Bella felt the warmth of the woman's body against her hip, but strangely she still felt little else. Sue reached over and smoothed the hair from Bella's face, a clearly motherly gesture, and then she reached her hand back and gave Bella a meaningful look. She felt nothing, so she looked.

Under Sue's hand was something Bella didn't immediately recognize: a strange mound where her stomach should have been, pressing so hard against her shirt that it distorted the logo on its front. Then, as though her senses were belatedly waking up, she suddenly felt _everything-_ not just Sue's hand on her stomach, but also a terrible pain that seemed to start at her neck and radiate all the way down to her toes. She felt awful, like her body was sluggish and bloated, but at the same time she felt gaunt and terribly sick.

She also felt hungry, but that word was so pale in comparison to the feeling itself- not even starving would do. It wasn't her stomach that was craving the food, it was her whole body, as though ever cell and every piece of tissue was famished and wasted away, craving sustenance. It was a horrible feeling.

Everything felt wrong, so wrong that she barely knew which part of her body felt worst, or most alien. It was as though her brain had been transplanted into some other person's body, someone on a much different life path, and she was stuck there, feeling everything this stranger felt. The metaphor of being hit by a truck did not even come close to describing how horrific she felt. She imagined this must be what it felt like to be terribly ill with cancer or something, and yet she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was alive. Not a vampire, and not becoming one either.

Then, suddenly, there was a tiny movement under Sue's hand. Like the flutter of a fish against the bottom of your feet, or the wind lifting the hair at the back of your neck, it was almost too subtle to feel, and yet it was there. Bella stared down at herself, her lips parting in awe at what she had felt, almost holding her breath waiting for it to happen again, not quite sure if it had been real. She felt tears welling in her eyes at the incredible feeling. But then it did happen again- only this time, the kick or jab was much stronger, and a sharp pain accompanied the movement, so overwhelming that it momentarily took Bella's breath away. The tears in her eyes doubled from that pain.

Sue rubbed her belly gently. "Hey there," she said softly. "Let's not give your mother a harder time than she needs right now." She drew her hand back, giving Bella a soft smile.

Again, the same stab of pain, but this time Bella _saw_ the movement too, the outline of an elbow or maybe a knee rising grotesquely outward under her shirt, a bizarre ripple that looked as unnatural as something out of a science fiction movie. Bella bolted upright and backward, almost falling off the table in her haste, as though she could leave her belly behind her. Jacob caught her shoulders with an arm and steadied her as Sue stood again, catching her hand. The feeling of the woman's soft skin and warm fingers squeezing around hers seemed foreign, and Jacob's arm seemed like a terrible weight looming over her instead of the protective embrace it was meant to be.

She found herself unable to catch her breath, and her heart seemed to be working harder than it should have just to fuel that one movement she'd made. Nausea slammed into her like a physical force and it took everything she had to swallow it down again. Her mouth felt suddenly wet and she felt an iron taste on our tongue, belatedly recognizing the nosebleed only when she touched her fingers to her face and they came away bright red.

"Bella," Sue said, her voice calm as she reached for a box of tissues and pulled a few out, pressing them into Bella's hand. Bella held them against her nose, her head swimming suddenly with dizziness.

"Listen to me," Sue was saying, as though shouting down a very long tunnel, not right next to Bella's ear as she knew she was. "You need to sit down. Your body is in shock and if you move too quickly, you're going to pass out." Bella's hand faltered as though exhausted from the exertion of holding the tissues upright, and Sue deftly took over, pressing hard on the bridge of Bella's nose until the bleeding stopped.

Overwhelmed and terrified, Bella's face crumpled and the blood soon washed away with a torrent of tears, ruining her shirt even more than her swollen abdomen already had. Sue sat down on the table, pulling Bella into her arms, not worried about the blood in the slightest, and she ran a hand through her hair soothingly, making quiet sounds to help Bella calm down.

Bella's eyes drifted to where Jacob stood nearby, stiffly watching them, his face a mystery. She met his eyes, and in them she could read so many things. He was scared, angry, confused, and so achingly hurt, but she didn't know how much of those emotions were because of her, how much because of what was happening, and how much for other reasons. As comforting as Sue's presence was, Bella wished she and Jacob could have a moment alone together. Only she wondered if he would even talk to her.

After a long moment, when Bella was calmer, Sue let her go, but she stayed sitting on the table with her. "We're not sure how this is possible," Sue told her. "Tell us everything that happened between you and the vampire." Rumour had it that when Harry Clearwater died and Sue took his place on the tribal council, she'd found out everything and she'd taken it all remarkably well. It seemed to be true, as the word 'vampire' crossed her lips without even a hesitation. But Bella still didn't understand why she was asking her that question, what exactly Edward had to do with any of this, or how this could be happening to her.

"Bella, you've got to tell us," Jacob said, the first thing he'd said to her since she'd woken up. "What did he do to you?"

But she wasn't sure herself. Her memory failed her- she remembered parts of what had happened… the sex, mostly. Suddenly feeling awful, Edward's fear, and then blacking out. She wracked her brain for any other information, and felt an odd sense that more had happened, that she hadn't completely passed out. She had a distinct picture of Edward's face looming over her, yelling, and she could hear her own voice screaming in pain. But where had that come from? When was that, and why couldn't she remember everything if she'd been awake? Had it been a dream? What had happened to her?

Sue and Jacob were both waiting expectantly, but she had no answers for them… not really. Bella felt the most overwhelming sense of agony, not just physically but emotionally, and she was terrified. It was too much. She had to figure this out. She needed air. Shaking her head, which in itself was painful, she pulled away from Sue's grip on her hand and made a beeline for the door. She didn't know where she was running to, but she just had to get out.

As soon as she started moving she felt the edges of her vision blurring and she was aware that they had both followed her and were speaking to her, but their words sounded muddled and far away. Her legs felt like lead, and they wobbled, buckling under a new weight they weren't prepared for. For a moment she felt like she couldn't catch her breath, and then she suddenly leaned as she heaved, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the floor. Vaguely she was aware of someone's hands holding her hair back, and that was the last impression she had before she fell into the depths of unconsciousness and fainted into Jacob's arms.

This time when she woke up, she was at home. She didn't know who had moved her or how much time had passed, but for a long, blissful minute she was sure everything that had happened had been at terrible dream. Then she felt it again, the frightening and painful jabs of knees and elbows just under her skin, and the agony of a body that had changed much more radically than nature should have ever allowed. She put her hands on her belly, pressing them there as though she could will the thing inside to stop and leave her alone, as though she could deny its existence even as it proclaimed its presence to her as blatantly as it could. Yet part of her was fascinated by its zest for life, its determined little presence, even if was hurting her, even if it was sucking her body dry. Her hands were terribly thin, and as she touched her face her cheeks seemed almost sunken, much less full than she remembered.

To ignore what was happening in her body, she turned her head toward the door and saw her father slumped in a chair next to it. Outside, it was dark; she wondered how long it had been since she was in the clinic, and since she was with Edward. For a long time she did nothing, said nothing, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as she could, that happy place before reality had to be acknowledged and addressed. Right now, she was as she should be but never could be again- unchanged. Unaffected. Free.

Finally she forced herself to say, "Charlie."

He bolted awake as though she'd shouted, though she'd said his name almost as a whisper. He was next to her bed in an instant, onto his knees with his brown eyes fixed on her, his forehead knitted together in concern. He looked about as bad as she felt, which made her feel a bit better; there was a time and a place for the people who loved her to be strong, but sometimes it was good to know that someone else was as scared as she was.

"Hey, Bells," he said gently, pressing his fingertips to her forehead for a moment before pulling them back and resting his hand on her forearm. "How are you feeling?"

She had to consider her answer for a long moment; never had such a question been so loaded. She opened her mouth to answer him, but instead of words a sob snuck out and then she couldn't stop, she was crying and shaking. Charlie gathered her into his arms and held her tightly until her tears had transitioned into soft, hiccupping gasps, until she had nothing left to cry, but she didn't feel any better.

Finally she choked out, "How?"

She both heard and felt the long breath of air that spread out of his chest and into the air between them. "Jacob and I had a big talk earlier while you were sleeping," he said. "He told me some things I couldn't believe."

Her heart froze, then released almost immediately. "Couldn't, or don't?" she asked quietly.

"Well, Bells, I'm looking at my daughter, who I saw yesterday, who's now almost ready to deliver my first grandchild, whose boyfriend is telling me about werewolves and vampires… I guess I have to believe it, don't I?"

She was both relieved and terrified at his answer. "Dad… I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

He held up a hand. "Let's just skip all that, Bells," he said gently. "I wish you had, you felt you couldn't, and I can't really blame you. So we're good."

"Thanks," she whispered. It was a classic Charlie response, and it soothed her to know that some things hadn't changed, at least.

"So listen," he said, getting up from his knees and opting to sit on the edge of her bed instead. "Jake's asleep downstairs on the couch. I've called in sick to work. Let's just take it easy today, I'll make a big breakfast in the morning, and we'll figure all this out together. How's that sound?"

"What time is it?"

"Just about 3:00am," he answered, a yawn escaping even as he said it.

"Go to sleep," she said immediately. "I'll be fine."

"Bells," he answered. "I can stay right here." He gestured absently at the chair, which looked like it would be about as comfortable as sleeping on a rock, so she shook her head. He eyed her suspiciously. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she said. "Absolutely. It's fine. I'm tired."

He hung around for another minute, but finally decided to trust her, and nodded. "Alright," he said. "Well you know where I am, if you need me."

"Sure," she said. "Of course."

"Goodnight, Bells," he said gently before closing her door behind him. She said nothing, did nothing, while she listened to him breathing as he stood just outside her door for a long moment before she tracked his footsteps into his bedroom and the squeak of his mattress as he collapsed onto the bed. Finally, only after enough time had passed that she could be sure he was asleep, she swung her legs over the side of her bed and stood up.

Lancing pain swept through her body so suddenly that she had to gasp to catch her breath, and she stood double as her chest heaved with the effort. Even the light shirt she wore seemed heavy on her chest, as though her lungs couldn't function at the same capacity as they once had. Taking slow, shallow breaths, she managed to get to a place where she no longer felt like she was suffocating, and she staggered to the wall by her door, grasping for the light switch. Again she had to stand for several moments in the newly brightened room, struggling not only for breath but also for balance as her body seemed unable to cooperate with her movements, swinging her wildly one way or another with each step she took.

Finally, taking three times as long as it should have, she stood in front of her mirror, feeling like she'd run a marathon. Both arms were wrapped around her stomach, supporting the massive weight that had grown there almost literally overnight. It seemed as though she was staring into a photo, like her head had been pasted onto someone else's body, someone with a much different life. The huge mass she held in her arms seemed not to be a part of her body at all, and she had to force herself to pull her shirt up and look at it.

Angry, dark red lines crisscrossed her belly like a deep wounds, and the gentle dip of her bellybutton had been replaced with a hard knob. Her stomach was distended, sticking outward in a protrusion that looked very much like she had swallowed a good-sized watermelon. Her back had buckled under the pressure and had a distinctive curve. As she stared at her abdomen, which she knew was hers but which still seemed somehow unreal, another sudden movement sent a ripple of peaks and dips across the surface of her stomach. Bella shoved her shirt back down and backed away from the mirror, as though what she was experiencing could be escaped if only she couldn't see it.

Her back collided with someone who was standing close to her, and a pair of icy hands closed over her shoulders, catching her as she staggered and keeping her on her feet. "Bella," Edward's smooth voice sounded in her ear, choked with anguish. "I'm so sorry."

Her tears started immediately and she whirled, tucking herself into his arms, which wrapped around her and held her close for a moment before suddenly releasing her. He took her by the hand and helped her to the end of her bed, easing her into a sitting position. Her whole body ached, but now it seemed concentrated low in her body, almost in the bones themselves, as though the ligaments and structure that held her legs to her torso had become sluggish and inadequate to manage even a few steps.

The tears were still slipping down her cheeks in gentle waves. "I can't believe this is happening," she whispered, not wanting to wake Charlie. "Edward…" She said nothing more than that, his name alone soothing to her.

He sat down next to her, giving her more space than was usual, she noticed. She looked at him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm so sorry, Bella."

She realized how hard it must have been for him to see her like this, so pregnant, as inexplicable as that situation was, and she reached for his hand, threading her fingers through his and squeezing tightly. With her other hand she wiped the tears from her face. "Edward…"

When she said nothing further, he finally looked at her, the hesitation obvious in his golden eyes. He raised a hand, his fingertips tentatively sweeping over the curve of her cheekbone. That light touch wasn't enough comfort, and Bella threw herself into his arms, feeling his immediate reaction as his body went ramrod straight and he started to pull away from her, but she insisted, holding him tighter to her body. She cried softly into his chest, clinging tighter as he tried to extract himself from her grip.

"Bella," he said, gently but with insistence. "Jacob is awake. He'll be up here in a second."

"I don't care," she bit out, and even as she said it she knew how childish she sounded. Edward reached back and grasped her wrists in his hands, forcing her arms apart so he could push her away, just as her bedroom door opened. Jacob stood in the doorway, his eyes narrowed on Edward and his lip already curling up in an angry sneer.

"How dare you come here!" he snapped, as loudly as he could with Charlie sleeping just down the hall. He stepped forward and stabbed his index finger into Edward's chest. "If you don't get out of here right now, I will kill you. I will rip you limb from limb. Don't you _ever_ come near her again."

"Jacob!" Bella gasped at the venom in his words. But Edward stood up, and with a quick flick of his eyes in her direction, he was gone. Bella felt her body deflate as she watched the fluttering of her curtains, the only sign he'd ever been there. Then she turned her attention back to Jacob, his fists clenched at his side, his whole body trembling as he obviously tried very hard not to shift into wolf form. She stayed silent, not wanting to break his concentration, but it seemed like a lifetime before he let out a shuddering breath and sat down heavily on her bed.

He didn't look at her as he said softly, his voice full of pain, "How could you let him come here?"

"I didn't," she protested. "He just showed up."

"You know what I mean," he said flatly. "How could you let him stay?"

She opened her mouth to defend herself again, but as though physically cutting off her voice, her guilt rose up, threatening to choke her. He knew; she could see it all over him. "Jake," she managed. "I'm so sorry."

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as though willing himself not to be affected by her pain, but he seemed to lose that battle as he finally turned to her and gingerly put his arms around her. "Bella," he whispered. His voice sounded terrible, like it belonged to a broken man.

"I don't understand what's happening," she managed between sobs.

"What happened between you and Edward?" Jacob whispered. She could tell from his tone that he was asking a question to which he already had the answer, and he wanted nothing more than to be wrong. Bella met his eyes with great difficulty and saw the naked anguish there; she had hurt him so many times, but this went beyond all of it. She had made a conscious choice to betray him, and somehow there had been real consequences, far worse than anything she could have ever imagined.

"Jacob," she said softly, but her voice broke on his name and she fell silent, unable to continue.

"Did he rape you?" he asked in that same quiet voice.

"No."

He gritted his teeth and forced out, "Did you sleep with him?" Her silence was answer enough, but he didn't leave like she expected him to. He stayed right where he was, though his arms dropped from around her. "Bella, I can't believe you could do that to me. Even after everything… I never thought…" He trailed off, shaking his head, and she watched as a single tear made its way down his soft brown cheek. That one tear broke her heart, and all her planned explanations of her fear at being left alone again revealed themselves as exactly what they were: ugly excuses for her own weakness.

"Jacob, please," she whispered, though she knew she had no right. "Please tell me what's happening."

"I don't know," he admitted, his voice bitter. "Sue thinks you're more than seven months pregnant."

"But that's impossible," she pointed out redundantly.

"I know," he answered. "Edward _did_ something to you." His eyes flickered to her belly, then away, and she realized it was almost as hard for him to look at as it was for her.

She started to defend him, and the words 'he didn't mean to' were on the tip of her tongue, but she bit them back, knowing just how Jacob would react. And how could she blame him? What other explanation was there but that Edward was responsible? So instead she tried to make a constructive suggestion. "Maybe Carlisle has an idea."

Jacob let out a small, humourless laugh. "You're not going anywhere near any of those ticks. How do you know you won't speed forward to the end of your pregnancy and give birth in their living room, Bella?"

She hated being told whom she could and could not see, but she held her tongue. "Then you go," she said. "Or send Sam."

"My dad is contacting Abi," Jacob said. At her surprised look he continued, "They've been around for a long time, Bella, and they've interacted with vampires in the past. They might have seen something like this before."

"Carlisle's been around for a long time too," she insisted.

"I'm sure Edward's already asked him," he answered bitterly. "No one's tried contacting us with any information."

"Well maybe that's why Edward came here, but you scared him off so fast I guess we won't know, will we?" she snapped.

Jacob turned a dark glare on her. "Are you seriously defending him to me?" he bit out. "After all of this? After what he _did_ to you?"

Bella cringed, realizing again how wrong she was. "I don't know what he did," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Her fear seemed to deflate some of his anger, but it still crackled under the surface of his eyes. "I can't even stand to look at you," he whispered, glancing away from her. Her heart sank and she reached for the blanket, putting it over her belly so she would seem less disgusting to him. Jacob's lips curled into something akin to a sneer. "It's not that. It's you. What you did."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes dropping to the floor.

"Are you sorry?" he challenged. "I mean, really? I gave up everything for you, Bella. What have I ever asked you to give up?"

"I know," she said. "I know that."

"And now…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "God, I don't even know what to think now. This is all so fast."

"Yeah," she agreed softly, tears building in her eyes, but she struggled not to let them fall, worried they would only anger him. "You're telling me."

Jacob turned to her and reached out tentatively towards her hand. It took a long time for him to actually touch her, but she just sat there quietly, letting him have that time. Finally, his fingertips lightly brushed her skin. "Bella," he whispered. "I never thought you could… would… hurt me like this."

She raised her eyes to meet his. "I've made a terrible mistake."

He inhaled, and then let the breath out slowly. "Don't think I can just forgive this," he said.

"I know."

"But I can't walk away either, can I?" he whispered, but the way he asked the question it didn't seem like he really wanted her to answer. His eyes trailed to her stomach. "I never thought in a million years I'd be a teenage father. How stereotypical of me." A soft smile touched her lips but it faded as Jacob stood and paced to the window. "Sam will talk to the Cullens," he said. "In the morning you should pack a bag and move in temporarily with Emily. The Rez is the safest place for you right now."

"I'm not afraid of them," she said softly.

Jacob turned back to face her and stood there for a moment, just staring at her. Then he closed the distance between them in two steps and seized her around her upper arm, wrenching her onto her feet. Firmly he placed his other hand on her belly and was rewarded with a firm kick that surprised them both, pain lancing through Bella's body in response, momentarily stealing her breath as she panted through it.

He was staring at her body, how changed it was, and she could see the darkness in his eyes as he struggled to come to terms with what this all meant. Slowly, his dark brown eyes met hers, and she almost drowned in the hesitation in that gaze. "This is my child, isn't it, Bella?" he asked, his voice breaking a little in pain.

The words cut deep, but she knew she had no right to expect his trust. Then, belatedly, she realized what he was really asking- the thought hadn't even occurred to her. Did he think Edward could be the father? Vampires were dead, so they couldn't get anyone pregnant, right? She looked back at Jacob, and noticed that behind the uncertainly and sadness in his eyes was a deep horror that terrified her. She couldn't speak, and he seemed to realize that she wasn't going to answer him.

But what were werewolf babies like? She'd been led to believe they were just normal people, until they transformed. And none of the pack had made the shift until… Bella suddenly shuddered. Until the Cullens had come back to Forks and their proximity had set the first ones off. James and the others had taken care of the rest. But they were all past puberty by that point. Wasn't that a requirement? She realized how little she, or anyone, knew of the logistics of shapeshifting.

"Please," he whispered. "I know this is a lot to take, but please let me protect this child." Slowly he raised his dark brown eyes to hers, and they were so full of pain that it physically hurt her. "And if this isn't my baby… then let me protect _you,_ Bella. Just please let me do that."

She couldn't argue with him; even now, he had her best interests at heart, and maybe he still loved her regardless of how badly she'd hurt him. With a small nod, she agreed to his terms. She thought he was going to climbed into bed with her, and she wanted him desperately to do that, but instead he just nodded, turning and walking from the room and leaving her alone. Bella sank into her blankets, exhausted, even though she knew Jacob wouldn't sleep a wink.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** Hi again to everyone that's left... I had up to chapter 9 finished before I posted chapter 6, and I was trying to decide whether to rewrite or change things, but even people who hate where I'm going the most said I shouldn't change it. So I haven't... I'm posting it intact the way I originally wrote it, and though I'm much less confident now about whether people will like where the story is going, I sincerely hope you do. Anyway, here it is... hope you enjoy!

* * *

When Bella awoke, she could hear two distinct voices downstairs- one Jacob's, one Charlie's. She could only imagine what they were talking about, and she felt a pang of guilt about her father, and wished she had been the one to tell him all the secrets she'd been keeping since she'd met Edward. As usual, he had taken the news in stride, but she knew part of him must have been hurt that she hadn't felt she could trust him to believe her.

Gingerly, she put a hand on her huge belly, still surprised as her fingertips touched her skin much sooner than they normally would have. Everything ached; most women had the better part of a year to stretch into the form Bella had now, but this had happened to her overnight- or at least, within a few days. She still didn't know how much time had passed between when she and Edward had been together and when she'd awoken, huge and terrified, on Sue's examining table in La Push. Now she wondered how she had ended up there at all. Why hadn't Edward taken her to Carlisle instead? How had Sue gotten involved? And who had actually taken her over the border that the Cullens could not pass?

Bella laid quietly, willing herself to remember anything, something.

She remembered her feelings as Edward told her he was leaving, and she remembered with disgust how she had clung to him, wished he wouldn't go, felt terrified and abandoned. Why had she been so scared? The time she'd spent in Abi's community had changed her, changed her outlook on Edward, on Jacob… yet in the bitter end she had acted as the girl Edward had left behind to depression and despair. Where had her love for Jacob been then? Why had she let her fear overwhelm her? Why was she so weak?

She felt wretched and disgusting, an idiot, a victim to the spell Jacob had always accused Edward of casting over her. She tried not to think about Edward's body over hers, tried not to think of the sudden panic as she realized the mistake she was making, too late to stop anything, too late to make a difference. And now this.

Bella touched her belly absently with her fingertips. What was this mystery growing beneath her skin? Who was this person? And how could it be here, now, in this form, so developed in such a short time? How was that possible?

What did it all mean?

She closed her eyes and tried to remember details that were lost in a sea of fear and pain. Without realizing she was doing it, she had opened her mouth and was speaking softly under her breath, like a stream of consciousness, trying to pry the memories free. "I was in my room. Edward was there. He was going to leave and I got scared. I did something horrible. There was so much pain. I started passing out. He was screaming my name but I couldn't move. Jacob was there."

She froze, her eyes snapping open. Jacob was there? When? She squeezed her eyes shut again, willing herself to see what was hiding just below the surface of her mind.

_Bella remembered the fear in her voice as she'd cried out, "Edward, wait. No. Stop!"_

"_I can't," he'd gasped, and she had resigned herself to her fate; wondering what would happen, would she die here and now with Jacob hating her forever for what she'd done? She deserved all of it, deserved death._

"_Bella, what's wrong?" he'd asked her, his voice panicked. "Did I hurt you? Are you alright?"_

_She hadn't heard him then, but she could hear him now. She'd been conscious after all, but her body had somehow cut her off from this terrible pain she was now feeling, sharp enough even in her memory to take her breath away. Now it replayed in all its intensity._

_She observed what was happening as if from far away, floating on the ceiling, watching her own body below, and Edward's._

_She heard her own voice screaming as though disembodied, howling in pain. She could feel her body expanding, compressing, exploding- she didn't know which but she felt like she was dying, like she would be in agony for all eternity. She would have welcomed death to rid her of this feeling._

"_I didn't bite you," Edward kept saying, his voice rising in panic as her screams of agony intensified. "I didn't bite you."_

_And then Jacob was there. But it felt like time had passed… in her agony, time seemed meaningless, stretching forever. It could have been a second or a year for all she knew, but then Jacob was with her and Edward… Edward was gone. She didn't care about any of it. She wanted death to take her, to pull her away from this life that was full of so much pain._

_Jacob gathered her up in his arms and he was speaking to her but she couldn't hear, she couldn't see anymore, everything was nothing and it was all fading away. But his presence was an anchor- warm and comforting. From high above the scene, Bella watched herself go limp, out for good now, but held on to life by the warm arms and steady presence of Jacob Black._

The sound of footsteps on the stairs interrupted her thoughts, and she recognized the steps as Charlie's and not Jacob's. She hated the idea of facing Jacob again, and she was not looking forward to the ride to Emily's. He seemed to be putting her infidelity aside for now in favour of more important priorities, such as getting her safe, but she knew it was going to turn into a fight sometime. He was angry, and rightly so. Beyond angry, she realized. Betrayed, hurt, appalled, and deeply wounded… the English language didn't seem to have a word strong enough to define what he must have been feeling right now. There was no way she could blame him, but still, she dreaded it.

There was a quick tap on her door so she said "Come in" as she started to sit up, negotiating her much larger mass into place with some difficulty. Charlie saw her struggling and quickly slid an arm around her back, helping her up and then putting some pillows behind her back so she could sit comfortably.

"Thanks," she said, a bit embarrassed.

"No problem," he answered gruffly, sitting down on the bed next to her. "I used to do the same thing for your mom when you were causing her grief."

"Have you called her?" Bella asked, panic suddenly gripping her chest. She hadn't given one thought to her mother, and hated the idea of her finding out something like this when she was ten thousand miles away and unable to do anything. Her mind flickered to the tickets to Florida that Edward had bought her, still sitting in the drawer of her nightstand. The date was open; she could go. Today if she wanted. Jacob could come. Maybe in Florida, things would look… different. For both of them.

Charlie shook his head. "No, I haven't," he said. "That's not news your mom should hear over the phone."

She was relieved. "I could go," she said hesitantly. "I have a ticket."

There was an obvious cringe to her father's words as he said, "Uh… now honey, I don't think you should be flying in your… um… condition. Planes aren't really into that when you're having a regular pregnancy, let alone…" He trailed off, shrugging. "I think Jake's idea of having you with Emily is real good."

"You do?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, well, Jake explained to me about the part where the Cullens can't cross into the reservation." He sighed. "Listen, Bells," he said gently. "I know you care about Edward… but he's not good for you. I've stood by long enough watching him hurt you. And now, finding out that he's a vampire, I can't say that makes me like him any more."

Jacob obviously hadn't told him the whole story, but still, she felt the shame rising in her chest as he spoke. "Dad-."

"No, hang on," he said. "Let me get this out. I know fathers are never supposed to like guys their daughters date- though I like Jake. So you've gotta take anything I say about this kid with a grain of salt. But honey… as far as anyone knows, Edward did this to you. He might not have intended it- but that means he doesn't understand what happened either. And I think you'd agree that the first thing he'd want is to protect you from that happening any further. Staying on the reservation seems like the easiest way to do that. And Emily's house will be good for you- you two are friends, aren't you? Besides, you might want another female around for all the…" He waved his hand towards her belly. "You know, for all this… this girl stuff." He cleared his throat. "Just until we figure everything out."

Bella tried to argue with some part of what he'd said, but she couldn't. Finally she sighed and said, "Fine. I'll go."

"Thanks, Bells," he said with obvious relief. "I'm not ready to go totally grey just yet." He stood and headed for the door, then turned back with an extremely uncomfortable expression on his face. "Oh, and be careful over there, okay? I think it's your safest bet but now that I know how Emily really got those scars on her face, just steer clear of those boys if they get angry, okay?"

She smiled. "Promise. If Sam stubs his toe, I'll be sure to run for cover."

He chuckled softly and then nodded. They both heard Jacob's footsteps on the stairs, and Charlie smiled at her. "Well, I'm off to work. I'll call you at Emily's tonight and make sure you're alright." He kissed the top of her head gently before leaving, nodding at Jacob as they traded places in the doorway.

Jacob picked up her backpack and set it on the end of her bed. Then he went to the closet and started grabbing clothes at random, not even looking at her.

Bella watched him for a long moment before she dared to speak. "How long are you packing me up for?" she asked, trying to make her voice light.

"Just a couple of days," he answered shortly. "Until we have a plan. Then you can either come home or get more stuff."

"I'm not going to fit into any of those clothes anyway," she said softly.

Jacob hesitated as he folded the last of her shirts into the bag. "Right," he said. "I hadn't thought of that." He glanced at her belly, then back into the bag. "I'll ask Sue… I know there are a couple of girls on the Rez who've had babies in the last six months or so… maybe she can organize some hand-me-downs."

"Thanks," she said, getting to her feet with some difficulty. She reached for his hand but he pulled away.

"Don't."

"Jake. I thought-"

"What?" he cut her off, looking at her for the first time since coming into the room. "You thought what? That we were better?"

"What you said last night…" she trailed off.

"I said I wanted to protect my child," he answered shortly. "And you. I don't want you to die, Bella. I've been fighting against that for God knows how long and I'll be damned if I stop now. But us? I don't know about us… or if there even is an us anymore. I just have to get you to Emily's where you'll be safe, then I can let myself actually think about this."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Jacob ignored her words and the pain on her face, or didn't notice it. "For now, Charlie called the school and said you're sick," he said. "We'll stick with that until we figure this out. We have to make sure that as little people know as possible."

"Have you heard from Sam?" she asked, his words reminding her that Jacob had promised Carlisle would be questioned.

"He's due back this afternoon," he said, shaking his head. "I told him you're going to be staying with Emily. He'll come by there as soon as he can."

"What about Abi?" she asked, already dreading the idea. Just three short months ago, Bella had worked so hard to win Jacob away from Abi, and now the girl had received a message telling her that because of Bella's betrayal, her help was needed. The shame was overwhelming.

"My dad called me this morning to say that she's on her way," he answered, not sounding completely thrilled about the idea himself.

"Just her?" Bella asked incredulously.

"No," Jacob answered. "I don't think she goes anywhere alone, actually." He zipped her bag up and handed it to her. "I'll get your toothbrush," he said, disappearing from her room for a moment before returning and sliding the brush into her backpack. Then he gave her his hands, pulling her to her feet, and helped her dress in a pair of sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt that was still a bit too small. She felt fat and ugly, not to mention terrible about the steely cold, mechanical way he helped her, like she was a task to get done and nothing more. The way he was ignoring the problem was worse than if they were fighting... fighting meant the possibility of a make-up. This just left her feeling hopeless.

They walked down to her truck and Jacob helped her into the passenger seat before going around to the driver's side, slipping the key into the ignition and revving the engine before pulling out into the road.

The first half of the drive passed in silence and eventually Jacob turned the radio on, if only to make that silence less uncomfortable. Bella laid her face against the cool glass of her window, pretending to admire the scenery as the pine trees whipped by the side of the car. She had almost dozed off when she heard Jacob's sharp intake of breath. A moment later, the radio suddenly clicked off, and Bella turned toward Jacob to see his jaw set tightly as his eyed flickered back and forth between the road and the rearview mirror.

She looked back and saw a silver car gaining on them rapidly, which was surprising since they were on La Push Road, which led only to the Rez and wasn't frequented by very many drivers. Only when the car got a little closer did she recognize that it was Edward's, and her heart skipped a beat.

"What the hell does he think he's doing?" Jacob growled, pushing his foot down on the gas to try to increase the distance between them.

In the rear-view mirror, Bella saw Edward waving to them, obviously trying to get them to pull over.

"There's no way I'm stopping so don't even think about it," he snapped, even though she hadn't said a word, and even as Edward's car kept gaining on them. Bella knew that Edward could drive at speeds that humans or even werewolves wouldn't be comfortable at, so trying to outrun him was pointless, even if her truck had been capable of it. But she held her tongue, letting Jacob discover that for himself.

Finally, Edward caught up with the truck, passed it, and then slammed on his brakes abruptly a little ways up from them, the car coming to a stop horizontally across the road, blocking it completely. Jacob was forced to stop, but Bella could tell that he was seething. For a moment she wondered what would happen if he shifted while in the driver's seat, but she knew she didn't really want to find out the answer to that question.

"Bella," Jacob said, his voice surprisingly calm. "Stay in this car."

"Jake-"

"_Bella,"_ he said again, his voice so powerful she was a little taken aback. "Please. Just stay here. We have no idea what could happen if you go near him."

"Then I won't," she said softly. "I'll stay behind you the whole time. I need to hear."

It looked like it took every ounce of his control not to argue further, but he only closed his eyes briefly, opened them again, and said, "Fine." He slammed his door hard as he exited the truck, and Edward was already walking towards them. Bella got herself out of the truck with some difficulty and no help from Jacob, following him as quickly as she could, considering her new waddle and the extra pounds she was carrying.

"Jacob, I'm sorry I had to do that," Edward said, holding up his hands palms out as Jacob strode towards him, his fists clenched at his side.

One of Jacob's fists shot out without warning and connected with Edward's face. Bella could hear a loud cracking which she assumed to be the bones in Jacob's hand shattering, but when Edward's face came back around he had a small, jagged crack in his cheek. Jacob flexed his hand, realigning the bones so they wouldn't heal crooked. He had a smirk on his face as he said, "That was so worth it."

"Jacob-" Edward started, the fissure already sealing over, but his words were cut off as Jacob grabbed a fistful of his hair and pushed down, forcing him to his knees. He pressed his other hand over where the crack had been, holding it there so long the space between his palm and Edward's cheek started to sizzle, twisting Edward's face in pain.

Bella couldn't stand it anymore. "Stop it," she cried. "Jacob, please."

Slowly, Jacob pulled back, but he pointed a finger in Edward's face, showing that there would be retribution if Edward was to stand again. "You didn't _have_ to run us off the road," he snapped. "You _chose_ to do this. What's the matter with you, huh? We are less than a mile from the Rez. You're pushing it so fucking hard right now. Do you _want_ me to kill you?"

"No," he said, holding up his hands. "And I know where we are… that's why I had to catch up with you quickly." His eyes moved to Bella, then back to Jacob's angry face. "I had to talk to you before you went somewhere I couldn't follow."

"Don't even look at her," Jacob growled. "You might hurt her again."

Bella saw the pain flash through Edward's eyes, but he said nothing.

"Alright, you wanted to talk," Jacob snapped. "So talk."

"I wanted to tell Bella how sorry I am," Edward said. "I didn't get a chance to before and-"

"Great, I'm sure she accepts," Jacob interrupted. "Anything else?"

Edward ignored him pointedly. "Bella, I want you to know that Carlisle is doing everything he can to-"

"Sam will be filling us in on that later," Jacob said, cutting him off again.

Bella touched Jacob's arm lightly. "The faster you let Edward to finish the faster we can go, right?" she reasoned softly. Jacob's eyes flickered towards her momentarily to acknowledge that he'd heard her, but he didn't answer. His jaw was so tense she was afraid it might snap.

Edward went on, "You'll never know how truly sorry I am for hurting you, Bella. But there's something you need to know." His eyes locked with Jacob's for a moment as he added, "Though it might be difficult to hear."

"Just spit it out, leech," Jacob ground out.

"It's possible for a vampire and a human to have a child."

"What?" Jacob's voice was strangled. Bella's heart caught in her throat, but she said nothing, waiting.

"Sparing you the details," Edward said, "it is possible for a male vampire to father the child of a female human. It's happened before… but it is rare. The pregnancies are accelerated. The mothers' bodies usually can't handle it, and most of the time they die." He turned his eyes to Bella and she could see that they were full of fear. "Bella, we have to get rid of that thing before it kills you."

"What?" Now it was Bella's turn to be appalled. She wrapped her arms protectively around her belly, following an instinct she didn't even realize she had. At first she had been horrified of the changes that her body had gone through, but she was slowly coming to terms with it. And killing her baby? How could Edward suggest that?

"Bella, get back in the car," Jacob said sharply.

"Please, Bella," Edward implored her, getting to his feet as Jacob's attention became divided. But he still held his hands out in a motion of calm. "This baby is going to kill you."

"It's not your baby," Jacob hissed. "Bella and I slept together in Canada. She had the flu after we got back… at least she thought it was the flu. She was already pregnant when _you_ made this happen to her."

Edward looked taken aback, and also a little hurt. Bella wondered if he'd thought that she had still been a virgin up to the night before. "Are you sure about that?" he asked flatly. "Are you absolutely sure this is your child?"

"You are so far out of line right now," Jacob snapped, taking a step towards Edward, his dark eyes narrowed tightly in anger.

"I'm telling you, this is how it happens. This kind of pregnancy lasts a few weeks. Maybe a month. This is exactly how it happens… and if we don't do something, this baby is going to kill her."

"How do you know that?" Bella whispered.

"There are stories about children like this, and what they're capable of." Looking at Jacob once again he added, "What if you're wrong? What if this _is_ my child? We have to stop this from happening to her. You can always have another baby. I won't do a thing to stop you, I promise. I just want her safe."

"Don't you think that's what I want too?" Jacob bit out. He looked at Bella, then back to Edward. "_We_ will talk about this. Bella, me, and the pack. You're not needed. Now move your car out of our way or I'll move it for you."

"Please," Edward whispered, his golden eyes locked on Bella again. "Please don't go through with this."

Jacob took her arm and led her back to the truck, and Edward made no move to follow them. Slowly, he went to his car and got behind the wheel, backing up enough to let them drive by. She looked out the window as they passed him, and saw the naked terror in his eyes as she crossed over the invisible line that would separate them until she passed over it again. She looked at Jacob and recognized with a jolt that he was crying; his face was contorted and tears were sliding down his cheeks.

She was used to his strength, not this anguish, and yet she felt powerless to comfort him because she was responsible for how he was feeling, and she feared his rejection more than anything. But, tentatively, she forced herself to move across the bench seat and tuck herself into his side; to her surprise, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her as close as he could, holding her tightly. She wrapped an arm around his waist and closed her eyes, focusing on the steady _thump, thump, thump_ of his heart and hoping against hope that Edward was wrong.

Sam was sitting on the front step of Emily's house when Jacob coasted the truck to a stop in the driveway. Bella watched as Emily emerged from the house and trailed her hand through his hair; he tipped his chin up and smiled at her, and in that smile Bella saw how powerful his love for her was. Imprinting was a fascinating thing to observe, yet frightening for her to imagine when it came to Jacob. She didn't like to think about how easily he could suddenly lose all interest in her and fall head-over-heels for some girl he might have only just met. And where would that leave her? Bitter and resentful like Leah? That was definitely not what she wanted.

But maybe for Jacob, it would be kinder. To forget her, move on with someone else, someone who would delight in his attention and be with him forever. She wanted him to be happy, yet all around her were the shambles of the misery she'd caused.

Next to her, Jacob inhaled deeply and then exhaled again in a long, shaky breath. He wiped the tears from his face and looked into her eyes. His were so brown they were almost black; they were deep and soft- tortured. She had to blink back her own tears as she found his hand and squeezed it lightly.

Jacob started to squeeze back, and then abruptly dropped her hand. She watched his eyes shut her out like a physical wall dropping. "Emily's house might as well be Fort Knox," he said. "So you're safe." He was relieved, but why? Because he was afraid for her, or because now he could leave her without any guilt? "Come on," he said, getting out of the truck.

She noticed that he seemed almost comforted by the idea of talking to Sam, and she realized how much Jacob depended on Sam to take charge. She knew that Jacob had the birthright to be leading the pack, but he'd refused that responsibility and left Sam as the leader. Sometimes Bella thought that Sam resented Jacob for that, and sometimes she thought he was happy to be the one that the rest of the pack went to for guidance and support. It was a complicated relationship to say the least.

Bella got out of the car too, and Sam immediately grew serious as he saw them, and he stood up, stepping off the porch and walking out to meet them. Emily trailed quickly behind him and stopped in front of Bella, surprising her by putting her hand on her belly, her eyes huge.

"Oh my God, Bella," she gasped, giving Bella's stomach a light squeeze as though she couldn't quite accept what she was seeing. "Sam told me, but… I can't believe it."

"Yeah," Bella said quietly. "Me neither."

"Well, congratulations!" Emily added quickly, beaming and throwing her arms around Bella. She squeezed her back awkwardly, used to Emily's hugs but not used to having this giant lump coming between their bodies. As Emily released her, she rubbed her hand over Bella's back and gave her a sympathetic look. "I can't imagine how you're feeling," she said gently.

"Bella," Sam's booming voice spoke up, drawing her attention away from Emily for the moment. His eyes weren't angry, but they weren't particularly kind either. "If you need to lay down, feel free to go upstairs and rest."

It was tempting, and part of her wanted to flee his judgment, but she wanted to be in on this conversation, considering the fact that it was all about her. "No," she said. "I'm okay."

Sam nodded and gestured for them to follow him indoors. As she often did, Emily defaulted to the kitchen, stirring a large pot of something on the stove and then checking something in the oven before pulling a large bowl out of the cupboard and starting to gather ingredients for what looked to be some kind of dessert. Bella was sure it would be mouthwatering, but for now her attention was on Sam, who led them into the living room where he sat down with Jacob on the small sofa.

Bella eyed the armchair across from them and waddled over to it, gripping the arms of it and preparing to collapse backward into it. To her amusement, Sam leapt to his feet and started towards her to help, but she was down before he reached her, and sheepishly he returned to his place. But his face had already turned serious even before he'd sat down again. He looked from Bella to Jacob, considering his words for a moment.

Finally he said, "I spoke with the Cullens."

This was followed by a pause so long that Jacob finally said impatiently, "And?"

Sam let out a long breath, and Bella braced herself for what was coming next. He said, "They seem to think that this baby is Edward's."

"I know," Jacob said quietly. "Cullen confronted us on the way over here and told us as much."

"What else did he tell you?" Sam asked tensely. He flicked his eyes in Bella's direction, but she straightened her back and made herself seem calm and ready for anything, even hearing all of this again. She could tell that Emily was pretending not to listen.

"I know he thinks the baby has to die," Jacob answered. His voice was flat, detached almost, and Bella didn't know how to read his tone at all. It scared her.

Sam nodded. "Yeah," he said heavily. "Carlisle related some stories about similar children… it sounds like legends mostly- hearsay. But we can't be sure." His eyes slid to Bella again as he added apologetically, "We have to consider the seriousness of what they're saying."

Jacob's body stiffened. "What do you mean by that?"

"The fact that Bella's body has gone from no obvious pregnancy to nearly ready to give birth in such a short time indicates that this might be Cullen's baby. If it is a half-vampire baby, then that puts her life in danger."

On some level Bella realized he was discussing her fate, but she somehow felt disconnected from what he was saying, as though it was some other Bella, some other pregnancy, some other life. Not her.

"But what if there's another explanation?" Jacob asked through gritted teeth, his jaw tensing. "What if it's _my_ baby?"

"I know," Sam answered, his voice surprisingly gentle. "But what if it's not? We have to plan for the worst case scenario, not the best."

"I won't kill my own child," Jacob answered vehemently, the first sign of real emotion since his breakdown in the car. The passion in his words cut through the foggy feeling that seemed to cling to Bella's mind and she blinked several times.

"You're not touching it," she said, her voice sounding a bit hollower than she'd intended. Both young men turned to look at her; in the kitchen, Emily froze and gave up any pretenses of not listening. They all waited, so she said again, "You're not touching it. No one's killing this baby."

"Bella," Sam said quietly. "I know it's a horrible idea to consider, but-"

"No," she cut him off. "We're not considering it. It's my choice. I don't care what you think."

"But Bella, it could hurt you," he protested. "It could _kill_ you."

"I decided a long time ago that dying for someone you love was a good way to go," she said softly. "And you said it yourself- they're just stories. Maybe it won't do anything to me… even if it is Edward's."

Jacob had remained silent since she'd started talking, but now he said bitterly, "Is that what you're hoping? That it's his?"

She closed her eyes briefly. "No, Jake… of course not." And she meant it.

"Do you love it?" Sam asked her bluntly.

Bella was so startled by the question that she just answered it without thinking, "No." She watched Sam and Jacob exchange a look and added quickly, "But I could." She spread her palms lightly over her belly and she pushed inward with them; a moment later she was rewarded with a sharp kick for her efforts. It hurt, but it was also strangely beautiful. Something- someone- was in there. Her someone... hers and Jacob's, she hoped. She'd heard what Jacob had said earlier- what if her flu _had_ been morning sickness? What if all of Edward's fears were unfounded? She imagined a brown-eyed, chubby-cheeked, black-haired baby floating inside her, with Jacob's impish grin. How could they think of killing that? Something so beautiful?

Sam and Jacob both jumped a little as the baby moved again, its little elbow or knee pressing through her shirt, but she just gazed down at her belly and whispered softly, "It's so alive."

"We could get a paternity test," Jacob said, after a short silence had passed between them. Emily went back to her work in the kitchen.

"We could," Sam agreed, obviously choosing his words carefully. "But if it is your baby, Jake, then that begs the question of why this acceleration happened at all." Bella could see that Sam believed the baby was Edward's. She tried to imagine what she believed, but she couldn't. She knew what she wanted- for all of this to go back to the way it had been the day before. But as to who was the father… she couldn't even think about that right now. She could barely even accept that this was happening, let alone consider the details. It was true she didn't love this stranger nestled under her ribcage… but that didn't mean she could make the leap that Sam was making, that she believed she should kill it to save herself from the possibility of death. That seemed so wrong somehow.

"Maybe Abi will know," Jacob spoke up, his voice hopeful.

"Maybe," Sam agreed, his own voice neutral. "We'll hold off on any decision-making until she's arrived. Bella, it's really important that you stay on the reservation until we figure this out… we have no idea what's happening and we don't want to risk this pregnancy accelerating any more than it has."

Bella nodded. "I know," she said.

Emily took that as her cue to pipe up cheerfully, "Sam has patrol tonight, so you and me will have a slumber party. It'll be great."

Bella managed a small smile at the older girl. "Yeah," she said, not really able to put any enthusiasm into her voice. "Sure, that sounds fun."

"Great," Emily answered, and Bella caught a glance that went from her to Sam, prompting Sam to stand up quickly.

"Come on, Jake," he said, giving him a brotherly slap on the back. "I think it'll do you some good to go for a run."

"No safer place to be than with me, Jake," Emily said gently. "You know that." It was true Sam kept her house- and her in general- well guarded, so if there was anywhere that Bella could expect to be reasonably protected, it was here. That's why Jacob had brought her here, after all.

"Just… call me if anything happens," Jacob urged her. "I'll be back later." Bella nodded, wishing for him to touch her or hug her goodbye, but he only nodded and turned to go.

After he'd followed Sam out the door she realized she was gazing wistfully after him when Emily cleared her throat and said playfully, trying to lighten the mood, "You two are going to have such a cute baby."

In lieu of a reply, Bella burst into tears, but instead of growing uncomfortable or being at a loss for what to do as some others might have been, Emily came over and knelt down in front of the chair, gathered Bella into her arms, and held her until her tears stopped. It was exactly what she needed, and for the first time since this nightmare had started, she felt something that bordered on safety and security.

"You're not going to believe me right now," Emily said gently as she threaded her fingers absently through Bella's hair, soothing her with the light touch. "But this too shall pass. Everything does, you know."

"Not fast enough," Bella managed, sniffling lightly.

"No, I know," Emily answered softly, her voice full of sadness and understanding. "Nothing's ever fast enough."


	9. Chapter 9

Emily had largely left Bella alone after Sam and Jacob left, her presence- and her cooking- a comfort, but she mostly did her own thing and let Bella do hers, which she was thankful for. She hadn't realized how hungry she was, so the unending presentation of food and desserts was welcome, as Emily's cooking was topped only by her baking.

"You're eating for two, you know," Emily pointed out as she set a plate of chocolate pecan cookies in front of Bella, who was still finishing off the bannock she'd been given half an hour before.

"Yeah but I don't think I have to do it all in one day," she protested, shaking her head at the cookies, despite the fact that they smelled amazing. Besides, she knew that if she didn't eat them, a troop of hungry boys would be sure to show up and do it for her.

Emily sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. "You're very brave," she said gently.

"I don't feel brave," Bella answered softly. "I feel like the most terrible person alive." She wasn't sure how much Emily knew**, **and it was on the tip of her tongue to pour out the whole story, but she feared the girl's judgment.

For a long moment Emily said nothing. Then she said, softly, "When Sam imprinted on me, his feelings for Leah completely changed. But to this day, he considers cheating on her the worst thing he's ever done."

Bella glanced away. "I didn't know he cheated," she said, when what she really meant was 'I wish you didn't know _I _cheated."

"Yeah," Emily said. "And they'd been together three years. I know you and Jacob have only been together three months… but it still hurts. For both of you."

"But it's my mistake."

Emily spread her hands as though helpless. "You're human," she said gently. "What you did was terrible and wrong. But I don't believe you did it to hurt Jacob."

"No," she whispered. "I did it for me. I did it… to stop him from abandoning me. I did it for the most selfish, messed up reasons that don't even make sense. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could convince Jacob what a horrible mistake I made, how much I want to turn back time and tell Edward to just leave if that's what he wants… and have it be okay because I know that Jake will be there for me when no one else is."

"Love doesn't always conquer all, Bella," Emily said softly. "But sometimes, if you work hard at it, it can."

Tears slipped down Bella's cheeks and she put her hand on her stomach. "I'm so scared. This baby… I want it to be Jake's so bad. Not only because it might kill me if it's not… I don't care about that. I…" She stroked her belly lightly. "I think I'm falling in love with it. It's so little… so alive… so innocent. But I'm terrified of what's going to happen. I don't know what to do."

"I know," Emily answered. "You'd have to be a sociopath not to be. But you still stood up to Sam… it sounds to me like you have a good idea of what you want to do."

"Killing it… it feels so wrong," Bella said. "I don't… it's not that I'm pro-life or something, but this isn't the same. As crazy as it is, this baby is nearly here. It's not like… a fetus or something. I mean, like a bundle of cells… it's a little baby. And it's going to be here in no time." She felt a sudden panic rising in her chest as she realized the truth of those words. Where was she going to be in a month? Two? This whole thing felt completely insane, like a bad nightmare.

"I had an abortion," Emily offered.

"Really?" Bella was surprised. "When? Was Sam okay with that?" Somehow she just couldn't imagine him being comfortable with Emily aborting their child, despite his views on this one.

Emily smiled. "I had a life before Sam, you know," she pointed out. "I was fifteen. _Way_ too young for a baby."

"Jacob is sixteen," Bella pointed out glumly.

Emily cringed a little. "Okay… poor choice of words. But Jacob acts like he's thirty, Bella… at fifteen I had the emotional depth of a twelve-year-old. When I _did_ briefly consider having it, it was only because I was thinking about all the cute little outfits I could dress it in. I can already tell you're more serious about it than that."

Bella shook her head slowly. "I just want to figure out what's happening to me," she said. "I don't want to make any decisions about anything until we know what's going on."

"You're a smart cookie," Emily said, and grinned as she reached for the plate. "Now have a cookie. Doctor's orders."

"I'm pretty sure you're not a doctor," Bella answered with a smirk, but she took a cookie anyway. As usual, it was delicious.

As soon as she was finished Emily said, "And now I'm ordering you to take a nap."

"It's like noon," Bella protested.

"You have to rest for two, too, Bella," she said gently. "Even if you don't sleep, I want you to lay down for an hour, and if I see you downstairs a moment before you'll be in big trouble, missy."

Bella giggled and allowed Emily to help her from her seat, take her upstairs to the loft, and fuss over the blankets and pillows in her bed before tucking Bella in and drawing all the curtains. Light still filtered through, but it was muted and made the room dim and cozy. Bella actually thought she might sleep, though she hadn't felt tired until she lay down. As she yawned, Emily gave her a knowing look and left the room, and even before her footsteps faded away on the wooden stairs, Bella's eyes had fluttered closed.

_She was back up north, in Abi's community. She stood in the forest, clad only in a doeskin skirt and bikini top, the same outfit she'd worn when she and Jacob had spent their first night together. The woods were deathly quiet- no birds, insects, or other animals broke the silence. The earth beneath her feet was soft and cool, and her belly was flat again. It was almost pleasant, if not for the nagging feeling that something was very wrong. The forest was too quiet, the light cast strange patterns on the ground, and the entire experience was ominous and foreboding._

_Suddenly, where Bella stood was bathed in light as the sun emerged between two boughs of a huge oak tree. At the same moment that Bella turned her face up toward its warm light, pain sliced through her, cutting her down to her knees. She gasped for breath, feeling her body rippling, her muscles bunching and twisting, as though they were trying to tear themselves from her body. She opened her mouth to let out what should have been an ear-piercing scream, yet no sound came out._

_Lying on the ground in agony, her eyes caught movement through the forest and she realized she wasn't alone after all. She tried and failed to stand, then dragged herself through the dirt towards that movement, not knowing who it might be but hoping for help. Her body continued to convulse and seize, and then she was huge again, her belly dragging along in the dirt as she heaved her suddenly heavy body towards the tree line._

_As soon as she was close, she recognized the back of Jacob's head through the trees, as well as the way he held his body as he stood there. She opened her mouth to call for him, but he couldn't hear her. No sound came out no matter how hard she tried, and she couldn't reach him. She had no more energy left to get her to him, and nothing she did- not throwing dirt in his direction, not pounding her hands on the trunks of the nearby trees, got his attention. He stood less than three feet from her, stock-still and oblivious to her presence._

_Suddenly, when she was almost beyond hoping, Edward's face appeared in front of hers. For a moment she was elated as she realized he could see her, but still she couldn't find her voice to tell him she needed help. He seemed to sense that something was wrong, and he pulled her into his arms, searching her eyes for answers to what she couldn't say._

_ For a moment she felt safe in Edward's arms, but then she was wracked by waves of pain, more excruciating than before. Somehow, with horror, she realized he was causing the pain- he was hurting her just by being there, just by touching her and being near her._

_ "Hush, Bella," he whispered into her hair, puling her closer even as that caused more pain. "I'll keep you safe." He was oblivious to the agony she was feeling. She tried to squirm out of his embrace but he held her close, locking his arms tightly around her. She tried to scream, tried to get away, tried to tell him he was killing her, and in desperation she clawed at his face, but her nails were useless against the cold stone of his skin. He caught her wrists in his hands and held her tightly, stopping her from trying to escape._

_ Then Jacob turned around, and he immediately caught sight of them. He too was blind to the danger she was in, and with tears choking his voice, he whispered bitterly, "I loved you, but this is beyond betrayal. You've broken us, Bella… you've broken something I never thought could break." Turning his face away from her, he walked away, leaving her with Edward, who continued to sap the life from her even as he thought he was giving her love._

_ Finally, too late, she found her voice. "Jacob!" she screamed. "Jacob, come back!" But he couldn't hear her, already out of earshot._

_ Edward flipped her over and pushed her down into the cold wet mud. She tried to struggle out of his grip, but it was impossible. He put his hand on her stomach; inside, she felt her baby kick, felt the life there, the helplessness. His golden eyes narrowed and he pushed harder, bringing such pain that she thought she would pass out or die, but she didn't. His hand put so much pressure on her stomach that the flesh split open, and soon he was buried, wrist-deep, inside her. She felt disgusting, dirty, guilty, and there was so much blood… so much pain._

_ "Bella," he said. "This is for your own good."_

_ "No!" she screamed, writhing, trying desperately to escape this monster, this killer, this force of darkness. She screamed again, "Stop it! No! Don't do this!" But he ignored her. With an effortless flick of his wrist, he tore something from her that she could never get back._

Her eyes snapped open, her breath coming in frightened gasps. Judging by the light in the room, she'd been asleep for some time- maybe a couple of hours. Downstairs, she could hear the murmur of voices, Emily's and a deeper one- not as deep as Sam's, but obviously male. Maybe Jacob. Her heart was pounding. She put her hands on her belly as if to make sure it was still there, still intact. Her baby moved under her fingertips, rolling around in its watery world, nudging her as if to say, _Hello_. A small smile spread over her face as she gazed down at the mystery below her heart.

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you," she whispered, in awe of the life inside her, its will to live evident even now.

With some difficulty, she managed to sit up and then stand, wrapping an arm under her belly as she did so to support the unfamiliar weight. She glanced in Emily's mirror and grabbed the older girl's comb off the dresser, running it quickly through her hair to make herself look somewhat decent. She still looked terrible as far as she was concerned, but there wasn't much she could do about that. It was bad enough that her clothes didn't fit, and she could feel that the skin at the bottom of her belly was completely bare, which meant that her new stretch marks were on full display. Knowing Emily wouldn't mind, she grabbed a robe off the back of the door and wrapped it around herself before heading downstairs, taking comfort in its fluffy softness.

Bella crept to the ladder-style staircase and descended a few steps, walking slowly to avoid overexerting her already aching muscles. As she got closer to the middle of the stairs, she started to make out what the voices were saying.

"Hand me that spoon- no, the wooden one," Emily said, and Bella heard the sounds of a lid coming off a pot and something being stirred. She had to pause there for breath, so she sat down on the step to take a break, and she could just see into the combined kitchen/living room area down below. Emily stood at the stove, still stirring whatever delicious meal she was making, while one of the boys- not Jacob, maybe Jared or Embry- was sitting on her counter, his back to Bella.

"Come on, give me just a little taste?" he begged, and now that he'd spoken Bella recognized that it was definitely Jared.

Emily turned around to face him, holding the spoon in her hand and giving him a gentle jab on his bare chest with the blunt end of the handle. "No way, mister," she said. "This is an Emily original and it's not to be sampled by anyone but me until I serve it. Got it?" She smirked at him.

"But I'm hungry," he complained good-naturedly, and Bella could hear the smile in his voice. He reached out a hand to snatch the spoon from Emily, but she dodged it, holding it just out of reach before transferring it behind her back to the other hand. Again he made a grab for it and Emily twisted, giggling, using her hip to block him as she held the spoon high on the other side of her body. Jared reached for it from both sides but couldn't quite get a good angle.

"Come on, I'm _hungry!"_ he protested, laughing. "Are you going to let me starve? Don't you love me anymore, Emily?"

"Not if you keep being so irritating!" she proclaimed, finally tossing the spoon into the sink, whirling on him and flatting her hand against his stomach to push him back into the counter. "Don't forget I have brothers- I can totally take you."

He laughed, swatting her hand away and making a lunge toward the sink, which she moved to block, but he'd only been faking and quickly jumped to the stove, his hand poised to plunge his fingertips into the concoction.

Emily shrieked in mock outrage and again went to swat his hand away, but he dodged at the last second and her hand hit the boiling hot liquid in the pot instead. She drew her hand back quickly, hissing in pain.

"Are you okay?" Jared asked instantly, all sense of play dropped from his voice. "Let me see."

"I'm fine," she answered calmly. "Turn on the cold water, will you?" He hurried to do what she asked and she put the hand under the water, wincing as the cool liquid hit the burn.

"Let me see," he said again, gingerly touching her wrist and leaning over the sink to get a better look. Bella started to rise to continue down the steps and make sure Emily was alright, glad the attention wouldn't be on her for once, but she paused as she saw Emily turn her head toward Jared, bringing their faces only inches apart.

"I'm really sorry," he said softly. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," she answered, her voice equally gentle.

Bella watched, her breath held, as Jared brought his free hand up and swept it through Emily's hair, tucking it behind the girl's ear slowly. She gave him a little smile, and then suddenly Jared leaned toward her like he was going to kiss her.

Emily made a complete 180° turn with surprising grace, extracting herself from the sink and the situation, coming to stand right behind him. She put her hands on his shoulders, giving them a squeeze. "Jared," she said, and his name seemed to be enough to break the spell.

He turned to face her, his eyes full of apology, his face flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry, Em. Forgot myself for a second there."

She ruffled his hair a little, putting him at ease once more. "Not a problem," she answered, retrieving her spoon and going back to the stove. Bella waited another couple of minutes before clearing her throat and descending the staircase noisily.

"Hey there sleeping beauty," Emily said with a warm smile. "Did we wake you?" Bella couldn't help but notice that Jared bee-lined it to the living room as soon as she reached the bottom step, as if to pretend he'd been there all along.

"No," she answered, turning to smile a greeting at Jared, but his eyes were locked on her belly.

"Holy crap," he exclaimed. "You're huge!"

"Hey!" Emily called sharply, throwing the spoon at his head.

"Ouch." He rubbed the spot where it hit, giving Bella a sheepish smile. "Sorry," he added. "It just surprised me."

"Don't worry," she said. "It surprises me too, every time I notice."

"So, everybody's coming over," Emily spoke up, changing the subject. "They should be here shortly."

"Everyone?" Bella repeated.

"Those Canadian wolves arrived earlier," Jared explained. "They're all on their way over." His voice suddenly took on the tone of a boxing announcer as he added, "Collision of two different packs! Unprecedented in history, Bella. What will happen? You'll just have to wait and see."

"Yes, it's all very exciting," Emily said warmly, seeing Bella's obvious discomfort and giving Jared a pointed look to back off.

Bella was in the bathroom when everyone else arrived, and she hesitated on the staircase, watching as she had earlier before making herself known. It was strange to see not only the entire wolf pack in Emily's living room, but also the visitors Bella had been dreading. Jared, Quil, and Embry squeezed themselves onto the larger of Emily's two couches, while Paul and Jacob occupied the loveseat, much to Bella's disappointment. Emily and Leah had taken seats across from one another at the small dining room table, with Seth in the middle, and Sam immediately started pulling out extra chairs out from under the stairs for the new arrivals. The food remained on the stove, turned down to simmer and held for later.

Bella watched as the visitors each took a seat- first Mitsis, the one who could see the future, an impish smile on her face for Sam as he scooted the chair under her as she sat; next to her was Abi, a very un-queenly queen in most situations. Only when both women were comfortable did the two men accompanying them accept their seats from Sam- first Veyo, the younger of the two warriors, who Bella eyed with caution she'd learned from their last encounter, when she'd basically been convinced that he hated her. Last to sit was Chay, who dwarfed all the other men in the room both in musculature and stature. She could see her friends shifting in their own chairs uncomfortably as they sized themselves up to this massive man on his own chair, which looked almost comically small under him.

Unlike the Quileute wolves, the two men from the north kept their thick dark hair much longer, Chay's reaching his shoulders while Veyo's fell to halfway down his back. All four of them were dressed in their own style of dress, animal skins decorated with beading and tassels, and the women's hair adorned with feathers and beads.

But Bella couldn't take her eyes off Abi. She was beautiful, and because she had nearly married Jacob, Bella couldn't help but hold herself up to her. Especially now, she felt completely inadequate as she did so. It wasn't really true that Abi was completely un-queenly; she was approachable and surprisingly down-to-earth, yet even sitting on a simple folding chair she had a presence, and appeared regal compared to everyone else in the room.

Mitsis, too, had a presence, but it was of a completely different kind, and Bella still felt wary about her because of her ability to see the future, and the way she tended to speak in riddles. She imagined Mitsis was just dying to get everyone to kneel down in front of her so she could feel their faces and find out all about them, as she had made Bella do when they'd first met. While Bella was somewhat used to the idea of fortunetelling because of Alice, Mitsis used her talents very differently, and was not so quick to offer advice- at least, not in a way that was ever easy to follow.

Once they were all seated, Sam set up the last chair and leaned against the kitchen counter near where Emily sat, and quickly Bella stood up from the stairs and made her footsteps heard as she descended. All eyes turned to her as she stepped into the room, and she instinctively pulled her robe tighter around her just in case, feeling incredibly self-conscious. But there was no way she could hide the huge bulge just below the sash. She saw that the visitors all eyed it curiously, while most of the boys tried to avoid it with their eyes- Emily was giving her a supportive, yet sympathetic look, and Leah looked like she was trying to avoid noticing Bella in any way. Jacob gave Bella a momentary smile of greeting, but his eyes betrayed the complicated feelings that were obviously swirling through him.

It didn't surprise Bella that Abi was the one who spoke first, standing as she did so. "Bella," she said warmly, her voice high with youth that did not reflect reality- in truth she was over two hundred years old. But she was a small girl, and appeared quite young- perhaps Jacob's age- and as she walked over a sweet smile spread over her face, her expression open and friendly. She put her hand on Bella's stomach for a moment, and then she took Bella's hand and gave it a squeeze before leading her over to the last vacant chair, helping her to sit. "We were just discussing the unique situation you've found yourself in."

"Everyone just arrived, Bella," Emily said. "You haven't missed much."

"Okay," Bella answered uncomfortably. "Um… hey."

There was a murmur of greetings, but it was clear many of them were as uncomfortable as she was. She could only imagine how strange it must have been for them to be sitting in this room with people who shared common ancestors, yet had lifestyles so different from anything the other group knew.

"Abi, will you fill us in, please?" Sam spoke up, shifting everyone's focus thankfully away from Bella and on to the other girl, who seemed much more comfortable with the attention.

"I hope you won't be offended that I've been fully apprised of your situation, Bella," Abi said before going in, "What's happening here is not completely unheard of to us. It has happened three times since our history began. Always Quileute women. Always Quileute babies."

"That's not very often," Jacob spoke up glumly.

"Yeah, but it's better than nothing," Embry offered. He looked to Abi. "Why just us?" he asked.

"Don't address her," Veyo spoke up, his words not exactly hostile but certainly not friendly. "Unless she speaks to you, you can't-"

Abi held up a hand, silencing him. Gently she said, "That's not necessary, Veyo. You forget we are not on our land, and I am not queen here." She turned to Embry with a gentle smile. "Quileutes have a unique history as you all know," she said. "Our own foremothers split from yours long ago, and since that time have our lines have changed. Though we are passionate for our land we are not tied to it in the same way you feel compelled to protect this peninsula. And though we are wary of vampires because we have experienced the death they can bring on a place, we have no compulsion to kill them. You are also larger, and faster, and warmer than we are- all adaptations that give you a unique defense against your natural predators… vampires."

"You say it like we're just a different branch of a regular species," Leah said. "As if we're normal."

"And so you are," Mitsis spoke up, a light smile playing on her lips as though Leah had said something funny.

"The trigger for what's happened to Bella," Abi went on, drawing everyone's attention back to her, "as you've probably all guessed by now, is close contact with a vampire."

"Define 'close,'" Leah said, her voice dripping with something Bella couldn't quite identify, but it made her cringe.

Sam gave her a sharp look before saying, "We know a vampire is responsible for this. What we don't know is the mechanism of that."

"Unlike us," Abi explained, "The wolf sleeps in your blood. You are only a small tribe, and you shift for a specific purpose. We shift for the joy of it, because it's who we are, but for you the transformation is a defense mechanism. When vampires are near, the numbers in your pack increase. And so there was no pack a generation ago, because there were no vampires. But now there are many. And you are many. Rarely, under extreme circumstances, vampires can cause a similar reaction in an unborn child. A survival instinct, if you will."

"And that would account for the acceleration we're seeing?" Sam asked carefully.

"It may," Abi agreed. "As I said, we have seen it, to one extent or another, three times before that. The children of the Quileute are tied to this land even before they are born. The wolf sleeps in all of you. With enough reason, that potential can be called forth." Her eyes lingered on Leah for a moment. "Even in cases which some would see as unusual."

"Okay," Sam said, taking charge of the discussion. "So that's one possibility. I'm sure we all have follow-up questions about that. But…" He trailed off for a moment and exchanged a complicated look with Emily, seeming uncertain how to word what he wanted to say.

"The vampire believes he's the father," Jacob spoke up for him. His words and the way he said them caused Bella to tense momentarily, and her face burned with shame in the crowded room. She knew that the mental link they shared would mean that all her friends would know exactly what she had done- but actually discussing it all in a big group together was beyond humiliating.

Abi and Mitsis exchanged a look, and then Abi said gently, "I am aware of that possibility. Bella… did you have any knowledge of your pregnancy before you and Edward became intimate?"

Like a breeze passing through a field, everyone shifted uncomfortably at her use of such a term for what had happened. Of course, everyone would be on Jacob's side, and see Bella as a disgusting cheat. She knew they were right, but Abi's choice to use neutral words were a relief.

Bella shook her head. "No… I had no idea. I had the flu."

"Very little time has passed since she was with us," Veyo pointed out. He was pretty much the last person Bella wanted to discuss feminine issues with, but his eyes were surprisingly gentle when they turned on her.

"According to the Cullens- the vampires we have a treaty with- if the child is his, it could be dangerous to her," Sam said. "Do you know if that's true?"

"Those are demon children," Veyo answered. "We once sheltered a woman who'd been raped by a vampire. The creature nearly destroyed her from the inside, and at the end it ate through its mother's belly instead of emerging properly. She died that night."

A tense silence fell over everyone assembled. Bella shuddered, wrapping her arms around her belly, hardly able to believe that possibility.

"But the baby isn't hurting her," Jacob pointed out. "Right, Bella?"

"The kicks… they do hurt sometimes," she admitted hesitantly. "But I think I'm just not used to it. I hurt all over, but that could be because my body went from not pregnant to this pregnant so fast. I don't think… my baby isn't _trying_ to hurt me."

"Of course it isn't," Abi said gently. "The child is innocent. But the fate of your life is real."

"But we can't know for sure," Jacob insisted. "And if it's mine…" He left the comment hanging in the air because he knew that everyone was aware of exactly how he felt about that possibility.

"But if it is Edward's baby," Seth spoke up softly, his young voice full of concern. "It'll kill her?"

"So what about a paternity test?" Quil asked, glancing sidelong at Jacob, trying to turn the discussion back to more hopeful things.

Sam nodded. "I'd say that's top priority at the moment. Otherwise we have no plan." He didn't look very happy to say it.

Leah let out a small, humourless laugh. "And what lab should we send it to? That tick's sample won't exactly be your standard swab."

"We don't need him," Jared spoke up. "We can just test to see if Jacob is the father… if not, then we'll assume it's a vamp and deal with it." He cast an apologetic look Bella's way, realizing the severity of his words. She gave him a tight smile to let him know it was fine, even though she didn't feel that way. Abi's words had stuck in her mind. _The child is innocent. But the fate of your life is real._

And wasn't the fate of her life in her hands? Didn't this baby deserve to live? She loved it now. It was that simple. No one was going to kill her baby, no matter who fathered it. Maybe it was her hope, but Abi's story seemed to give good reason why this baby was Jacob's and not Edward's at all. How could they kill something that was born of love, from one of the nights they'd spent in the cave together up north, and all the magic of those moments? She couldn't imagine doing something so horrible.

Leah's voice called her back to reality. Under her breath she said, "Just because it's not Jacob's doesn't necessarily mean it's that tick's." Bella stared at her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jacob retorted, getting to his feet quickly. All his friends straightened a little, their expressions tensing. The four visitors exchanged glances and Chay, who was incredibly imposing but had remained silent so far, made a move to rise from his seat. But with a single gesture Abi stopped him, and everyone seemed to be holding their breaths.

"Nothing," Leah answered, her voice on edge. She stood up slowly. "I'm just saying-"

"You're just saying _what?"_ Jacob snapped.

"Come on," Seth said, standing quickly and putting a hand out in Jacob's direction. His sweet face pleaded with both of them not to fight.

Instead of answering Jacob, Leah turned her sharp black eyes on Bella. "Every time I shift I have to witness your latest mistreatment of your so-called boyfriend and how much you're hurting him," she snapped. "I have to witness the agony he feels, the terrible pain and suffering, all of this because of _you._ Because you're so self-centered and so arrogant as to think the world revolves around you. That your actions don't have consequences. That you don't hurt people with every step you take. So forgive me if I'm not trusting that you only cheated once."

"Goddammit Leah, shut up!" Jacob yelled, shoving past Quil's quick attempt at restraint and charging over to her. Even from where she was standing, Bella could see the twitching of Jacob's skin that indicated he was close to losing control. Leah took a step back and Seth moved in front of her, his eyes imploring Jacob to stop. Leah put an arm around Seth's chest and hurried him out of the way, stepping up to meet Jacob. "Apologize," he growled at her.

"I'm not apologizing for the truth, you idiot," she growled back. "How can you be defending her right now?"

"I'm not defending her," he said. "I'm telling you to stay out of my business."

"Your business _is_ my business," she said. "I have to listen to you whining all day about how much she-"

"Leah, that's _enough,"_ Sam cut her off, rising to his feet, his voice even deeper than usual, booming through the room in a certain tone that Bella had noticed always halted all arguments. It was this voice that she suspected he'd used all those months ago when he'd ordered Jacob not to tell her his secret.

Leah and Jacob both backed off and everyone else visibly relaxed, though they were still glaring daggers at each other.

"Bella will stay here with Emily and me," Sam said, easing his tone just a little now that he had everyone's undivided attention. He was looking at Bella now. "If your health declines, or there are any other indications that the baby is Edward's, we'll have to consider things you don't want to consider."

A knot formed in her stomach, but she nodded her agreement anyway, even as she silently vowed to the little life inside her that she wouldn't let it be hurt by anyone- not by Edward, not by Sam, not by anyone.

Sam turned to the others. "No more fighting," he said, his eyes lingering on Leah. "I know this is an uncomfortable situation for some of us. But it's not a black and white situation either. We will get a paternity test. Until then, no one fights about this. This is a closed subject."

Leah looked like she wanted to spit at him or worse, but she did nothing, just standing with her fists clenched, not speaking, not moving. Sam seemed upset by her response, as if he'd expected more active resistance and not this passive, angry acceptance, but he let it go. Instead he said, "Let's just all be on our toes. When I'm not here I'm assigning guard duty, just to be safe. We don't know if the Cullens will break the treaty over this, but we can't risk any of them coming near Bella and making everything worse than it already is."

"The treaty may already be broken," Paul spoke up. All the La Push wolves shifted uncomfortably in their seats, but Sam simply nodded.

"What about you?" Bella asked suddenly, and everyone's heads swiveled towards her as though they'd forgotten she was there. But she was looking right at Mitsis. "Can't you just touch my face and see who the father is?" She knew Mitsis' talent was different than Alice's- more powerful, in many ways. Where Alice could see the outcomes of people's intentions, Mitsis could see a person's unbiased future.

"I could…" Mitsis answered with a frown. "Is that what you'd like?"

"I don't want anyone trying to kill my baby," she answered softly. "If it's Jacob's, then it's over. No one has to worry about it hurting me."

The young woman smiled, and then stood. She appeared quite young, perhaps between twenty and twenty-five, but Bella knew that wasn't the case. She didn't know how old Mitsis was, only that she was much older even than Abi. Her presence was something almost indescribable… her skin was the colour of caramel and her hair fell in thick, dark brown waves to the bottom of her waist. She was beautiful, yet almost unapproachable, until she smiled and made everyone feel invited and at home.

Within the serenity of Mitsis' youthful face, her eyes gave the only hint to her true age, or the wisdom her long life had brought her. Bella could only imagine the staggering number of prophetic visions she'd had over the course of that lifetime- including one that Bella knew still haunted Abi to this day. As she looked at the young woman standing in Emily's living room, she remembered when Abi had told her about the prediction Mitsis had delivered to her on the day she inherited she became queen.

"_Five days after my mother died, when our mourning time had finished, I went to Mitsis and knelt in front of her. She put her hands on my face and told me how my queenship would end," she explained. "She said, 'You will rule for a long time, and there will be many who will love you. But in the end you will die alone, and your people will be nothing more than dust and memory.'" She let out a shuddering breath, the words obviously still as raw as when she first heard them eighteen months ago. "And so, I now know the ending to my own story… I can't change it. It will happen. Mitsis is never wrong. We are all witnesses to history, Bella… It is a terrible burden to rule in these times, and truly I am doomed."_

Despite receiving this sobering prophecy, Abi ruled her people in love and joy, and Bella couldn't help but be a bit awed by her perseverance. And as for the woman who had made the prediction, as well as seeing many other futures she must have wished desperately to avoid, Bella couldn't help but carry a deep respect for her as well.

Now, Mitsis stood in front of the eleven assembled werewolves and turned her attention to Bella. She stepped forward, and placing one palm on each of Bella's cheeks, Mitsis stared into her eyes for a very long moment, and Bella knew she was glimpsing her future unfolding before her. Finally, Mitsis released her face and touched her shoulder gently.

When she turned back to rest of the assembled crowd, she looked a little sad. "I'm sorry," she said, addressing Bella once again. "I cannot help you with this."

"Mitsis," Jacob said, his voice sounding strangely pinched. He raised his warm brown eyes to meet hers; Bella felt a pang as she saw how much pleading there was in his expression. "Please… why can't you?"

"There is a time for knowing things and a time for those things to stay unknown," she answered gently. "Though I always see the world as it is, our Great Mother gives breath to my words, and Her breath is silent now."

That was their religion- their society was matriarchal and the goddess they worshipped reflected that. Bella knew they were all very faithful to their leadership and their deity, and their people's devotion to their queen was exceeded only by their devotion to that goddess- the one they called the Great Mother. But Bella felt as frustrated as Jacob looked as they both watched Mitsis take her seat once more. The rest of the pack also looked uncomfortable and somewhat irritated by her response.

"Then we wait for the test," Sam said finally. "Everyone clear out. Bella needs as little stress as possible right now." He turned his eyes on the visitors. "You're welcome to stay here too, of course."

"Yes," Emily spoke up with a smile, seeming relieved for the change of subject. "Very welcome."

"Thank you," Abi answered graciously. "But there are four of us and we don't want to burden your accommodations."

"Leah and Seth have the most room," Quil piped up helpfully, eliciting a death glare from Leah and a smile of excitement from Seth.

"Yeah, you can stay with us," he said, nudging his sister. "Wouldn't that be so cool, to have a queen in our house?"

She forced a smile. "Yeah, really cool," she answered dryly, but Seth didn't seem to notice her lack of enthusiasm.

"We would, of course, appreciate your hospitality," Abi answered, a small smile playing on her lips as she looked at Seth's animated face.

They left with a very unhappy Leah and a very eager Seth, and Sam assigned Quil and Jared to watch the house before heading out with Embry and Paul for evening patrol. Emily declared that there was important work to do with the food left in the kitchen, leaving Bella somewhat alone with Jacob. When he didn't immediately approach her, her heart sank. Tentatively she rose from her chair with some difficulty- though it was getting easier moving around in her strange new body- and went to where he was sitting.

He took almost a full minute to turn his head toward her. "Sam's right," he said, not quite looking at her even still. "You need to be resting."

"I can't rest every second," she pointed out. "I just had a nap." She bit her lip nervously. "Jacob… can we talk?"

Finally, he met her eyes. They were so full of pain that she wanted to take him into her arms and hold him until she melted it all away. But she knew that was impossible- at least now. "Bella," he said softly, gazing at her belly and not her face. "I want to keep you safe. I hope to God you're carrying my child. But I'm not ready to talk about this." His eyes flickered away from hers, then back to hers again. "I don't know when I will be." Abruptly, he stood and left, closing the front door behind him.

Bella just sat there, feeling completely deflated, forlorn and alone, full of such guilt that she felt she was choking on it.

Emily sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. In her hand she held a plate of muffins. "You've got eight months of overeating to make up for," she said gently, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Bella's head. "Have one, they're good."

That maternal, gentle but firm kind of prodding was exactly what Bella needed right now, and she gave Emily a light smile, taking a muffin and biting into it, no longer surprised by how delicious something from this particular kitchen could taste. But long after Emily's focus had shifted to other things, Bella gazed out the front window and into the woods, hoping for Jacob to come back, take her into his arms, and make everything better again.


	10. Chapter 10

Jacob padded through the forest on silent paws, the moon bathing the forest in gentle blue-white light. The way his mind was racing over the events of the last few days, sleep was not going to come easily, but he'd decided that a run might just do the trick and tire him out. Embry and Sam were on patrol, but both of them were quiet enough and respectful enough that for all intents and purposes he could ignore them, and their occasional thoughts were just a gentle murmur in the back of his mind. They neither pried into his own thoughts, nor commented when they did slip through the link.

He made his way to the cliffs, skirting along the edges of the jagged rocks that plunged into the cold, dark expanse of the Pacific Ocean. Not so many generations ago, his ancestors had fashioned canoes from the trees of this forest and launched them into the sea, stalking whales larger than the boats they hunted from. Rarely, Jacob had seen a whale from the cliff face, given away by its tell-tale spout of water, or the quick rise of flank or tail, but normally the sea at this hour seemed devoid of life, thick and mysterious, and the gloomy clouds that hung low over the ocean tonight reflected his mood well. He sat down on his haunches and let out a very heavy sigh, staring out at all that whipping surf and rolling waves.

A branch snapping behind him distracted him and he whirled quickly, part of him admittedly hoping for a fight, wishing that one of the Cullens- hopefully Edward- would break the treaty and come on to their land, give him an outlet for his anger, an excuse to draw first blood. He knew his pack would win a war with the vampires. It was the reason that the treaty had been made at all; they were no match for them. And yet they lived, even now, even after what had happened, because the treaty didn't make specific reference to this. They couldn't bite a human. But influence? Manipulate? Control? Seduce? Hurt? The treaty was silent on those subtleties, and because it was silent, he had to remain still. It was beyond aggravating.

The branch behind him had not broken under the feet of a vampire. Instead, a wolf stepped gracefully forward out of the foliage. It was significantly smaller than Jacob, its coat dark brown, nearly black, and interspersed throughout the fur were flecks of creams and grays. The soft, near-black eyes looked on Jacob with tenderness and warmth, yet it was silent to him, its thoughts a mystery.

Quickly he shifted to human form, pulling on the pair of cutoffs he had tied to his leg for just such a necessity. "Iniabi," he acknowledged her, using her full name, not sure exactly what was proper and what was not. He had taken note of her correcting Veyo about her status here, yet he still felt the need to tread lightly, unsure as to how much respect she expected.

The wolf padded to the edge of the cliff and looked down, gazing at the water for a moment. Then she too shifted back to human form, taking a seat on the cool, moss-covered rock, her bare legs dangling over the edge, the wind stroking the soles of her feet. She crossed her arms over her chest as he sat next to her, realizing her nakedness would make him uncomfortable. She gave him a small, tender smile as he joined her.

"Jacob," she said. "Please, don't feel the need for formalities. I'm a guest in your homeland, and you are one of my people. We are family."

He gazed at her pretty face for a long moment, wondering how different his life would be now if he had chosen a different path- to marry this girl, as had been planned, and start a drastic new life in her village. But despite the fact that they hadn't married, he had completed a ritual that made him as much a part of the tribe as if he'd been born into it. Her acceptance put him immediately at ease.

His sigh was long and full of the misery that had dominated the last few days, yet he hesitated to dive into that subject with her. Instead he asked, "Why can't I hear you when you're a wolf? Your thoughts, I mean."

"Your link is somewhat different than ours," she answered. "If you had stayed and joined our warriors and integrated into their pack, you would be able to hear us. But our link is not open. And neither is yours."

"So I'm still an outsider," he said, surprised at how disappointing that felt. "On that level anyway."

She curled her soft fingers over his arm and gave a little squeeze. "You are one of our people, Jacob," she said. "You belong. If you had chosen a path other than the one of the warrior, that link would still be silent to you. Don't feel excluded."

He nodded thoughtfully. "So anyone who's not a warrior can't hear you?"

"All can hear me," she clarified. "But I am queen. Otherwise, no. The warriors hear each other, and there are other groups that hear each other, but I am the only common thread who sees all."

"What about Mitsis?" he asked, thinking about the fact that she embodied the phrase 'sees all.'

Abi smiled. "Mitsis is grateful for the quiet of her mind. Often it is the only sanctuary she has. But the warrior caste is the only clan the Quileute have left, Jacob," she explained. "You only require one link. It's why your women shift so infrequently."

"Tell that to Leah," he said. "She'd have something to say if you accused her of not being a warrior."

"What an interesting young woman she is," Abi remarked. "So full of anger."

Jacob shrugged. "Yeah, she's… interesting." He smirked.

"She reminds me of your grandmother, in a way," Abi offered.

He was surprised. He knew his grandmother had been born in Abi's village, and that her daughter- his mother- had spent time there as a child. But he hadn't realized… "You met her?"

"I knew her well," Abi agreed, sounding surprised herself that he didn't know that. "She was a very strong woman. It was a sad time when she chose to go to your grandfather. Often the daughters of the Quileute came to us, but rarely had we let a daughter of our own go to them. She was brave though, and she followed her heart. Your grandfather beckoned her until she couldn't refuse." She smiled warmly, as though remembering a fond memory of an old friend. Jacob couldn't help but smile too. It still seemed crazy to think that this woman, her face so youthful and her manner so precocious and free-spirited, was in fact old enough to have known his grandmother personally.

"I never heard that story," he said. "My mother died when I was little."

"Yes, I know that," she said sympathetically. "You and I have that in common… we both lost our mothers far too young."

Abi's mother had died almost two years ago, and when she'd inherited her queenship it had triggered her need for a husband, and eventually Jacob had been contacted. That all seemed so long ago… not just three months. He find it difficult to ask the question, but he forced out hesitantly, "So... have you found a new fiancé?"

She shook her head. "My position requires an heir," she said. "But I hope one won't be needed for some time. My marriage to you was arranged long ago, and it seemed natural to proceed accordingly, but many things have changed."

"What about your prophecy?" he asked delicately, knowing that at her crowning- or whatever their equivalent was- Mitsis had predicted, essentially, that their society would fall within the span of Abi's rule, calling the need for an heir into question.

"It stands," she answered softly. "It always will. I will raise a strong daughter. My hope is that she will survive the fall. Perhaps I will send her to be fostered here, if there is warning of looming dangers." Her smile was sad but not at all bitter. "I must admit I don't look forward to dying alone. I try not to think about it much." Her body gave a tiny tremble.

"Are you cold?" he asked. "Or is it the topic?"

"A little cold," she answered, giving him a soft smile. Her eyes said he was right on both counts, but he let the lie slip past without comment. Jacob wrapped an arm around her, tucking her against his side. She was warm, warmer than a human for sure, but he was even hotter- as she'd said, an adaptation against vampires. Her body was small and delicate, her bare skin soft against his. He tried to think of unsexy things so as not to embarrass himself, though he was too preoccupied to actually feel turned on- she was a beautiful naked girl nestled up against him, and he had more hormones than a guy on steroids. It was inevitable, but he ignored it as best he could.

"So tell me, little brother," she said tenderly, the words not at all patronizing. "Did you make the right choice, leaving us?"

Her question was so gentle, so unassuming, that Jacob felt a fissure develop in the strong face he'd been wearing for everyone, and he found he couldn't hide his pain from her as easily as he could from his own pack.

She saw his face crumble and her own eyes shone with unshed tears of sympathy, as though his pain was infectious, as though somehow the weight of it fell on her, too. Now it was Abi's turn to hold him, pulling him close to her and rubbing her hand gently over his back. Though she was smaller than him, she cradled him easily, and he cried into the soft curve of her neck as he clung to her, drawing on her calm presence to soothe him.

After he'd calmed down a little, still sniffling lightly into her shoulder, it became harder to ignore her breasts pressed against his chest, and abruptly he pulled away, blushing. She hid them again behind her arm and gave him a small smile, conveying both sympathy and amusement. "I'm sorry, Jacob," she said gently. "If I had something to cover myself with, I would. I know nudity is not so acceptable in your culture."

"It's not that," he said. "It's just…" He trailed off, embarrassed.

But her eyes were twinkling with humour and she wasn't going to let this one go. "They're just a body part," she pointed out.

He made a face. "Yeah, but… they're…" His blush deepened until his russet skin had turned quite scarlet. "Come on, Abi, you know."

Like a fish on a hook, she made the decision to release him, not teasing him further, saying only, "Your mother should have nursed you longer, and you wouldn't have these strange feelings."

Jacob laughed, but then his humour faded abruptly and his face fell again, thinking once more of her question. "I've made so many mistakes," he whispered.

"Have you?" she asked softly, changing gears easily with him.

"I should have stayed," he said. "I should have stayed in that community… with you."

"Should you?" she asked. "I mean, did the reasons you had to leave turn out to be false?"

"I don't know," he answered after a moment's thought. "I left for a lot of reasons. But one of the big ones was Bella. And now…" He trailed off. Even saying her name hurt, because every time he thought it, he imagined how it sounded on that bloodsucker's lips as their bodies writhed together.

Every time he thought of her beautiful brown eyes, his mind started to wonder how she had looked at him, or if those eyes had darkened with passion as he touched her. When he imagined the cute way she chewed on her lip when she was nervous, he wondered if she had bitten her lip in excitement for him. And when he thought of her ears, the adorable way they stuck out, he imagined Edward nibbling on her earlobes, driving her wild.

Every part of her was now tied up with _him._ It was like an obsession, and his thoughts now couldn't separate the two. It was true the girl he loved still existed, but now it felt like there had been another girl underneath, an ugly, disloyal girl who had laid in wait until an opportunity presented itself to give herself to Edward, and she had jumped without looking back, without considering him at all.

Abi was gazing at him, her dark eyes gentle, thoughtful, as she looked at him. "Why do you think our Great Mother gives us pain?" she asked finally.

He let out a sigh. "Oh, Abi," he said, his voice tired. "I don't believe in your goddess… I'm sorry."

Instead of being offended or hurt as he'd thought she might be, she only smiled. "She is not like that 'God' so many in your society are fond of," she said. "She asks for no worship, She isn't jealous, and She doesn't require faith. She simply _is-_ She exists in everything, and She is everywhere."

"What, she doesn't mind if I say she's not real?" he asked skeptically. "That she doesn't matter to me?"

Abi shrugged. "Does the ocean care whether you believe in it? You'll still get wet if you walk into the waves. And does a mountain lion care whether it has hurt your feelings or taken your future when it eats you? It is merely hungry. Our Great Mother needs neither our belief nor our love, yet she gives both without prejudice. You are a spark that grew from Her womb and you were birthed into this world with good intentions- along with everything else. You are no more or less important than any other living thing on this planet. No more or less important than Her."

In spite of himself, he was curious. "But don't we need to be good to other people and stuff or she'll send us to hell or something? Or reincarnate us as a gnat?" He wasn't sure which afterlife they believed in.

Abi shook her head. "You're looking at Her through different eyes, Jacob. When you are gone, your life- any life- will be like a ripple in the sand, swept away by the winds of time and made smooth and innocent once again. Your mistakes are your own. Your decisions are your own. She is only the heart of the earth, without judgment, without bias. If you choose not to believe she is there, she will exist just the same. Her ground cushions your steps. Her flesh grows the lushness of the forests and the barrenness of the deserts. All is wonderful. All is valid. Even suffering. Even a gnat."

"So why do _you_ think she sends us pain?" he couldn't help asking.

Abi thought about it for a long moment, gazing out into the ocean. Finally she said, "There is no such thing as pain without purpose. And without it, I suppose pleasure would bring us no joy at all."

A slow smile spread over Jacob's lips. "Only you would be able to conclude that suffering exists to give us joy, Abi," he said, his voice tender. It was impossible not to like this girl. A breeze lifted suddenly from the waves, slamming into them like a physical force, sending Abi's long hair whipping around her. She giggled, brushing it back from her face, and Jacob pulled her close once again. He tried to help her, sweeping the tendrils of thick dark hair back with his fingers and tucking them behind her ears.

Her eyes were beautiful, full of youth and wisdom at the same time. He knew she was old, yet her spirit seemed young and innocent. She held such responsibility on her shoulders, yet she carried it with a grace that made it seem feather-light. Her skin was a rich, light creamy brown, her lips full and her nose just slightly upturned, with a strong bridge between her impossibly dark brown eyes.

Abi reached up and lightly traced his jaw with her fingertips, sweeping them over to press firmly against his lips. Instinctually, he kissed them lightly, and a tiny smile spread over her features. "Jacob Black," she whispered gently, her eyes locked so powerfully on his he felt like he might lose himself, deliciously, inside them. "I know you feel to kiss me right now," she added, her words pulling him from the spell. "But you cannot. You don't want it."

Jacob slowly dropped his eyes from hers, gazing back out at the water, his eyes troubled. Finally, he let out a long breath. "I'm sorry," he said.

"No need," she answered. "A body is a comfort. I understand that."

"It's not just your body," he said, feeling guilty, not wanting her to think she was some kind of object to him, an outlet. "I like you. I-"

Abi held up a hand to stop him. "Your apologies are unnecessary," she said sincerely. "I'm not offended. But your heart is divided, Jacob. If we have a future beyond what is evident, now isn't the time."

He nodded. She was right; it _was_ wrong. Though he hadn't intended at all to use her as a counter to what Bella had done to Edward, to somehow get back at her by sleeping with Abi, it now occurred to him how much it would have seemed so after the fact. He dropped his head into his hands. "How could she do this to me?" he whispered. "How could she cheat? And with _him?_ He's my enemy. My blood enemy. She knows that."

"If she was to be unfaithful to you," Abi said very gently, "it would have always been with him. Bella made a choice with a divided heart as well, in a way. She made a conscious choice to ignore the part of herself that she felt belonged with him, so the whole of herself could go with you. It seems she may not have been as successful as she would have liked."

"But what's the point of that?" he asked, his voice thick with emotion. "What was the point of going up there and going through all that and finally, _finally _getting her, if she's just going to run back to _him?"_

"The point?" she asked, her face quizzical. "Does everything have a point?"

"It better," he answered bitterly. "Because the alternative sucks."

"My sweet brother," she said gently. "If keeping company with her brings you nothing but sadness, then cut her off as you would a weight around your ankle, and feel the freedom settle over your heart."

"But it's not that simple," he protested. "She hurt me so much, and maybe I'm just a stupid naïve kid, but I want to believe we still have a chance at the happiness we found in that cave in your village." In that cave, they had accidentally completed a simple ceremony which, under the laws of Abi's community, made them husband and wife. They were married, at least in that village. That meant something. And now he believed she was carrying his child, no matter what those bloodsuckers wanted him to think. Didn't _that_ have to mean something, too? Could he walk away from that? Free her like a dead weight, as Abi had suggested? Slowly, he shook his head in answer to his own internal question. "I still care about her," he said softly. "And I can't just turn that off- believe me, a big part of me wants to. But I can't."

Abi reached out and laid her hand over his. "You are the only person in the world who has the power to ruin or enrich your own life," she said. "Even our Great Mother cannot claim responsibility for that. If you believe there is something worth salvaging, I think you'll grow to regret not trying."

"But how can I forgive her?" he whispered. "She betrayed me so deeply."

"In our language there is no word for betrayal," she said gently. "Nor forgiveness. Both imply finality, an end point of emotion. Perhaps it is because of our immortality, or perhaps because of something else, but not even the word 'death' in our language carries as much irrevocability as those two English words."

"So what would you say?" he asked her. "How would you describe what she did?"

Abi considered his question. Then she said, "I would say she has done _wâpi'wakatewachéké__."_ As she said the word, she put both hands palms down against her chest, closed her eyes, and then she swept her hands forward clasped tightly together in a single fist. Jacob still wasn't used to their language, which combined words and hand gestures with very little separation. But then she explained,"Loosely translated it means, 'that which forces a hopeful heart to pump only my regrets.'"

Jacob couldn't help but be amazed. It was perfect. "Abi," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You have got to teach me this language."

Her pretty face broke into a wide smile and she laughed before laying her head against his chest once again. In a soft, sincere voice she promised, "I'll do my very best."

After a long moment he glanced down at her and with a small smirk he said, "But could we maybe get you some clothes first?"

Abi giggled. "Yes," she said. "I think that would be appropriate."

They both shifted back to wolf form, and Jacob led the way back towards his house where he was sure he could dig up something of one of his sister's that would mostly fit her. Though her presence beside him was silent, he found it immeasurably comforting.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay in updating... been enjoying the Christmas/New Year's celebrations! :-)

* * *

Living temporarily at Emily's gave Bella the advantage of being a fly on the wall for lots of interesting goings on. First she'd witnessed the strangely touching moment between Jared and Emily in the kitchen, which she could only assume was fuelled by the fact that Jared was directly linked to Sam's thoughts. It seemed only natural that Sam's love for Emily would influence others, and Jacob had told her as much before- that Emily had to constantly be on her toes to watch out for moments like the one Bella had witnessed, when Sam's influence crept forward into action. But despite the boundary issues, Emily and Jared's slip-up in the kitchen had been somehow sweet, and Bella could see plainly how much all the werewolves, including Emily by extension, loved and cared for one another.

It wasn't all friendship and good times, though. The day after Abi and the others arrived, Bella was laying on Emily's couch reading one of her home decorating magazines and being tortured by the smell of simmering homemade chili con carne, when angry footsteps burst through the door. She started to rise up and see who it was, but it was a production even to prop herself up on an elbow, so the voice gave it away before she was able to.

"I am seriously going insane over there," Leah snapped, and Bella listened as she opened the fridge, rifling around for something to eat.

"Really?" Emily's surprised voice answered. "Don't you think they're fascinating?"

"No, they're not _fascinating,"_ Leah said scathingly. "If I hear one more thing about how everything happens for a reason or how funny it is that we have running water and flush toilets I think I might puke."

Emily giggled. "Well, they won't be here for long. You and Seth will just have to suffer through."

"Oh no, Seth just _loves_ them," Leah answered with a sigh. "So does my mom. They both think they're awesome."

"But isn't it even a little exciting to you that Abi and Mitsis shift?" Emily asked honestly. Bella had been wondering the same thing.

There was a brief silence. Then Leah said, "I don't want to talk about that."

"But-"

"No. Seriously, Em. This whole situation just makes me want to scream. I can barely stand it."

"Okay, but you should know that Bella-"

"And I _definitely_ don't want to talk about Bella," Leah interrupted.

"That's fine, I'm just saying that Bella is right-"

"Bella isn't right about shit, Emily!" Leah snapped. "How can you say that? She is the most heartless, most insensitive person I've ever met."

"Leah, come on, let's not do this here. Bella is-"

"Emily!" Leah cut her off, exasperated. "Can we _please _not talk about Bella fucking Swan? Jacob is miserable over this, which means all of us are miserable over this. And now I have to deal with these weirdos in my house telling me how everything I've ever believed about myself- what my father believed about me enough to die of shock- is a lie." Leah's voice caught and Bella could hear the ragged emotion under her words. "And now she gets to have a _baby?_ Seriously, Em?" Bella could hear her forcing back tears. "You know I'll never have that. But oh no, Bella Swan gets to cheat on Jake, treat him like dirt, and we're all supposed to be happy for her because she got herself knocked up. Some mother she's going to make."

"Leah-"

"Em, I don't want to hear it," Leah said heavily. Bella could hear the defeat in her voice. "I just… can I just eat? And get some peace? That's why I came here, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, that's fine," Emily said gently. "I'm just trying to tell you that Bella is right-"

There was a slam as Leah's hand came down hard on Emily's table. "I know you're trying to be all mother hen on her, Em, but stop it right now. I am never going to forgive her, even if Jacob does. I can't even look at her, with that- that _thing… _she doesn't deserve a baby. She doesn't deserve any of it. So don't you dare try and tell me that she-"

"Leah!" Emily interrupted, exasperated. "What I'm trying to tell you is that Bella is right over there!"

For a moment, silence. Very heavy silence. Tentatively, Bella poked her head up above the back of the couch, trying her best to wear a neutral expression despite the hurt Leah's words had caused. Across the room, Emily had put her hand over Leah's mouth so she could finally get the sentence out, and Leah's face was wet with tears.

"Well that's fucking perfect," Leah said, turning her head away from Bella and wiping at her tears while trying to look like she wasn't. She whirled back and took a few angry steps toward the couch, then stopped short. "I'm not saying I'm sorry to you."

"Um… that's okay," Bella answered awkwardly. "It's fine. I'd be mad at me too."

"Yeah… that selfless bullshit talk really doesn't ring true anymore, Bella," Leah snapped.

"Come on," Emily said sharply. "No fighting. Now that you know she's here you need to stop being rude."

"She should have said something," Leah argued.

"When, exactly?" Emily countered.

Leah's near-black eyes were set on Bella with such hate it made her want to sink into the cushions of Emily's couch and disappear. Instead she said, trying to be helpful, "Maybe Abi can teach you how to control it like they do, and then… I mean, obviously they can have babies, so…" She knew from Jacob that that was something Leah wanted more than anything. Too late, she caught Emily's gestures of panic behind Leah's head, trying to prevent Bella from finishing her sentence.

The sneer that came over Leah's face made her look ugly, which wasn't an easy thing to do. "And who would I have that baby with, exactly?" she bit out scornfully.

Bella had touched a nerve; it was easy to do with Leah. Of course she would have wanted to have a baby with Sam, before all this. Bella knew she was still bitter about their breakup. Her and Emily's strained relationship, following years of friendship akin to sisterhood, was proof of that. Bella instantly regretted her words, but too late.

Quietly she mumbled, "Um… I don't know."

"That's right," Leah answered. "You shouldn't talk about what you don't know about." Her eyes flickered to her cousin momentarily and she turned on her heel, stalking for the door and throwing over her shoulder, "I'm going for a run. Maybe I can get some peace out in the forest."

Emily looked very sorry to say it, but she called out meekly, "Sam's out on patrol…"

Leah halted just inside the door, her body going rigid, but she didn't turn back. Instead she took several deep, steadying breaths, as Bella had seen Jacob do when he was so angry or upset that he risked losing control and shifting into wolf form in inappropriate places. Then she continued out Emily's door and down the steps into the dirt, which she kicked at angrily as she trudged up the driveway toward the road, evidently abandoning the idea of running around as a wolf while Sam Uley was out there.

Emily sat down heavily next to Bella. "I'd apologize for her," she said gently. "But why bother?"

"She's right," Bella said softly. "I should have said I was here or made a noise or something."

"She didn't give you much chance," Emily pointed out. "It's just… she's going through a lot. She just lost her dad… and changing into a werewolf is no picnic. But mostly I think it's just really hard for her to see you pregnant, and see these women who are so comfortable with what they are when she can't be." Emily reached over and squeezed Bella's shoulder. "But I'm still sorry she was so mean to you."

Bella tried to shrug it off. It hurt, but she understood. She had to. What she'd done was terrible, and she knew Jacob's pain extended outward through the pack, as much as she wished it could stay private. She was just grateful that Emily didn't share that mind, or she might not have had such an easy time being nice to her. Still, Leah's attitude towards her was difficult to take, and she knew encounters like that would only continue as long as she stayed at Emily's, which might be a while.

Abruptly, Bella pulled herself to her feet with some difficulty and headed for the door.

Emily immediately saw what she was doing but didn't intercept her. She just warned, "Be careful," in a doubtful voice, like she didn't think this was such a great idea.

Bella could see Leah up ahead, still stomping angrily up Emily's driveway. Even the gentle slope was hard work with all the extra weight Bella was carrying, so she called out, "Hey, Leah! Wait up!"

Up ahead, Leah stopped, then turned slowly around. "Are you kidding me?" she called back. "Leave me alone!"

"Come on," Bella said, picking up her pace a little. "I just want to talk to you for a minute."

Leah strode towards her, her long legs and lithe body easily closing the distance between them. Her near-black eyes were narrowed in anger, her face a sneer. "I don't want to talk to you," she spat. "Or did I not make myself clear earlier?"

"Come on, I just-"

"You just what?" Leah cut her off. "You just wanted to have a heart-to-heart with me about how much this sucks for you, so I'll see the light and be on your side from now on instead of Jake's? Well, that's not going to happen. You might twist everyone else's arm into coming to your pity party, but I'm staying out of it." She whirled and started walking towards the tree line, evidently deciding that Sam Uley was better company that Bella Swan.

"I know I hurt Jacob!" Bella called after her. Again, Leah stopped in her tracks, but she didn't turn around. Bella barreled on, "I hurt him more than I ever thought I could have. And I did it for stupid reasons… I don't even know why. Because I was afraid to be alone, because Edward said he was leaving me and I panicked."

Leah turned around, and the fire practically leapt from her eyes. "That's it?" she asked. "That's why you did it? You're more of an idiot than I thought."

"I know," Bella said. "It makes no sense. I wouldn't have been alone. I would have had Jake… all of you. Friends. I-"

"And now you have nothing," Leah cut her off, obviously wanting to end this conversation here and now. "Good luck with that."

"I don't have nothing," Bella said softly. "I'm here, aren't I? Why would I be here if Jacob doesn't still care? At least a little?" Her eyes filled with tears and she suddenly realized her true motives for confronting Leah. It wasn't just that she wanted the girl to like her, to be less hostile- she was also a direct link to Jacob's thoughts, his feelings, and she would know how he truly felt underneath the mask he wore now every time she saw him. "Please, Leah," she said. "Does he care? Even a little?"

"Are you kidding me?" Leah scoffed at her. "You think I'm going to betray Jake for _you?"_

Bella hung her head. She knew it was wrong what she was asking, but she was desperate. Jacob wouldn't even look at her, wouldn't talk… she didn't know what else to do. "Please," she whispered, knowing Leah's excellent hearing would pick up the sound.

"Haven't you ever heard the expression 'you made your bed and now you have to lay in it?'" Leah asked her, her voice still compassionless. "Well, Bella, you made your bed, fucked another guy in it, and now…" She spread her fingers as if to say, 'here we all are.'

Those words cut deep, hurting more than anything else Leah had said to her before. "What about the bed Emily made?" she snapped. "You all seem to have forgiven her for that."

"What did you just say to me?" Leah asked, her mouth hanging open a bit. The anger on her face seemed to be giving way to something else, another emotion trembling just under the surface.

"Emily told me Sam cheated on you with her," Bella answered. "Yet you all still hang out at her house like it's no big deal. I just thought…" She trailed off, reading only the growing anger now in Leah's expression and realizing she needed to end this topic.

"You thought what?" Leah snapped.

"Nothing."

"No, really, I want to know."

"Nevermind," Bella mumbled. She started to turn back toward the road, but Leah grabbed her arm, throwing her off-balance. Bella grasped the trunk of a nearby tree, steadying herself at the last minute, not sure Leah would have caught her if she fell. One hand instinctively moved to her belly.

When she looked up again Leah was staring at that hand with a strange mixture of emotion on her face- it was like wonder and disgust and pain, all at once. The moment seemed to last forever, but finally Leah tore her eyes away. There was more sadness in them when she turned them on Bella, but the anger was still there.

Finally, she said quietly, "Sam didn't have a choice. You did. And if you think you're going to find some kind of kinship with me because I've been cheated on and you cheated, you are way off. Jacob is the one who deserves my sympathy. He's the one who matters. You… you're nothing."

It hurt, but Bella knew it was true, at least to Leah. What she didn't know, was if it was true to Jacob too. What would she do if it was? How could she live knowing she had hurt him bad enough to turn off his love for her?

"You should go back to Emily's," Leah said.

But Bella didn't want the conversation to end there. She needed to know something about Jacob. "I know Sam feels like he made a big mistake, cheating on you," she said, trying to sympathize with Leah and cut through some of that hostility. "Emily told me."

"Emily has a big mouth."

"But it was his choice," Bella insisted. "It might not have been his choice to fall in love with her, to imprint, but he chose to cheat on you. To not break up with you right away. He made a mistake and so did I."

Leah's eyes electrified with rage again. "Don't you dare compare your petty life to mine," she snapped. "You have no idea what you're talking about. And I don't want to discuss this. Not with you and not with anyone. Ever."

"Okay, but just tell me one thing," Bella pleaded. "If you had known about the wolf thing then… if you'd been able to ask someone who could see into Sam's mind…"

"Shut up," Leah growled, and Bella couldn't help but notice that her body was vibrating dangerously, little tremors jumping up and down her spine, radiating outward into her limbs and her clenched fists.

But she barreled on. "If you could have asked someone how he felt, someone who knew for certain, wouldn't you want to know the answer to that question?"

Leah didn't answer, didn't look at her. She was breathing steadily, deeply, and Bella knew she was struggling for control. But maybe, just maybe, she'd gotten through to the older girl. Maybe she understood, just a little, what Bella was feeling.

"Leah, please," Bella whispered, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. "I need to know. Does Jacob-"

"Stop it!" Leah growled, her fists clenched so tightly her brown knuckles had turned white. Her eyes were squeezed shut, but when she opened them again a single tear made its way down the curve of her cheek. She stabbed at it angrily with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry for bringing up a painful subject," Bella said softly. "But I need to know."

"Then you're not sorry at all," Leah answered bitterly.

Bella met her eyes. She couldn't hide the truth from her. "No… I guess I'm not." She didn't feel good about using Leah like this, but she needed to know, and waiting around for Jacob to tell her wasn't working.

Then, Leah's expression changed abruptly. She seemed to get over the trembling of her body and though she didn't seem particularly friendly, some of the hostility faded from her eyes. "Fine," she said.

"Really?" Bella brightened. "Thank you!"

"But not here," Leah went on, not meeting Bella's eyes, seeming almost defeated. "I don't want to take the chance that Em might overhear."

"I'm sure she won't," Bella promised.

The anger glinted momentarily in Leah's eyes again and then faded. "Not here," she said again. "I'm not comfortable."

"Okay," Bella said quickly, not wanting to fight her and lose this chance.

"Come on," Leah said, turning back for the woods. Bella followed quickly, picking her way through the underbrush. It would have been hard to keep up with Leah at the best of times, but her added weight and the pain of her expanded body made it almost unbearable. Still, she forced herself to keep Leah in sight, determined to know how Jacob felt, what he was thinking.

After what seemed like forever, she said timidly, "I don't think Emily's going to hear us this far out."

"It's not Emily," Leah threw over her shoulder. "The rest of the pack are running patrols in this area. I don't want anyone to know I talked to you. At least, not until they have to."

She meant the link. Bella knew she wouldn't be able to hide it from them, but they wouldn't know until she shifted. As long as she got to Jacob before Leah changed and he read her thoughts, maybe she could have a real conversation with him. She would call him as soon as she got back to Emily's.

They walked for a long time, what seemed like hours, but Bella wasn't sure how much of that perception had to do with the fact that she was tired, heavy, and weak to start with. Watching Leah's strong legs and easy, agile movements made Bella jealous, and quieted any complaints.

Ideas started to creep into her head about Leah and Jacob together, for some reason. Maybe it was because despite her bad attitude, Leah was someone who understood Jacob more than any other woman on the planet ever could. And they had grown up together- not as friends or anything, but they knew each other. It was a small reservation; the school was tiny. They had a history. They came from the same place, had the same values and culture. And now this- the link that bonded them like family. If Leah wasn't such an angry person who got on everyone's nerves, she could have easily been a desirable girlfriend for Jacob, right? Bella tried not to feel jealous- she had no right, and hardly any reason- but she couldn't help it.

Finally, Leah stopped, and Bella was surprised to see that her eyes were squeezed tightly shut. But they were open again as soon as she turned around, and Bella decided she must have been imagining it.

"Is this a good place?" she asked.

Leah's lips curled into a smile that was for some reason unsettling. Maybe it was because Bella had rarely seen her smile? "Yeah, it's perfect," she said.

Bella waited, but Leah remained silent. "So…" Bella said finally. "Are you going to tell me about Jake?"

Leah walked over to her, coming to stand right in front of Bella, the taller girl looking down at her with obvious disdain. "I'm not betraying him," she said. "I would never do that, and you shouldn't have asked me. You shouldn't be so callous with other people's feelings. Bringing up Sam like we could bond over our exes… that was beyond low."

"I'm… sorry," Bella managed, feeling ashamed but also irritated that Leah had made her walk all this way for nothing.

"Let me be perfectly clear," Leah said. "I don't like you. I don't like the way you treat people. I don't like this thing you're carrying, and it's not worth putting everyone I love in danger just so you can play mommy."

"But we don't know-"

"I know we don't know," Leah snapped. "Which is the only reason it's still alive. But believe me- the second we find out it's one of them, I'll be the first to end it."

Bella wrapped her arms around her stomach, the idea of someone hurting her baby making her physically ill. "But… how could you?" she whispered. "You _want_ a baby. How could you kill one?"

Leah's face twisted in anger at the same time that her eyes filled with tears. Her body was shaking again. "You don't know what you're talking about," she bit out. "You are so stupid, so pathetic. I can't stand you. Nobody can stand you. Jacob should hate you but he doesn't, and that's the only reason you're here. God, I don't know which is worse! That you're incubating some disgusting bloodsucking spawn, or that you're actually carrying Jacob's baby and he's going to be shackled to you for the rest of his life."

"Leah-"

"Don't talk to me," she growled. "Jacob still cares about you, that idiot, so I'm not going to hurt you. But maybe on the walk back to Emily's you can figure out all the wrong you've done."

Bella felt panic rising in her throat. She hadn't paid attention at all on the way here. And Leah… Leah's eyes had been closed. Was that so the others wouldn't be able to find Bella by searching her memory?

"Don't leave me here," she cried, reaching for Leah's hand. "Please!"

Leah jerked away. "It won't be dark for hours," she said. "And it doesn't even get cold at night anyway. You'll be fine. You're on our land. No one's going to touch you out here. Just take some time with your conscience- who knows, maybe you'll come back a decent human being."

"Leah-"

But out of Leah's quivering skin burst the grey fur of a wolf as she transformed, the shreds of her clothing fluttering to the ground like confetti. She squeezed her black eyes shut and ran headlong into the woods, disappearing from view a moment later.

She was now completely alone, aside from the vulnerable life she carried just under her heart. As if responding to her feelings of fear and panic, the baby let out a sharp kick, taking Bella's breath away as a jab of pain shot through her. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to calm down, if not for herself then for her child.

Bella stood in the tiny clearing, every tree looking the same as the next, no idea where she was or how she might get back to Emily's- or anywhere- from here. She was lost. Completely and utterly lost.


	12. Author's Note

Author's Note:

I'm sure you've all rushed over here hoping for an update and I wish I could deliver that for you.

Unfortunately my house was broken into and my laptop was stolen, so I have not had access to a computer for some time. I'm writing this from the computer lab at my university, but obviously due to time demands from my coursework and clinical placements, it's not feasible for me to write here as well.

The loss of my laptop has been devastating as my entire life is on it, as well as some unpublished chapters of this story, my other Twiligt fanfic, "Shift," and lots of other writings. I am so saddened to have lost not only those chapters, but the vessel for my continued creativity and ability to update these stories for you. There have also been some other personal issues in my life, and so there has been a lot weighing on me since the beginning of this year.

I cannot afford to buy a new computer right now, but I hope I will eventually be able to do so. Until then, consider my stories to be on a sad hiatus. I'm happy to know through reviews and private messages that people are still interested and missing my stories. I look forward to the day that I can continue writing!

Thanks very much,  
Ashantai 


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